friday around lunchtime we heard a patient next door moving some furniture and yelling violently. it lasted a few seconds. perhaps it was a child who didn't want to get vaccinated? we often hear crying children on our floor.
a while later we heard the patient again. this time everyone became silent to try to figure out what was going on. the yelling persisted longer. then we decided to peek down the hall to see what the commotion was.
i don't know any bad words in spanish. but monin told us that he was definitely cussing and also threatening to kill someone. people were paging security. and a couple male coworkers came down to offer help just in case he needed to be restrained. eventually the managers called the cops to take him to a crisis center.
speculation is that he was having anxiety/seizures, but also likely spiritual attack or demonic attack? the whole staff kinda stopped to pray for him. like laying hands style. hehe. micronesia flashback here...
we found out who this patient was. and i actually am very fond of him! he's always been chill with me and polite. when he was in prison, he got a bunch of tattoos, including half his face. including a spider web around his eye, and a skull/teeth/mandible, decorated with a baby cartoon red devil on his cheek. i wish someone would laser that piece off. maybe it was cool when he was 20. but 20-25 years later, i'm sure he regrets it.
the battle is real here.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
ok this is gross.
one man's definition of love?
-i went to the front desk to make a copy of some forms and then i froze, mouth open, stared at a man in the waiting room popping his wife/girlfriend/sister/random stranger's zit on her temple. at first i thought, maybe he's giving a head massage. and then looking more closely i saw that he was indeed digitally draining her pimple.
blech!!!
so little did i know that this was my next patient.
he sat in the chair. and then told me about how much pain he's been having. then reached in his pocket and told me he was taking these pills to no avail, and showed me the bottle.
it was a bottle, labelled tramadol. but WAIT. the name on the label was cut off. totally not legal. anyway, no need to be indirect here, so i just directly asked him, "why is there no name on this bottle?!?!?!?!?" PORQUE?!!!!
his answer that the drugs belonged to his ex-girlfriend.
how is that a legitimate/relevant answer to my question? i'm not sure.
am i supposed to infer that his thought process was that he got a new girlfriend and perhaps she didn't want to see the ex's name anywhere, so she cut her name off the label? (kinda like the patient who turned his ex's name tattoo on his neck into some squiggly design? or the other patient who put a big black rectangle tattoo over his ex-wife's name tat on his arm?)
or... he had trouble getting over her, because her name just kept popping up everywhere, that he finally gave in and cut out her name.
anyway, at least we were eventually able to remove his rotting wisdom tooth, which smelled like rotting wisdom tooth.
had to look at a few pictures of puppies after that experience to feel better.
one man's definition of love?
-i went to the front desk to make a copy of some forms and then i froze, mouth open, stared at a man in the waiting room popping his wife/girlfriend/sister/random stranger's zit on her temple. at first i thought, maybe he's giving a head massage. and then looking more closely i saw that he was indeed digitally draining her pimple.
blech!!!
so little did i know that this was my next patient.
he sat in the chair. and then told me about how much pain he's been having. then reached in his pocket and told me he was taking these pills to no avail, and showed me the bottle.
it was a bottle, labelled tramadol. but WAIT. the name on the label was cut off. totally not legal. anyway, no need to be indirect here, so i just directly asked him, "why is there no name on this bottle?!?!?!?!?" PORQUE?!!!!
his answer that the drugs belonged to his ex-girlfriend.
how is that a legitimate/relevant answer to my question? i'm not sure.
am i supposed to infer that his thought process was that he got a new girlfriend and perhaps she didn't want to see the ex's name anywhere, so she cut her name off the label? (kinda like the patient who turned his ex's name tattoo on his neck into some squiggly design? or the other patient who put a big black rectangle tattoo over his ex-wife's name tat on his arm?)
or... he had trouble getting over her, because her name just kept popping up everywhere, that he finally gave in and cut out her name.
anyway, at least we were eventually able to remove his rotting wisdom tooth, which smelled like rotting wisdom tooth.
had to look at a few pictures of puppies after that experience to feel better.
Monday, September 26, 2011
woke up late this morning. walked out of the apartment. realized that my outfit was pretty ridiculous, consisting of 5 different really bright colours, and wearing my new buggy-eyed sunglasses. it was too late to go back and make any modifications.
but then, i looked around me. and everyone else is wearing brighter colours, crazier prints, and crazier hair styles. that's philadelphia for you.
but then, i looked around me. and everyone else is wearing brighter colours, crazier prints, and crazier hair styles. that's philadelphia for you.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
a news article for something that is not considered news
dear cyberspace,
yesterday our team at work found out that one of our patients stabbed his girlfriend to death on saturday. she was also one of our patients. we also saw their kids, ages 3, 2, and 1. we also see his grandmother and mother.
i can't find much information about the incident on the news, because sadly, violence like this in inner city north philadelphia are not considered "news". it happens way too often. "it" referring to "crazy s---". as much as i try to eliminate profanity from my vocab, the english language, as prolific as it is, simply cannot describe it better than "crazy s---".
calvin made the comment that if this happened in the suburbs, it would have been front page, filled with articles and memoriam regarding the victim, and how to help.
anyway, as a way to mourn and address my shock/vicarious trauma/grief, i'd like to write a little obit here.
--
Z.F. was a lovely young woman with a great smile. she always carried herself with gracefulness and dignity. she was the caring mother of three young children. she was a supportive girlfriend, daughter and grand-daughter. she was ambitious and wanted to advance in her career. she was organized, carrying around her huge weekly planner wherever she went.
i got to know Z during her several dental visits and as she also accompanied her family members. she never failed to be polite. she asked a lot of questions and also was open to sharing her life's stories.
she met her boyfriend/baby daddy a few years ago. she didn't like him at first, but he pursued with perseverance and finally won her over. he, K.R. seemed to depend on her a lot. whenever i worked on his teeth, she would hold his hand the entire time. K.R. was also always courteous, though more on the quiet side.
Z.F. passed away at age 24 on saturday, stabbed to death after a domestic argument. K.R., age 23, confessed to the stabbing and is currently being prosecuted for murder. L.N.F., Q.N.F, and L.D.R. are reportedly staying with extended family in delaware.
----
some thanks/lessons learned:
-during lunch after we found out, our team paused and prayed for the family. it's awesome to work in a place where in times of crisis, we can stop and remember our Lord, asking him for strength and peace. i might not see these patients ever again, but i was reminded that our ministry to patients does not just happen when they are in the dental chair, but it happens remotely through our prayers as well.
-i've never really had to deal with such gory news with anyone that i've met face-to-face, and i admit that i was approaching a moment of hysteria. i didn't know why because, after all, i'm just their dentist. and i was only their dentist for about 4 months. my boss reminded me that it must be a hard and heavy news to deal with because i cared for them. yes, i did care for them. and i do care for the family. this is what it's like to be in a helping profession, to encounter thousands of people over a lifetime and rejoice/suffer alongside others. i suppose i could choose to be a dentist that doesn't care. but i'm trying hard not to turn into a dental robot. sometimes my dentistry fails, to my dismay and the only thing that carries me through is my care. i'm so thankful for so many senior doctors at esperanza (i'm the youngest practitioner so far at this time), who exemplify christ's care in our practice.
-after my meltdown in march, i did a few sessions of counseling. my therapist, who is familiar with my organization, informed me that the majority of people who work in my org suffer from vicarious trauma. my inner hypochondriac was excited to receive a diagnosis! i could see that a year and a half of working in the inner city brought a cumulative sum of second-hand, third-hand vicarious trauma. but this was the first time i experience first-hand vicarious trauma. now i can relate better to the traumatized. i've graduated to the next level of empathy. and i've graduated to the next level of casting heavier burdens on christ. 1 peter 5:10.
-so i've shared the story with various people in my philly community life over the past couple days. i've encountered several different reactions. it inspires interesting conversation about death. how does culture affect our response to death? what has shaped my perspective on death?
-recently i've been receiving news of friends' babies born. i'm so happy for new life that enters the world, amidst other lives are ending.
--------
on shock:
-when taina first heard the news from zoraida, she wept. when i heard the news from taina, i yelped. i felt the need to sit down. i almost wanted to vomit or cry. but i could do neither. i imagined what it might have been during the crime. it just seemed so surreal. gun violence someone distances a murderer from their victim. it also happens more quickly. but to think about stabbing. where there is resistance. there is conscious pain. there is a killer who is just overtaken by madness and anger. madness. the state of mind of reckless madness. during the kensington strangler deal, i read up on a little about the psychology of serial killers, how they like to have a relationship with their victims. this is probably this case of where love goes mad. K.R. obviously couldn't live without Z.F. like, most kids hold their mama's hands when i give them injections, and sometimes when i extract teeth. but, holding baby's mama's hands even when i'm just checking for decay? i can deal with PDA (lived in france for a year!), but it's not like i can say that i enjoy it, especially in my dental chair. anyway, i suppose there was definitely some remorse since he did confess after all. "what have i done? i can't live without her. damn."
-everyone has a deep story. everyone is broken. everyone is in need of grace. i know i'm just as capable of snapping. it's only God's grace that i haven't done anything with such horrendous consequences to this day.
-of course people may seem nice if i only see them every other week. who knows what goes on in the home behind closed doors.
--------
a prayer:
-on christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
-urban life is definitely a lot more stressful than college town serenity where i spent all of my educative years. dental school was possibly the hardest thing i've been through. but, the brokenness and poverty of an inner city neighbourhood usher in a spiritual battle that is wearing on the body, mind and soul. Lord, sustain us. thank you that you are bigger than all these strongholds. thank you that you have already conquered death and sin and fallen-ness.
