yesterday had lunch w/ a bunch of church family at one of our pastor's homes. of course, part of the conversation is dominated by dental questions. karen, a nicu nurse, mentioned that it is interesting to be so specialized, that my 40+ hours a week is consumed with problem solving and management with regards to teeth. just teeth. i thought about this and responded that i probably only think about teeth 15% of the time. the rest of the time is spent thinking about my patients' complex social issues, and the habit of having staff devotions each morning really helps me have eternity on my mind throughout the day.

today i did very little dentistry, but it was just as tiring as one of those days where it's just fillings and extractions all day long. today M came in with her son. J is the cutest and best-behaved. he had a rogue tattoo on his forearm. the tattoo was from bubble gum. (too much sugar!) anyway, he had a tooth abscess so we had to remove the tooth.

MEANWHILE, monin asked M about her teenage stepdaughter, N. N was supposed to come in january to have a crown delivered but didn't show up because she had run away from home. N is a commonly rebellious teenage girl, and her troubled relationship with step-mom, M, aggravates the situation. we've only seen them a few times. but within these few visits we've seen glimpses of dysfunction. having knowledge of how much dysfunction my own family has in the home compared to in public, i can only imagine the anger and frustration that N and M have toward one another.

-once M was upset that she had to stay in the waiting room while N was getting some fillings done. N is still a minor and needs a parent or guardian present to do any irreversible procedures. M broadcast to yoli that, "i don't understand why she needs a guardian present, if she's allowed to have sex!" whoa mama. N was in the waiting room amidst other patients who could hear this conversation clearly. this is all being said with a feisty spanish accent.

-when N did not show up for her crown appointment, monin spoke with M on the phone. she responded with, "i have no idea if she's going to show up. she's run away again and i have no idea where she is. i don't care anymore!"

-today, while we're doing a filling and extraction on J, M is pouring out her heart to us. poor J is getting his tooth pulled while listening to all this. "she's run away again. [...] i'm so upset that she was a straight-A student but decided to quit. who knows where she is and who she's hangin' with. i tried to tell her that if she is involved at the scene of a crime or is aware of her crowd doing bad things, the police will consider her an accomplice, so she'd better make better decisions. [...] she is currently dating another girl. and she's going to be 18 soon, so she can do whatever she wants, but i don't want her to bring her girlfriend into my home, where my children are - they are too young to see this. [...] she needs learn that things don't come for free, we work really hard to provide for the family. [...] i try to care for her, spend time with her and take her shopping. it's really hard to guide a child when her real mother isn't supportive and her father isn't disciplining her. [...] if she were my child i would pull her hair and give her a spank. but i can't do that because i'm her step-mother. [...] the bible says to take a rod to one's children. [...]"

-other things were said but my spanish comprehension couldn't keep up.

so i spent 45 minutes of my day processing this broken family saga.

and then i spent about 30 seconds thinking about how N is going months and months with a temporary crown in her mouth. and then another 90 seconds thinking about how maybe God let J have an abscessed tooth because He wanted M to come in and have a chance to vent her heart out to someone who would listen (monin did a better job at listening, since M's spanish is about 90 mph).

even though M is trying to be a good parent, there are so many circumstances and humanness that will cause her to fail at various moments. even though she does love and does care, she is unable to love and care perfectly. we might not all fall short this visibly, but we all fall short. and this is where grace needs to come in and do grace work. (versus human works).

she told us also that her medicaid was recently deactivated, so now she's not sure how to take care of herself, where to get care and how to get counseling, which she desires. i told her that she could continue coming to our clinic; however, without insurance she would have to pay on a sliding fee scale. i encouraged her to seek a church, and likely churches will have counseling resources. at the very least, she could talk to a pastor. (who hopefully has some counseling experience).

a thought that came to mind was that M does not have anyone in her life telling her that God loves her, or maybe that anyone loves her. whereas, i have multiple people, the Word hidden in my heart at a young age, and the Holy Spirit, telling me that Jesus loves and accepts me - multiple times a day .

God's challenge for me today is to share this good news in a sensitive way to all i encounter.

the liberty of doing things for Christ

-happy new year. still processing 2011. but glad 2012 is rolling along.

-'alejandro' is a little boy with severe autism. his mom is weary because she is home schooling him. he is unable to go to school because he is not yet potty trained at age 6. to his mom's surprise he let ada take his xrays. he also let me look in his mouth with a mirror only. a sharp-looking explorer he did not allow. cavities were found. there was no way he would let me drill his teeth. in this case i refer patients to a pediatric specialist, who can administer some type of sedative or anxiolytic. i was able to pray for alejandro and his mother. contrary to the way the world works, i felt soooo much freedom in being weak and incapable, when all i could do was pray for a patient in Christ's name. it is so burdensome to do things for results, to do things for the approval of others, or to do things for my own satisfaction. in the end i will be accountable to God alone. i want to do everything for Him. when i am surrendering control, He who holds the world in His hands is in control. when i am incompetent with my own strength, He who is all-powerful can work through me. and i am free.