-please redeem and restore this ugly situation. redeem and restore K.R.'s soul. redeem and restore the kids' souls.
-our life on earth is but a flicker. help me to invest in eternal things and to live for you and your kingdom alone.
amen.
yesterday our team at work found out that one of our patients stabbed his girlfriend to death on saturday. she was also one of our patients. we also saw their kids, ages 3, 2, and 1. we also see his grandmother and mother.
i can't find much information about the incident on the news, because sadly, violence like this in inner city north philadelphia are not considered "news". it happens way too often. "it" referring to "crazy s---". as much as i try to eliminate profanity from my vocab, the english language, as prolific as it is, simply cannot describe it better than "crazy s---".
calvin made the comment that if this happened in the suburbs, it would have been front page, filled with articles and memoriam regarding the victim, and how to help.
anyway, as a way to mourn and address my shock/vicarious trauma/grief, i'd like to write a little obit here.
--
Z.F. was a lovely young woman with a great smile. she always carried herself with gracefulness and dignity. she was the caring mother of three young children. she was a supportive girlfriend, daughter and grand-daughter. she was ambitious and wanted to advance in her career. she was organized, carrying around her huge weekly planner wherever she went.
i got to know Z during her several dental visits and as she also accompanied her family members. she never failed to be polite. she asked a lot of questions and also was open to sharing her life's stories.
she met her boyfriend/baby daddy a few years ago. she didn't like him at first, but he pursued with perseverance and finally won her over. he, K.R. seemed to depend on her a lot. whenever i worked on his teeth, she would hold his hand the entire time. K.R. was also always courteous, though more on the quiet side.
Z.F. passed away at age 24 on saturday, stabbed to death after a domestic argument. K.R., age 23, confessed to the stabbing and is currently being prosecuted for murder. L.N.F., Q.N.F, and L.D.R. are reportedly staying with extended family in delaware.
----
some thanks/lessons learned:
-during lunch after we found out, our team paused and prayed for the family. it's awesome to work in a place where in times of crisis, we can stop and remember our Lord, asking him for strength and peace. i might not see these patients ever again, but i was reminded that our ministry to patients does not just happen when they are in the dental chair, but it happens remotely through our prayers as well.
-i've never really had to deal with such gory news with anyone that i've met face-to-face, and i admit that i was approaching a moment of hysteria. i didn't know why because, after all, i'm just their dentist. and i was only their dentist for about 4 months. my boss reminded me that it must be a hard and heavy news to deal with because i cared for them. yes, i did care for them. and i do care for the family. this is what it's like to be in a helping profession, to encounter thousands of people over a lifetime and rejoice/suffer alongside others. i suppose i could choose to be a dentist that doesn't care. but i'm trying hard not to turn into a dental robot. sometimes my dentistry fails, to my dismay and the only thing that carries me through is my care. i'm so thankful for so many senior doctors at esperanza (i'm the youngest practitioner so far at this time), who exemplify christ's care in our practice.
-after my meltdown in march, i did a few sessions of counseling. my therapist, who is familiar with my organization, informed me that the majority of people who work in my org suffer from vicarious trauma. my inner hypochondriac was excited to receive a diagnosis! i could see that a year and a half of working in the inner city brought a cumulative sum of second-hand, third-hand vicarious trauma. but this was the first time i experience first-hand vicarious trauma. now i can relate better to the traumatized. i've graduated to the next level of empathy. and i've graduated to the next level of casting heavier burdens on christ. 1 peter 5:10.
-so i've shared the story with various people in my philly community life over the past couple days. i've encountered several different reactions. it inspires interesting conversation about death. how does culture affect our response to death? what has shaped my perspective on death?
-recently i've been receiving news of friends' babies born. i'm so happy for new life that enters the world, amidst other lives are ending.
--------
on shock:
-when taina first heard the news from zoraida, she wept. when i heard the news from taina, i yelped. i felt the need to sit down. i almost wanted to vomit or cry. but i could do neither. i imagined what it might have been during the crime. it just seemed so surreal. gun violence someone distances a murderer from their victim. it also happens more quickly. but to think about stabbing. where there is resistance. there is conscious pain. there is a killer who is just overtaken by madness and anger. madness. the state of mind of reckless madness. during the kensington strangler deal, i read up on a little about the psychology of serial killers, how they like to have a relationship with their victims. this is probably this case of where love goes mad. K.R. obviously couldn't live without Z.F. like, most kids hold their mama's hands when i give them injections, and sometimes when i extract teeth. but, holding baby's mama's hands even when i'm just checking for decay? i can deal with PDA (lived in france for a year!), but it's not like i can say that i enjoy it, especially in my dental chair. anyway, i suppose there was definitely some remorse since he did confess after all. "what have i done? i can't live without her. damn."
-everyone has a deep story. everyone is broken. everyone is in need of grace. i know i'm just as capable of snapping. it's only God's grace that i haven't done anything with such horrendous consequences to this day.
-of course people may seem nice if i only see them every other week. who knows what goes on in the home behind closed doors.
--------
a prayer:
-on christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
-urban life is definitely a lot more stressful than college town serenity where i spent all of my educative years. dental school was possibly the hardest thing i've been through. but, the brokenness and poverty of an inner city neighbourhood usher in a spiritual battle that is wearing on the body, mind and soul. Lord, sustain us. thank you that you are bigger than all these strongholds. thank you that you have already conquered death and sin and fallen-ness.
-please redeem and restore this ugly situation. redeem and restore K.R.'s soul. redeem and restore the kids' souls.
-our life on earth is but a flicker. help me to invest in eternal things and to live for you and your kingdom alone.
amen.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
since i've been trying to go outside and walk around during lunch these days, i'm seeing a lot more reality kensington.
wed went to see dexter across the street. we've been working at the same corner all these months and never knew. so it was fun seeing the pharmacy and meeting all the feisty women he works with. they all told their boss about me and now i gotta go again to meet him and be neighbourly. apparently they gotta lock down the place real well at night because there was a break-in in the past where someone DRILLED A TUNNEL through the wall from the back alley to steal drugs.
dexter showed me a bottle of 500 endocet, which costs them about 45$. each pill can sell on the street for $5 each. meaning one could potentially make 2500$ for the bottle.
this is why we do not carry narcotics at esperanza. too much liability.
today i didn't have any food. went to turner's to maybe bring some baked goods to the pharmacy girls as a neighbourly gesture. and since i knew boss jimmy would be there. but marvin was out. i guess he just opens and closes as he pleases. he needs to get air conditioning.
finally, i decided to buy some produce - they were so nice there! $1.50 for a bag of peaches. not too shabby!
on my way there i ran into O. i haven't decided what i should do when i see patients on the street/in the subway. since a lot of people might not want to publicize who is their dentist/that they see a dentist. whatever hipaa rules and stuff. hipaa with dentistry is a little weird. lots of people tell me their dental stories alllll the time and are very open about what goes one w/ their teeth, telling the whole world and all. it's a little different than say, seeing a psychiatrist. or seeing an oncologist. or a plastic surgeon. or other more sensitive issues. however, we are all bound by the same privacy laws. anyway, so O saw me and made eye contact, so i thought, what the heck. i waved really dramatically, then was hoping for the euro bisou rather than a handshake coz who knows what he's touching on the street. but too late, he extended for a handshake and saw that i was extending my cheek so gave me a bisou anyway. then he exclaims to his friend (as they are both smoking on the corner), "hola! das my dentist! where you going?"
and i have no idea why i do this, but i tend to imitate the way people speak. and in this case sounded like a spanish fob. and replied, "i'm hohngry! going to get food!" then skipped away.
O is a recovering drug addict and who knows if he was in a gang. but he knows the streets. he's older now, so kinda retired from a lot of la vida loca. and of course looks older than he is coz of the drugs/smoking.
in contrast to this rather peaceful stroll amidst the urban heat and humidity, right after the produce station i went to walgreens to look for snacks. it seemed crowded but i could imagine a lot of the people were lingering in the store to witness lots of hullabaloo.
security guard was talking in a raised voice with this dude in handcuffs right when i walked in.
"YOU WOULD MUCH RATHER DEAL WIT ME, THAN DEAL WIT DA COPS OUT THERE."
"but i didn't steal anything."
"YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL AND TELLING ME ALL THE SAME STORIES. BUT YOU'RE NOT A PROFESSIONAL, COZ YOU GOT CAUGHT. I'M WATCHING YOU! I SAW EVERYTHING! I'M JUST DOING MY JOB."
"i didn't take anything out of the store."
"YOU KNOW WHAT MY PROTOCOL IS, IF YOU'RE PUTTING THINGS IN YOUR SHIRT AND TRYING TO LEAVE THE STORE. I'VE DONE THIS, LIKE, SIX HAHNDRED TIMES."
then they went back and forth so the entire store could hear.
well, mainly the security guard wanted to flash his badge and feel like he had some power, in a city where, as a minority, he's kinda disempowered in a lot of ways. and who knows what his home life is like. anyway, i'm glad he's doing his job and catching shoplifters. but, the flamboyant display of words was a bit unnecessary and disheartening.
meanwhile, there were two semi-older men trying to return a phone card (where he had already scratched the covering off the pin number). he swore it was unused and that there is no printed notice that it cannot be returned. a younger man in line was trying to translate/reiterate/mediate between the men and the manager. the manager didn't give them much time, frankly told them the no-return policy and walked away. the younger man tried explain what the manager said. the older men were so frustrated, they stormed out the door yelling, "WHERE'S HIS F****** CAR, I'M GONNA THROW A F****** BRICK AT IT!"
the manager was minding his own business when the security guard and cashier were trying to tell him, "they just said they was gonna throw a brick at your car."
manager walks towards the door to take a look.
cashier: "YOU BETTA NOT GO OUT THERE AND LOOK AT YOUR CAR, OTHERWISE THEY KNOW WHICH ONE IS YOURS!"
i was gonna narrate everything else here, but time is short and i don't want to give glory to all the profanity that i heard over the span of 4 minutes paying for my snacks, then walking out through the parking lot, and across the street.
so much is happening on one corner, every single day. can't keep track of it all!
in my mind, i want to be a good citizen and be helpful. but it's moments like these that make me want to just mind my bidness and keep to myself. very typical asian-american thing to do. i guess there's a fine balance between wanting to serve versus wanting to be a hero. i always imagine these scenarios where i would go crazy on vigilantism. and i'm thankful that i have yet to encounter some scenarios and have not done anything foolish (street-wise). God is protecting me here!
wed went to see dexter across the street. we've been working at the same corner all these months and never knew. so it was fun seeing the pharmacy and meeting all the feisty women he works with. they all told their boss about me and now i gotta go again to meet him and be neighbourly. apparently they gotta lock down the place real well at night because there was a break-in in the past where someone DRILLED A TUNNEL through the wall from the back alley to steal drugs.
dexter showed me a bottle of 500 endocet, which costs them about 45$. each pill can sell on the street for $5 each. meaning one could potentially make 2500$ for the bottle.
this is why we do not carry narcotics at esperanza. too much liability.
today i didn't have any food. went to turner's to maybe bring some baked goods to the pharmacy girls as a neighbourly gesture. and since i knew boss jimmy would be there. but marvin was out. i guess he just opens and closes as he pleases. he needs to get air conditioning.
finally, i decided to buy some produce - they were so nice there! $1.50 for a bag of peaches. not too shabby!
on my way there i ran into O. i haven't decided what i should do when i see patients on the street/in the subway. since a lot of people might not want to publicize who is their dentist/that they see a dentist. whatever hipaa rules and stuff. hipaa with dentistry is a little weird. lots of people tell me their dental stories alllll the time and are very open about what goes one w/ their teeth, telling the whole world and all. it's a little different than say, seeing a psychiatrist. or seeing an oncologist. or a plastic surgeon. or other more sensitive issues. however, we are all bound by the same privacy laws. anyway, so O saw me and made eye contact, so i thought, what the heck. i waved really dramatically, then was hoping for the euro bisou rather than a handshake coz who knows what he's touching on the street. but too late, he extended for a handshake and saw that i was extending my cheek so gave me a bisou anyway. then he exclaims to his friend (as they are both smoking on the corner), "hola! das my dentist! where you going?"
and i have no idea why i do this, but i tend to imitate the way people speak. and in this case sounded like a spanish fob. and replied, "i'm hohngry! going to get food!" then skipped away.
O is a recovering drug addict and who knows if he was in a gang. but he knows the streets. he's older now, so kinda retired from a lot of la vida loca. and of course looks older than he is coz of the drugs/smoking.
in contrast to this rather peaceful stroll amidst the urban heat and humidity, right after the produce station i went to walgreens to look for snacks. it seemed crowded but i could imagine a lot of the people were lingering in the store to witness lots of hullabaloo.
security guard was talking in a raised voice with this dude in handcuffs right when i walked in.
"YOU WOULD MUCH RATHER DEAL WIT ME, THAN DEAL WIT DA COPS OUT THERE."
"but i didn't steal anything."
"YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL AND TELLING ME ALL THE SAME STORIES. BUT YOU'RE NOT A PROFESSIONAL, COZ YOU GOT CAUGHT. I'M WATCHING YOU! I SAW EVERYTHING! I'M JUST DOING MY JOB."
"i didn't take anything out of the store."
"YOU KNOW WHAT MY PROTOCOL IS, IF YOU'RE PUTTING THINGS IN YOUR SHIRT AND TRYING TO LEAVE THE STORE. I'VE DONE THIS, LIKE, SIX HAHNDRED TIMES."
then they went back and forth so the entire store could hear.
well, mainly the security guard wanted to flash his badge and feel like he had some power, in a city where, as a minority, he's kinda disempowered in a lot of ways. and who knows what his home life is like. anyway, i'm glad he's doing his job and catching shoplifters. but, the flamboyant display of words was a bit unnecessary and disheartening.
meanwhile, there were two semi-older men trying to return a phone card (where he had already scratched the covering off the pin number). he swore it was unused and that there is no printed notice that it cannot be returned. a younger man in line was trying to translate/reiterate/mediate between the men and the manager. the manager didn't give them much time, frankly told them the no-return policy and walked away. the younger man tried explain what the manager said. the older men were so frustrated, they stormed out the door yelling, "WHERE'S HIS F****** CAR, I'M GONNA THROW A F****** BRICK AT IT!"
the manager was minding his own business when the security guard and cashier were trying to tell him, "they just said they was gonna throw a brick at your car."
manager walks towards the door to take a look.
cashier: "YOU BETTA NOT GO OUT THERE AND LOOK AT YOUR CAR, OTHERWISE THEY KNOW WHICH ONE IS YOURS!"
i was gonna narrate everything else here, but time is short and i don't want to give glory to all the profanity that i heard over the span of 4 minutes paying for my snacks, then walking out through the parking lot, and across the street.
so much is happening on one corner, every single day. can't keep track of it all!
in my mind, i want to be a good citizen and be helpful. but it's moments like these that make me want to just mind my bidness and keep to myself. very typical asian-american thing to do. i guess there's a fine balance between wanting to serve versus wanting to be a hero. i always imagine these scenarios where i would go crazy on vigilantism. and i'm thankful that i have yet to encounter some scenarios and have not done anything foolish (street-wise). God is protecting me here!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
another example of emotions in PR culture.
today S came back for her teeth to be cleaned. i asked if she had any summer plans. she said that they might move to new york. then talked about this roller coaster ride of how she was supposed to find out in april, then may, and now the news is postponed until june. and the suspense is killing her! even though she is only 7 years old.
i asked if she wanted to move.
she said no.
i told her how i had to move at 14 and it sucked. but it makes us stronger.
at the end of our visit, i said, 'hopefully i'll see you in six months, but if not, then i'll say bye right now just in case.'
then she goes, 'stop! you're gonna make me cry!' as she's waving her hands in front of her face, like, feeling verklempt.
so, we hug.
then she goes, "it was nice knowin' ya."
sooo precious!
anyway, sometimes people say that this job is really hard and thankless. but there are the occasional patients that make it all worth it.
i can't say this was enough of a healing moment to compensate for the other 20 patients i saw today in 90 degree heat. haha. but, it definitely makes a positive difference.
the parents of this family sold their beauty supply store and are going to pursue full-time ministry, hence the possible move to a new city.
anyway. i know these girls (S and her sisters) are in good hands and Good Hands.
today S came back for her teeth to be cleaned. i asked if she had any summer plans. she said that they might move to new york. then talked about this roller coaster ride of how she was supposed to find out in april, then may, and now the news is postponed until june. and the suspense is killing her! even though she is only 7 years old.
i asked if she wanted to move.
she said no.
i told her how i had to move at 14 and it sucked. but it makes us stronger.
at the end of our visit, i said, 'hopefully i'll see you in six months, but if not, then i'll say bye right now just in case.'
then she goes, 'stop! you're gonna make me cry!' as she's waving her hands in front of her face, like, feeling verklempt.
so, we hug.
then she goes, "it was nice knowin' ya."
sooo precious!
anyway, sometimes people say that this job is really hard and thankless. but there are the occasional patients that make it all worth it.
i can't say this was enough of a healing moment to compensate for the other 20 patients i saw today in 90 degree heat. haha. but, it definitely makes a positive difference.
the parents of this family sold their beauty supply store and are going to pursue full-time ministry, hence the possible move to a new city.
anyway. i know these girls (S and her sisters) are in good hands and Good Hands.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
giving an injection to a kid yesterday and he kinda squealed. i felt really bad. he was strong and fought it and didn't go berserk, like some kids. he just kinda screamed and said, 'IT HURTS!!!'
then after it was done, he just sat there kinda stunned, breathing deeply, and repeating, 'goddamm', over and over and over.
so it's heartbreaking on multiple levels.
i hate making kids cry w/ injections.
he's using his words... but who in the world taught him those words? he's only 6.
anyway, i tried to get him to calm down, like trying to calm down a baby.
calvin, not really knowing what to say goes, "umm... maybe you can use different words to express your pain?" or something along those lines.
i dunno if he heard that or not. we try to facilitate positive teaching moments w/ the patients. but unfortunately, the vulgar reaction is already kinda infused in his mind.
----------
hitched a ride w/ dexter the other day and he decided to drive down kensington. i never drove down that way before, usually taking frankford in the car or can't see the street from the train. anyway, totally shed new light on what people are talking about when they say "rough". my block doesn't seem that bad. the brokenness is masked by lots of storefronts and businesses. the corner towards somerset is more notorious for drugs, prostitution and other crime. def more people spaced out on the corners and sitting on the stoops.
when it's bright and sunny outside it doesn't seem that bad. and sometimes i entertain the idea of incarnational ministry... like living and working among the people.
then after it was done, he just sat there kinda stunned, breathing deeply, and repeating, 'goddamm', over and over and over.
so it's heartbreaking on multiple levels.
i hate making kids cry w/ injections.
he's using his words... but who in the world taught him those words? he's only 6.
anyway, i tried to get him to calm down, like trying to calm down a baby.
calvin, not really knowing what to say goes, "umm... maybe you can use different words to express your pain?" or something along those lines.
i dunno if he heard that or not. we try to facilitate positive teaching moments w/ the patients. but unfortunately, the vulgar reaction is already kinda infused in his mind.
----------
hitched a ride w/ dexter the other day and he decided to drive down kensington. i never drove down that way before, usually taking frankford in the car or can't see the street from the train. anyway, totally shed new light on what people are talking about when they say "rough". my block doesn't seem that bad. the brokenness is masked by lots of storefronts and businesses. the corner towards somerset is more notorious for drugs, prostitution and other crime. def more people spaced out on the corners and sitting on the stoops.
when it's bright and sunny outside it doesn't seem that bad. and sometimes i entertain the idea of incarnational ministry... like living and working among the people.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
my friend jenny told me she recently went to rural alabama to visit some friends. one of the locals found out she was from the north and said, "hey! let's give her a real southern experience!!!"
so they took her
-fishing (for catfish)
-shooting (with rifles at pop cans in a field)
-dirt biking (around the farm and through mud puddles)
true story.
so the other day when she was telling me all this, i was wondering what one would do as an ambassador in philly for a guest/foreigner and give them "a real philly experience!"
jenny was thinking maybe a ride on SEPTA. public transportation is def interesting here.
some other things i can think of...
-parallel parking!
-dodging bullets! (just kidding!)
-taking a cab
-tagging a wall (also kidding)
okay, i guess some typical philly activities:
-cheesesteak
-run up the rocky steps at the art museum
-philly mural tour
-visiting all the historical sites
-going for a horse buggy ride
-pro sports game
and much much more
so they took her
-fishing (for catfish)
-shooting (with rifles at pop cans in a field)
-dirt biking (around the farm and through mud puddles)
true story.
so the other day when she was telling me all this, i was wondering what one would do as an ambassador in philly for a guest/foreigner and give them "a real philly experience!"
jenny was thinking maybe a ride on SEPTA. public transportation is def interesting here.
some other things i can think of...
-parallel parking!
-dodging bullets! (just kidding!)
-taking a cab
-tagging a wall (also kidding)
okay, i guess some typical philly activities:
-cheesesteak
-run up the rocky steps at the art museum
-philly mural tour
-visiting all the historical sites
-going for a horse buggy ride
-pro sports game
and much much more
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
allez kensington
haven't walked up and down the neighbourhood in a while. monday i didn't have a lunch so i went out to get a slice of pizza.
before i could order the person in front of me asks, "excuse me miss, do you have an extra $2 so that i could get another slice of pizza?"
in my head: "what just happened? who are you? i don't even know what to say."
me: "sorry, could you repeat that please?"
dude: "i just bought one slice of pizza [sitting on the counter], but i want to eat two, except that i don't have enough money."
me: [still confused] "so you don't have another two dollars? and you want me to give you money to buy another slice of pizza?"
dude: "yes, miss."
in my head: "i really don't have time to think about this right now. my cash is already in my hand and i visibly do have an extra two dollars. he's like 6 feet tall, and looks maybe age 24-29?
get a job, ninja!!!"
me: "ok, i'll buy you a piece of pizza."
dude: "thank you so much, miss."
me: "maybe you should watch your cholesterol." [as i'm walking away with my pepperoni pizza dripping in grease...]
dude: "huh?"
me: "yeah."
before i could order the person in front of me asks, "excuse me miss, do you have an extra $2 so that i could get another slice of pizza?"
in my head: "what just happened? who are you? i don't even know what to say."
me: "sorry, could you repeat that please?"
dude: "i just bought one slice of pizza [sitting on the counter], but i want to eat two, except that i don't have enough money."
me: [still confused] "so you don't have another two dollars? and you want me to give you money to buy another slice of pizza?"
dude: "yes, miss."
in my head: "i really don't have time to think about this right now. my cash is already in my hand and i visibly do have an extra two dollars. he's like 6 feet tall, and looks maybe age 24-29?
get a job, ninja!!!"
me: "ok, i'll buy you a piece of pizza."
dude: "thank you so much, miss."
me: "maybe you should watch your cholesterol." [as i'm walking away with my pepperoni pizza dripping in grease...]
dude: "huh?"
me: "yeah."
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
what goes around comes around.
today i stopped in happy donut for my first water ice of the season. i rarely see asians in kensington. and when i do i gawk like a tourist. so, the staff at happy donut are of east asian descent. and i paid my dollar then blurt, "are you chinese? vietnamese? ...(come on, humour me here...)" then the woman looks at me, kinda surprised with a hint of offended, and goes, "we're cambodian". "umm... are YOU chinese?"
"no, i'm taiwanese." hehe. waah.
[IT'S TAIWANESE AMERICAN HERITAGE WEEK]
anyway, i walked back to work and told my coworkers how i made a "racist" comment and asked if they were chinese. which is a 2% legit question, since happy donut sells "chinese food". but i shoulda/coulda guessed cambodian because, statistically speaking, the likelihood that an asian doughnut shop owner would be cambodian is definitely higher compared to other ethnicities.
so in that moment i instantly forgave everyone who has ever asked me such questions.
later today i was walking home and i hear someone say, "ni hao!" with incorrect tones.
i decide to humour him, turn around, and say "ni hao! teeheehee" back. i couldn't help the giggling at the end.
of course during the rest of my walk back i thought of everything i should have said:
"hai hao!!! hao jiu bu jien!!! ni ne?!!!" (chinese 101 skit #1)
"ninja!" (ninja as a euphemism for a really bad 'n' word)
"wassup mah brutha!"
"hakuna matata?" (just tryin' to reciprocate and speak your language here...)
this also made me think of j at work, who still calls me 'chinita' even though all my team tells him, "oooh daaang, you betta not call her dat coz she not chinese."
so my future comeback is to dish it back to him and call him mexican. which i'm sure he will appreciate.
today i stopped in happy donut for my first water ice of the season. i rarely see asians in kensington. and when i do i gawk like a tourist. so, the staff at happy donut are of east asian descent. and i paid my dollar then blurt, "are you chinese? vietnamese? ...(come on, humour me here...)" then the woman looks at me, kinda surprised with a hint of offended, and goes, "we're cambodian". "umm... are YOU chinese?"
"no, i'm taiwanese." hehe. waah.
[IT'S TAIWANESE AMERICAN HERITAGE WEEK]
anyway, i walked back to work and told my coworkers how i made a "racist" comment and asked if they were chinese. which is a 2% legit question, since happy donut sells "chinese food". but i shoulda/coulda guessed cambodian because, statistically speaking, the likelihood that an asian doughnut shop owner would be cambodian is definitely higher compared to other ethnicities.
so in that moment i instantly forgave everyone who has ever asked me such questions.
later today i was walking home and i hear someone say, "ni hao!" with incorrect tones.
i decide to humour him, turn around, and say "ni hao! teeheehee" back. i couldn't help the giggling at the end.
of course during the rest of my walk back i thought of everything i should have said:
"hai hao!!! hao jiu bu jien!!! ni ne?!!!" (chinese 101 skit #1)
"ninja!" (ninja as a euphemism for a really bad 'n' word)
"wassup mah brutha!"
"hakuna matata?" (just tryin' to reciprocate and speak your language here...)
this also made me think of j at work, who still calls me 'chinita' even though all my team tells him, "oooh daaang, you betta not call her dat coz she not chinese.
so my future comeback is to dish it back to him and call him mexican. which i'm sure he will appreciate.
a mennonite moment:
there are quite a few mennonites in the city doing justice/peace/restoration type work. including a few co-workers.
c is in my home group/small group/family group at church and his parents are mennonite, and he's pretty fond of his heritage. anyway, the other day i walked into the room and he was sitting on te couch. in the current conversation he said something not very intelligent-sounding. ok, so sometimes i need a better filter between my brain and my mouth. filter fail, and i called him out on it. which wasn't completely cutting. but it wasn't edifying. actually it was kind of funny. at least everyone else laughed. c stood up from where he was sitting and headed towards me. i braced myself and prepared to flinch. looking back on this, i think it's because i grew up with an older brother who was/is/always will be bigger than me. and if i insult him, i naturally react in retreat for fear that he will slap or punch me. (all in brotherly love, of course. ...i know i have issues...) anyway, c just extended his hand for a handshake and said, "hello, amy. how are you doing?"
peace!
so peaceful. and that was a mennonite moment.
there are quite a few mennonites in the city doing justice/peace/restoration type work. including a few co-workers.
c is in my home group/small group/family group at church and his parents are mennonite, and he's pretty fond of his heritage. anyway, the other day i walked into the room and he was sitting on te couch. in the current conversation he said something not very intelligent-sounding. ok, so sometimes i need a better filter between my brain and my mouth. filter fail, and i called him out on it. which wasn't completely cutting. but it wasn't edifying. actually it was kind of funny. at least everyone else laughed. c stood up from where he was sitting and headed towards me. i braced myself and prepared to flinch. looking back on this, i think it's because i grew up with an older brother who was/is/always will be bigger than me. and if i insult him, i naturally react in retreat for fear that he will slap or punch me. (all in brotherly love, of course. ...i know i have issues...) anyway, c just extended his hand for a handshake and said, "hello, amy. how are you doing?"
peace!
so peaceful. and that was a mennonite moment.
Monday, May 9, 2011
so you know your family is complicated when...
somehow the topic of basketball came up. so i asked pt if she's following the nba playoffs. then she exclaims, "my brother is in the nba!"
me: "oh really? which team? cool!"
patient: "umm... what's his name? umm... zach reading! i think he plays for detroit."
me: "cool. i'm from the detroit area. i'll look him up."
patient: "yeah, he's my real brother. well, on my dad's side."
me: "oh okay. tell him to hook you up with some tickets!"
patient: "oh, does, whenever he comes up to play here, i go see the sixers with my dad."
anyway, i haven't been following the nba like i used to. ...err since grade 8. but there's a player named zach randolph who came from mich state, but he's playing for memphis.
so, i don't doubt my patient's sincerity w/ her story. mostly coz i've seen a lot of daddies that have been around 'round here. but that's a little difficult to not keep track of a plethora of siblings.
somehow the topic of basketball came up. so i asked pt if she's following the nba playoffs. then she exclaims, "my brother is in the nba!"
me: "oh really? which team? cool!"
patient: "umm... what's his name? umm... zach reading! i think he plays for detroit."
me: "cool. i'm from the detroit area. i'll look him up."
patient: "yeah, he's my real brother. well, on my dad's side."
me: "oh okay. tell him to hook you up with some tickets!"
patient: "oh, does, whenever he comes up to play here, i go see the sixers with my dad."
anyway, i haven't been following the nba like i used to. ...err since grade 8. but there's a player named zach randolph who came from mich state, but he's playing for memphis.
so, i don't doubt my patient's sincerity w/ her story. mostly coz i've seen a lot of daddies that have been around 'round here. but that's a little difficult to not keep track of a plethora of siblings.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
amazing what sunshine can do...
work on saturday and left to find kensington ave hip and happening with all the store vendors on the sidewalk selling lots of mother's day gift baskets among some unnecessary cheapo stuff.
kinda hectic with lots and lots of people everywhere coz it's too hot inside the row homes. or maybe home is too stressful.
anyway, despite all the crazy litter that abounds (my pet peeve) (no one has seen the sesame street episode when grover throws his trash on the ground and then eventually is chased by a giant boulder of trash?)... the neighbourhood seemed so nice (same feeling visiting irvine, california). even the roughest 'hoods are transformed with some blue skies and sunshine.
work on saturday and left to find kensington ave hip and happening with all the store vendors on the sidewalk selling lots of mother's day gift baskets among some unnecessary cheapo stuff.
kinda hectic with lots and lots of people everywhere coz it's too hot inside the row homes. or maybe home is too stressful.
anyway, despite all the crazy litter that abounds (my pet peeve) (no one has seen the sesame street episode when grover throws his trash on the ground and then eventually is chased by a giant boulder of trash?)... the neighbourhood seemed so nice (same feeling visiting irvine, california). even the roughest 'hoods are transformed with some blue skies and sunshine.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
when there aren't as many patients i think i subconsciously spend more time explaining and chatting with the ones who do come. and then in the end that prolly takes more energy than actual dental work.
so drained today.
M is a cute old lady and she calls me 'doctorita'... jajaja. when we do dentures we have to ask patients to pronounce different words and make sure they can say different letters that require teeth and tongue, like F, S, X, TH. so normally in english we have people count to 10. then say words like 'mexico' and 'mississippi' and 'texas'. puerto ricans don't always pronounce any X or S so it's a little interesting going through phonics. M is peruvian and it was really funny when i asked her to say 'texas', then 'mexico'... and then right away she exclaims, "peru!"
so then i play along... diga lima! diga cuzco! diga machu pichu! and that's all i could remember.
then she and her son talked for about 10 minutes about why i should visit peru. and what the spaniards did to the incas. kinda a little bitterness in her heart because she speaks quechua. meaning that she's native. i think. gotta look up the cultural info.
S came back and her cell phone ring is really vulgar. she's got 'tude for sure. calvin likes it because he likes it when people are open and direct. versus A who didn't say much and she seemed a little nervous.
F came in and all the front desk were wary of him that he might try and be slick with us in getting what he wants. turns out his dad is a pastor working in the inner city ministry where hmcc used partner with, way back in the day. anyway, he totally seems like a punk. even though he is smart. but it's almost like he's living in his dad's shadow of major spiritual influence in the area but then somewhat resistant to follow that path. so even if he knows what God could potentially do through his life, he's choosing to dwell in the vices of the community, yet at an arms length.
which i suppose, is a universal human thing to do when having been taught all one's life to live for Christ... wavering between complete surrender and wanting to live for self.
anyway. even though we were all a little weirded out by him, F was definitely entertaining. E was in the waiting room with her son. she wears her hair dyed bleach blond with hot pink highlights and styles it in a beehive. it's lady gaga-esque in terms of flamboyancy and flair. F started singing cyndi lauper songs after seeing her hair. yoli came in and talked about how her new bracelet was making her arm itchy. F overheard her and tried to make a joke that it prolly was from the bees from E's hair.
we are all fallen and broken and depraved.
one thing that was sweet was that he proposed because he liked my sense of humour. very unique reason! compared to the usual reasons other hoodlums give for proposing.
one thing that freaked us out was that F wanted to film the procedure and brought a mini recorder to do so. this video had better not show up on youtube. and it had better not go viral. there's a part where i lost hold of the cotton and he unnecessarily gagged like a drama queen.
the redeeming factor in this visit was that i was compelled to search for F's dad's ministry online and then read his testimony.
other than that. i read tim keller's 'prodigal god' today. good quick read!
so drained today.
M is a cute old lady and she calls me 'doctorita'... jajaja. when we do dentures we have to ask patients to pronounce different words and make sure they can say different letters that require teeth and tongue, like F, S, X, TH. so normally in english we have people count to 10. then say words like 'mexico' and 'mississippi' and 'texas'. puerto ricans don't always pronounce any X or S so it's a little interesting going through phonics. M is peruvian and it was really funny when i asked her to say 'texas', then 'mexico'... and then right away she exclaims, "peru!"
so then i play along... diga lima! diga cuzco! diga machu pichu! and that's all i could remember.
then she and her son talked for about 10 minutes about why i should visit peru. and what the spaniards did to the incas. kinda a little bitterness in her heart because she speaks quechua. meaning that she's native. i think. gotta look up the cultural info.
S came back and her cell phone ring is really vulgar. she's got 'tude for sure. calvin likes it because he likes it when people are open and direct. versus A who didn't say much and she seemed a little nervous.
F came in and all the front desk were wary of him that he might try and be slick with us in getting what he wants. turns out his dad is a pastor working in the inner city ministry where hmcc used partner with, way back in the day. anyway, he totally seems like a punk. even though he is smart. but it's almost like he's living in his dad's shadow of major spiritual influence in the area but then somewhat resistant to follow that path. so even if he knows what God could potentially do through his life, he's choosing to dwell in the vices of the community, yet at an arms length.
which i suppose, is a universal human thing to do when having been taught all one's life to live for Christ... wavering between complete surrender and wanting to live for self.
anyway. even though we were all a little weirded out by him, F was definitely entertaining. E was in the waiting room with her son. she wears her hair dyed bleach blond with hot pink highlights and styles it in a beehive. it's lady gaga-esque in terms of flamboyancy and flair. F started singing cyndi lauper songs after seeing her hair. yoli came in and talked about how her new bracelet was making her arm itchy. F overheard her and tried to make a joke that it prolly was from the bees from E's hair.
we are all fallen and broken and depraved.
one thing that was sweet was that he proposed because he liked my sense of humour. very unique reason! compared to the usual reasons other hoodlums give for proposing.
one thing that freaked us out was that F wanted to film the procedure and brought a mini recorder to do so. this video had better not show up on youtube. and it had better not go viral. there's a part where i lost hold of the cotton and he unnecessarily gagged like a drama queen.
the redeeming factor in this visit was that i was compelled to search for F's dad's ministry online and then read his testimony.
other than that. i read tim keller's 'prodigal god' today. good quick read!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
is there a contest to see who can have the most babies?
29 yr old patient today bore 6 children ages 7 through 14.
used to smoke 2 packs a day. now smokes 6 cigs a day.
not yet willing to quit because life is too busy/stressful.
anyway, can't even imagine what that does to the body besides what i can already see that there are a some broken teeth and lots of tartar buildup.
on a different note
pastor c played a youtube clip of david wilkerson's 'anguish' sermon this morning. basically a call to christians to be in anguish (...along the lines of praying until it hurts, aching for heaven, aching for righteousness and for kingdom come)
so, have been thinking about the purpose of life. naturally. and have some new thoughts, conclusions. or renewed thoughts and conclusions.
29 yr old patient today bore 6 children ages 7 through 14.
used to smoke 2 packs a day. now smokes 6 cigs a day.
not yet willing to quit because life is too busy/stressful.
anyway, can't even imagine what that does to the body besides what i can already see that there are a some broken teeth and lots of tartar buildup.
on a different note
pastor c played a youtube clip of david wilkerson's 'anguish' sermon this morning. basically a call to christians to be in anguish (...along the lines of praying until it hurts, aching for heaven, aching for righteousness and for kingdom come)
so, have been thinking about the purpose of life. naturally. and have some new thoughts, conclusions. or renewed thoughts and conclusions.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
-riding the blue line home and around the corner was a mom yelling the most expletives per sentence ratio i've ever heard in my life. her two little kids sat quietly eating their cookies. i hope these kids don't start speaking like that. (i think her speech must be habitually like that). but, hope is all i can contribute at this point.
-to the side was another kid, maybe 13 or 14 eating his mcd's sundae. his phone rings and he picks up and says, "yooo". so smooth! this is a different generation.
-i've been thinking a lot about intonation. and how things get lost in translation via intonation. i'm going to post about this every day for a while coz it's on my mind and therefore, i'm noticing it way too much. anyway, today was walking home and this woman was on the phone saying, "but i think about you all the time." and that line usually is sweet and loving. but she said it in a tone where my initial reaction is "why are you disrespecting me like that?"
-best kids ever this afternoon! i love working on kids who don't cry and scream. one of them was practically sleeping. and he wasn't even on any medication! ...the little things that make me happy.
-speaking of happy, i got a haircut and the stylist's name is happy. i decided to check out this salon in chinatown, to support my neighbourhood and the yelp reviews were decent. he kinda turned me into a fob. not really. but it's the fobbiest haircut i've ever had. anyway, i totally know how my patients feel because i waited a hella long time... which is fine since i just came in as a walk-in. but happy was working on this girl's extensions and it was a really long process. i appreciate he is really meticulous. i also know how he feels coz i know what it's like to run behind and to go over closing time. i understand my patients who face language barriers. seriously, like, no one spoke english at this salon. and my chinese is really bad. i thought i had read on yelp that it was a taiwanese salon. happy is from china. and i didn't want to go down any heated convos esp while he had scissors and my hair in his hands.
anyway, i realized that he was trying to understand what i was saying in english, but maybe understood only 10% of it. which makes me wonder what my patients understand when i speak spanglish. they probably all think that it's okay to eat candy all day. or that they should sip on mountain dew throughout the night while they are sleeping. and that it's not important to floss.
-read an editorial about access to care in rural areas; whereas the problem in the inner cities is 'barriers' to care. which is exactly what i've been thinking earlier this week when thinking about the patients here.
barriers include - fear, lack of education, non-value and miscommunication.
-to the side was another kid, maybe 13 or 14 eating his mcd's sundae. his phone rings and he picks up and says, "yooo". so smooth! this is a different generation.
-i've been thinking a lot about intonation. and how things get lost in translation via intonation. i'm going to post about this every day for a while coz it's on my mind and therefore, i'm noticing it way too much. anyway, today was walking home and this woman was on the phone saying, "but i think about you all the time." and that line usually is sweet and loving. but she said it in a tone where my initial reaction is "why are you disrespecting me like that?"
-best kids ever this afternoon! i love working on kids who don't cry and scream. one of them was practically sleeping. and he wasn't even on any medication! ...the little things that make me happy.
-speaking of happy, i got a haircut and the stylist's name is happy. i decided to check out this salon in chinatown, to support my neighbourhood and the yelp reviews were decent. he kinda turned me into a fob. not really. but it's the fobbiest haircut i've ever had. anyway, i totally know how my patients feel because i waited a hella long time... which is fine since i just came in as a walk-in. but happy was working on this girl's extensions and it was a really long process. i appreciate he is really meticulous. i also know how he feels coz i know what it's like to run behind and to go over closing time. i understand my patients who face language barriers. seriously, like, no one spoke english at this salon. and my chinese is really bad. i thought i had read on yelp that it was a taiwanese salon. happy is from china. and i didn't want to go down any heated convos esp while he had scissors and my hair in his hands.
anyway, i realized that he was trying to understand what i was saying in english, but maybe understood only 10% of it. which makes me wonder what my patients understand when i speak spanglish. they probably all think that it's okay to eat candy all day. or that they should sip on mountain dew throughout the night while they are sleeping. and that it's not important to floss.
-read an editorial about access to care in rural areas; whereas the problem in the inner cities is 'barriers' to care. which is exactly what i've been thinking earlier this week when thinking about the patients here.
barriers include - fear, lack of education, non-value and miscommunication.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
making a blog comeback...
anyway.
today... what are the chances that my 3 most tatted patients all came in today?! N is an older man, kinda, or at least looks older than he is, and i pulled down his lip and saw some black marks and was thinking, 'oh s***, what the heck is this, i don't want it to be melanoma' and then i pulled the lip some more and it was a tattoo on the inside of his lip! i have only seen those in books. i didn't expect to see one in real life so soon. but that's north philly for ya. anyway, i pulled it all the way down to read it and it was a little too faded. it was the name of his girlfriend from age 17 or 18. and they had a kid together. nobody uses the word 'girlfriend' or 'wife' here. just, 'we had a kid together'. so, i asked if he also has a tat of his kids' name. and then he pulls up his L pant leg. and there are, like, 20 tattoos below the knee. no real order. it looks like some kindergartener had a rubber stamp spree. kinda. maybe not as messy. and then i asked how many tattoos he has (i ask this question a lot... so shameless of me! i don't care, people think i'm a foreigner.) and then he pulls up his R pant leg. and then it's like rubber stamping times 2.
just when i didn't think i had enough, S came back. and she was totally fun for the first 15 minutes. and then she nearly made me cry. on my birthday. but also because i was starving and grumpy.
so my side commentary about north philly... lots of women here speak with a 'tude in their intonation. even if it's a totally loving conversation or a boring topic. so, instead of just saying "one, two, three, four, five"
it'll come out "one, teew. [head to the right] three, fo'. [head to the left] FIVE. [eyebrows raised]"
but really they actually still mean "one, two, three, four, five".
anyway, when people speak to me with a 'tude, i just try to filter out the intonation. sometimes it's funny. sometimes it works. and other times i become really passive aggressive and want to shove people's dentures down their throats. but i would never do that.
anyway, she's a tattoo artist. and she did a star tattoo (looks like a lucky charm marshmallow) on her face where the marilyn monroe mole should be. and she was wearing pants rolled up to her knees, exposing rubber stamping times a hundred on both her legs. she did those tats herself. which makes me wonder how she is so afraid of dental injections. then... i could see her chest that is covered with a pink spider web. the other thing is that she also had an attempted inner lower lip tattoo. it's like she tried to use the gun on herself and kept saying 'ouch!' 'ow!' 'ay!'... and then it looked like a kindergartener getting frustrated trying to write cursive on top of a moving vehicle.
as if that wasn't entertaining, M came today as well. he's the dude with the cartoon red devil on his face and spider webs and bones and teeth tattooed all over himself. the first time he came he seemed a little moody. but today he was super sweet. i wonder what happened. maybe i smiled better. instead of gawked. anyway. he got all the tats done in puerto rico in prison. my spanish still isn't the greatest. i asked what the number on his hand meant. he said 'un grupo en puerto rico'. he thought it was funny when i asked, 'un grupo de musicos?'. and he was like, 'no, un grupo en prison'.
anyway, i wonder if he thought he would ever get out of jail and thought about the social consequences of having so many visible tats during middle/old age. it was interesting seeing the little kids on our pediatrics floor react to seeing him.
speaking of youthful folly.
H came today with a toothache. he spent the last 9 years in prison for robbery. i'm guessing armed and with some kind of assault, otherwise i can't imagine 9 years. i dunno much about the criminal justice system here. and H confirmed it. when he told me he was on parole for the next 3 years, i asked if there were cameras at his house. he said, 'no, you watch too much t.v.' and then laughed at me for asking such outlandish questions. so i said i asked because i have another patient who is 17 and has to wear an anklet that is locked on her limb as a tracking device, because she's already been in and out of jail. anyway, he just he needs a clean record for the next 3 years.
i told him to stay away from trouble. the story from last night was that he was having a toothache. so a girl told him she'd get him some meds. she gave him some aleve and half a percocet. then he went to sleep right away. this morning he woke up and she was gone. and she took his wallet with her. he didn't know how he was gonna get home after the dentist. i felt bad and gave him a token. a token for septa. not a token of friendship. or a token of love. haha. or maybe all tokens are tokens.
we offered some empathy and said 'that sucks'. he then responded with, 'no biggie. she only took a few dollars.' but if it's the only dollars you have, it's kind of a blow. so he said karma will prevail and usually 2-fold. speaking of folds, he said he would find her and steal all of her clothes including, 'her socks, drawls, bras, shirts, pants, so she'll have no clothes to wear.' i didn't know women wore drawls.
he then asked, 'what would you do if you were me?'
'well, i would maybe find out WHY she took your money? maybe she's got a lot of issues going on?'
'yeah she has issues.'
'or maybe she needed it for an emergency but had every intention of giving it back.'
'she should give it back double right?'
'i dunno.'
i've never been in this situation.
it was compelling to hear him say, "i see a lot of little me's on the streets and try to warn them. before i did time, i heard a lot of people telling me to live a certain way and it was like it went in one ear and out the other. once i was put in jail i had more time to think and thought, 'WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO THEM?!'"
the other interesting thing he said was that the 'little me's' have no idea how bad the drug dealing life is. maybe you can make $100 a night. but, what can that provide? it can't support a child. (i guess he's assuming that many people father many children? and feel responsible to provide for their kids?) 'if you by a pair of pampers and some formula, that's already a lot of money'.
lotsa dark forces and spiritual battle around in these broken 'hoods.
anyway.
today... what are the chances that my 3 most tatted patients all came in today?! N is an older man, kinda, or at least looks older than he is, and i pulled down his lip and saw some black marks and was thinking, 'oh s***, what the heck is this, i don't want it to be melanoma' and then i pulled the lip some more and it was a tattoo on the inside of his lip! i have only seen those in books. i didn't expect to see one in real life so soon. but that's north philly for ya. anyway, i pulled it all the way down to read it and it was a little too faded. it was the name of his girlfriend from age 17 or 18. and they had a kid together. nobody uses the word 'girlfriend' or 'wife' here. just, 'we had a kid together'. so, i asked if he also has a tat of his kids' name. and then he pulls up his L pant leg. and there are, like, 20 tattoos below the knee. no real order. it looks like some kindergartener had a rubber stamp spree. kinda. maybe not as messy. and then i asked how many tattoos he has (i ask this question a lot... so shameless of me! i don't care, people think i'm a foreigner.) and then he pulls up his R pant leg. and then it's like rubber stamping times 2.
just when i didn't think i had enough, S came back. and she was totally fun for the first 15 minutes. and then she nearly made me cry. on my birthday. but also because i was starving and grumpy.
so my side commentary about north philly... lots of women here speak with a 'tude in their intonation. even if it's a totally loving conversation or a boring topic. so, instead of just saying "one, two, three, four, five"
it'll come out "one, teew. [head to the right] three, fo'. [head to the left] FIVE. [eyebrows raised]"
but really they actually still mean "one, two, three, four, five".
anyway, when people speak to me with a 'tude, i just try to filter out the intonation. sometimes it's funny. sometimes it works. and other times i become really passive aggressive and want to shove people's dentures down their throats. but i would never do that.
anyway, she's a tattoo artist. and she did a star tattoo (looks like a lucky charm marshmallow) on her face where the marilyn monroe mole should be. and she was wearing pants rolled up to her knees, exposing rubber stamping times a hundred on both her legs. she did those tats herself. which makes me wonder how she is so afraid of dental injections. then... i could see her chest that is covered with a pink spider web. the other thing is that she also had an attempted inner lower lip tattoo. it's like she tried to use the gun on herself and kept saying 'ouch!' 'ow!' 'ay!'... and then it looked like a kindergartener getting frustrated trying to write cursive on top of a moving vehicle.
as if that wasn't entertaining, M came today as well. he's the dude with the cartoon red devil on his face and spider webs and bones and teeth tattooed all over himself. the first time he came he seemed a little moody. but today he was super sweet. i wonder what happened. maybe i smiled better. instead of gawked. anyway. he got all the tats done in puerto rico in prison. my spanish still isn't the greatest. i asked what the number on his hand meant. he said 'un grupo en puerto rico'. he thought it was funny when i asked, 'un grupo de musicos?'. and he was like, 'no, un grupo en prison'.
anyway, i wonder if he thought he would ever get out of jail and thought about the social consequences of having so many visible tats during middle/old age. it was interesting seeing the little kids on our pediatrics floor react to seeing him.
speaking of youthful folly.
H came today with a toothache. he spent the last 9 years in prison for robbery. i'm guessing armed and with some kind of assault, otherwise i can't imagine 9 years. i dunno much about the criminal justice system here. and H confirmed it. when he told me he was on parole for the next 3 years, i asked if there were cameras at his house. he said, 'no, you watch too much t.v.' and then laughed at me for asking such outlandish questions. so i said i asked because i have another patient who is 17 and has to wear an anklet that is locked on her limb as a tracking device, because she's already been in and out of jail. anyway, he just he needs a clean record for the next 3 years.
i told him to stay away from trouble. the story from last night was that he was having a toothache. so a girl told him she'd get him some meds. she gave him some aleve and half a percocet. then he went to sleep right away. this morning he woke up and she was gone. and she took his wallet with her. he didn't know how he was gonna get home after the dentist. i felt bad and gave him a token. a token for septa. not a token of friendship. or a token of love. haha. or maybe all tokens are tokens.
we offered some empathy and said 'that sucks'. he then responded with, 'no biggie. she only took a few dollars.' but if it's the only dollars you have, it's kind of a blow. so he said karma will prevail and usually 2-fold. speaking of folds, he said he would find her and steal all of her clothes including, 'her socks, drawls, bras, shirts, pants, so she'll have no clothes to wear.' i didn't know women wore drawls.
he then asked, 'what would you do if you were me?'
'well, i would maybe find out WHY she took your money? maybe she's got a lot of issues going on?'
'yeah she has issues.'
'or maybe she needed it for an emergency but had every intention of giving it back.'
'she should give it back double right?'
'i dunno.'
i've never been in this situation.
it was compelling to hear him say, "i see a lot of little me's on the streets and try to warn them. before i did time, i heard a lot of people telling me to live a certain way and it was like it went in one ear and out the other. once i was put in jail i had more time to think and thought, 'WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO THEM?!'"
the other interesting thing he said was that the 'little me's' have no idea how bad the drug dealing life is. maybe you can make $100 a night. but, what can that provide? it can't support a child. (i guess he's assuming that many people father many children? and feel responsible to provide for their kids?) 'if you by a pair of pampers and some formula, that's already a lot of money'.
lotsa dark forces and spiritual battle around in these broken 'hoods.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
-patient walked out on me for the first time today. he got too tired of waiting. sorry dude! a lot of people wait a long time in the waiting room and then leave. but we actually already started taking his xrays. i had to check on another patient. then the next thing i knew he was gone. oops.
this is a big difference with medical assistance and ...lessay a private clinic in an affluent suburb. i don't really remember waiting a long time at the dentist. except that one dentist in ann arbor. granted, i never had any complications or major work done. but i feel really bad for all the patients here who are sitting in the waiting room for a really long time. sometimes they come early. so it can be up to 2 hours. for the most part, i've been impressed because a lot of people don't seem to mind. they spend a LOT of time waiting. my coworkers tell me that they are used to it. maybe they don't mind because they know that they are essentially receiving free care (on behalf of the government). to some people, maybe it beats having a day job. ok. so here is some jaded residue coming out and being expressed here.
the other day, S came in for a filling. and she came in really early. so during lunch she asked monin if she was gonna be seen any time soon. monin explained that it would be a few minutes because "the doctor's at lunch right now".
she responded with one eyebrow raised, "lunch?!"
monin got defensive because she's been working her whole life and knows that it's important to have breaks and lunch during a long workday. she assumed that the patient probably does not work and therefore does not know what it means to earn a living. as opposed to living off welfare. granted, S has a lot of children. and that's a job in it of itself. but. i find that a lot of my coworkers take a lot of pride in the fact that they work really really really hard. they are from the same community here in kensington. and they've managed to overcome the obstacles and barriers that poverty throws at them.
anyway, there's a lot more going on here.
but yeah. i eat lunch. and it's, largely, for the sake of the patients. because i don't think they would want me to pass out on them.
there's a part of health care provider culture that says, "i'm important. it's okay if i sometimes 'forget' to eat lunch, because i'm busy serving others."
i've probably gotten rid of that mentality 97.5%.
it's rare that i get my full 60 minute lunch.
most of the time i'm stuffing my face in 5-10 minutes.
here's another aspect of the balancing game.
-this afternoon, went to south philly to play catch with lil'sister. it makes me happy to see lots of kids playing outside and gives me hope that this entire generation is not indoors all the time playing video games. the younger kids were linguistically segregated. but the older kids were mixed on the bball court. lil'sister throws the football like a guy but catches like a girl. stereotypically speaking. she laughed when i told her that. i hope she will laugh more.
-went to see the capucci exhibit at philadelphia museum of art yesterday. loved it. capucci is reputed to have saved italian fashion in the 50s. he made it to the top, so now he barely designs to sell. only designs dresses as art. which is probably every artist's dream - to create without boundaries, rather than being bounded by the consumer. anyway, i've been trying to milk my art museum membership since it's expiring end of march. sadly museums here (or anywhere?) are not designed for the commoner's budget.
this is a big difference with medical assistance and ...lessay a private clinic in an affluent suburb. i don't really remember waiting a long time at the dentist. except that one dentist in ann arbor. granted, i never had any complications or major work done. but i feel really bad for all the patients here who are sitting in the waiting room for a really long time. sometimes they come early. so it can be up to 2 hours. for the most part, i've been impressed because a lot of people don't seem to mind. they spend a LOT of time waiting. my coworkers tell me that they are used to it. maybe they don't mind because they know that they are essentially receiving free care (on behalf of the government). to some people, maybe it beats having a day job. ok. so here is some jaded residue coming out and being expressed here.
the other day, S came in for a filling. and she came in really early. so during lunch she asked monin if she was gonna be seen any time soon. monin explained that it would be a few minutes because "the doctor's at lunch right now".
she responded with one eyebrow raised, "lunch?!"
monin got defensive because she's been working her whole life and knows that it's important to have breaks and lunch during a long workday. she assumed that the patient probably does not work and therefore does not know what it means to earn a living. as opposed to living off welfare. granted, S has a lot of children. and that's a job in it of itself. but. i find that a lot of my coworkers take a lot of pride in the fact that they work really really really hard. they are from the same community here in kensington. and they've managed to overcome the obstacles and barriers that poverty throws at them.
anyway, there's a lot more going on here.
but yeah. i eat lunch. and it's, largely, for the sake of the patients. because i don't think they would want me to pass out on them.
there's a part of health care provider culture that says, "i'm important. it's okay if i sometimes 'forget' to eat lunch, because i'm busy serving others."
i've probably gotten rid of that mentality 97.5%.
it's rare that i get my full 60 minute lunch.
most of the time i'm stuffing my face in 5-10 minutes.
here's another aspect of the balancing game.
-this afternoon, went to south philly to play catch with lil'sister. it makes me happy to see lots of kids playing outside and gives me hope that this entire generation is not indoors all the time playing video games. the younger kids were linguistically segregated. but the older kids were mixed on the bball court. lil'sister throws the football like a guy but catches like a girl. stereotypically speaking. she laughed when i told her that. i hope she will laugh more.
-went to see the capucci exhibit at philadelphia museum of art yesterday. loved it. capucci is reputed to have saved italian fashion in the 50s. he made it to the top, so now he barely designs to sell. only designs dresses as art. which is probably every artist's dream - to create without boundaries, rather than being bounded by the consumer. anyway, i've been trying to milk my art museum membership since it's expiring end of march. sadly museums here (or anywhere?) are not designed for the commoner's budget.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
-8 mos pregnant patient came today, she was wearing 3-inch heels. dunno how that's done. but i've seen it so it's true.
-last patient of the day was shot in the face and four other times, including the back, leaving the left leg paralyzed. story is that there was a fight going on in a bar and people started shooting. pt doesn't remember much. but is missing part of the jaw. the human body is very resilient.
-kids that smell like urine make me sad.
-kids that are really honest make me laugh.
-had a small booger on my face on my way to work this morning (should wake up earlier and actually check the mirror before leaving). thankfully R was on the train today and let me know before getting to the office. i suppose it wouldn't have been too apparent since i wear a mask most of the day.
-last patient of the day was shot in the face and four other times, including the back, leaving the left leg paralyzed. story is that there was a fight going on in a bar and people started shooting. pt doesn't remember much. but is missing part of the jaw. the human body is very resilient.
-kids that smell like urine make me sad.
-kids that are really honest make me laugh.
-had a small booger on my face on my way to work this morning (should wake up earlier and actually check the mirror before leaving). thankfully R was on the train today and let me know before getting to the office. i suppose it wouldn't have been too apparent since i wear a mask most of the day.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
on mondays i always ask patients, "did you have a good weekend?"
usually it's "yes" or "ehn" or "no".
if it's a "no" then i gotta sit down and listen for a while.
if it's a "ehn" it's usually because the weekend was boring.
if it's a "yes" then it could be a variety of responses.
anyway, one patient responded with "yes!"
so my follow-up question is, "did you do anything fun?"
and this dude replies, "i went dancing."
me: oh, where?
patient: at the club. [with a big grin on his face]
me: what kind of dance?
patient: bachata, salsa, everything.
me: ok. are you a good dancer?
patient: OF COURSE i'm a good dancer! i'm dominican!!!
i laughed awkwardly, as i so frequently do.
so, way to play up the stereotypes here.
i don't doubt that he'd be a good dancer... but
how is the dominican who doesn't think he is a good dancer going to feel? or how is the dominican who wants to be a good dancer, but everyone tells him that he really sucks at dancing going to feel?
kinda like the, "OF COURSE, I'M GOOD AT MATH!" statement. -___-
anyway, what are some things that i would say that would preface "i'm taiwanese!"?
-of course i have a big butt! (i dunno why that was the first thing that came to mind.)
-of course i can make cute and funny facial expressions!
-of course i speak chinese!
-of course my parents are really smart... but kinda neurotic!
-of course i love bubble tea!
--
pray for japan!
usually it's "yes" or "ehn" or "no".
if it's a "no" then i gotta sit down and listen for a while.
if it's a "ehn" it's usually because the weekend was boring.
if it's a "yes" then it could be a variety of responses.
anyway, one patient responded with "yes!"
so my follow-up question is, "did you do anything fun?"
and this dude replies, "i went dancing."
me: oh, where?
patient: at the club. [with a big grin on his face]
me: what kind of dance?
patient: bachata, salsa, everything.
me: ok. are you a good dancer?
patient: OF COURSE i'm a good dancer! i'm dominican!!!
i laughed awkwardly, as i so frequently do.
so, way to play up the stereotypes here.
i don't doubt that he'd be a good dancer... but
how is the dominican who doesn't think he is a good dancer going to feel? or how is the dominican who wants to be a good dancer, but everyone tells him that he really sucks at dancing going to feel?
kinda like the, "OF COURSE, I'M GOOD AT MATH!" statement. -___-
anyway, what are some things that i would say that would preface "i'm taiwanese!"?
-of course i have a big butt! (i dunno why that was the first thing that came to mind.)
-of course i can make cute and funny facial expressions!
-of course i speak chinese!
-of course my parents are really smart... but kinda neurotic!
-of course i love bubble tea!
--
pray for japan!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
-broke down late morning and cancelled the afternoon, which hasn't happened since kindergarten.
-only to stay at work for 3 more hours trying to catch up on other work, then finally went home to rest.
-the ironic thing is that normally i feel crappy in the mornings because i'm not a morning person. it takes about 2 hours for me to wake up. today, i felt great! hardly ever happens.
-i'm not that emotional. i ugly cry maybe once a year. i think i could have today but i refrained because it's only the beginning of march.
-big contrast from yesterday's post.
-only to stay at work for 3 more hours trying to catch up on other work, then finally went home to rest.
-the ironic thing is that normally i feel crappy in the mornings because i'm not a morning person. it takes about 2 hours for me to wake up. today, i felt great! hardly ever happens.
-i'm not that emotional. i ugly cry maybe once a year. i think i could have today but i refrained because it's only the beginning of march.
-big contrast from yesterday's post.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
had such a diverse day today!
dentures, root canal, extractions, fillings, exams, some complicated people, some fun kids, a muslim woman wearing the full burka (she removed the cloth covering the bottom of her face so that i could check her poorly managed teeth and gums), drug rehab center dude, australian man doing ministry in philly, aspiring fashion designer/lady gaga super fan...
and it was pretty enjoyable even though all of us were a little snippy with one another. hehe.
i'm getting used to the latin sass!
the hardest is at the end of the day when it is time to go home and then someone comes and it's a stretch to stay late, but then she bursts into tears and asks if i can pleaaaase help her.
all these things (cumulatively) kinda take a physical toll. but as a professional, i'm probably not 'allowed' to 'lose it' or 'break down', at least not in front of a patient, even though there is a part of me that kind of wants to, or at least scream. maybe i should take up some hobbies like going to a batting cage, or the driving range, or chopping wood. i dunno. anyway, there's that heat of the moment. and then. when i zoom out. things really aren't that bad. and not really worth freaking out.
everyone talks about BALANCE. i've been choosing not to be one of those health professionals that "forgot" to eat lunch/go to the bathroom. it's kinda hard. but at the same time, i didn't come here to take it easy.
dentures, root canal, extractions, fillings, exams, some complicated people, some fun kids, a muslim woman wearing the full burka (she removed the cloth covering the bottom of her face so that i could check her poorly managed teeth and gums), drug rehab center dude, australian man doing ministry in philly, aspiring fashion designer/lady gaga super fan...
and it was pretty enjoyable even though all of us were a little snippy with one another. hehe.
i'm getting used to the latin sass!
the hardest is at the end of the day when it is time to go home and then someone comes and it's a stretch to stay late, but then she bursts into tears and asks if i can pleaaaase help her.
all these things (cumulatively) kinda take a physical toll. but as a professional, i'm probably not 'allowed' to 'lose it' or 'break down', at least not in front of a patient, even though there is a part of me that kind of wants to, or at least scream. maybe i should take up some hobbies like going to a batting cage, or the driving range, or chopping wood. i dunno. anyway, there's that heat of the moment. and then. when i zoom out. things really aren't that bad. and not really worth freaking out.
everyone talks about BALANCE. i've been choosing not to be one of those health professionals that "forgot" to eat lunch/go to the bathroom. it's kinda hard. but at the same time, i didn't come here to take it easy.
Monday, February 28, 2011
i have a high tolerance for awkwardness - i'm a dentist! my career involves me sticking my hands in people's mouths. often with their head practically on my lap. (the little kids' heads are actually on my lap. but that's more cute than awkward.)
i'm selectively affectionate. and may not like hugs from certain people. but i'll probably get over it quickly.
hmm. i must have issues. haha.
patient today:
"this is weird. i don't even let my girlfriend touch me in places like that." (in reference to me removing his molar.)
dude. WTF?!
moving on to happier things. i love teaching the kids math! and i'm on this kick of teaching 2nd and 3rd graders the nine-times-table with the fingers' trick. i'm sad that the concept of "times by", "pluses", "minuses", and "divide by" is not really grasped/taught? though. because these kids kinda think arithmetic is sorta magic. like, rote memory. but maybe they don't really get that if they want to buy three toys for $2 each that it's gonna be $6.
anyway, to distract Z from the fact that we were gonna remove her infected tooth, i started quizzing her arithmetic. i wanted to let her know that anything times zero is zero. then she asked me 3 divided by zero. and i had to pause for a moment.
[umm... doesn't make sense.]
and quickly changed the subject to 'anything times 1 is anything'.
sadly i revisited this question and doubtfully think that anything divided by zero does not exist. thanks to google, i confirmed that the answer is undefined/infinity.
phew!
i'm selectively affectionate. and may not like hugs from certain people. but i'll probably get over it quickly.
hmm. i must have issues. haha.
patient today:
"this is weird. i don't even let my girlfriend touch me in places like that." (in reference to me removing his molar.)
dude. WTF?!
moving on to happier things. i love teaching the kids math! and i'm on this kick of teaching 2nd and 3rd graders the nine-times-table with the fingers' trick. i'm sad that the concept of "times by", "pluses", "minuses", and "divide by" is not really grasped/taught? though. because these kids kinda think arithmetic is sorta magic. like, rote memory. but maybe they don't really get that if they want to buy three toys for $2 each that it's gonna be $6.
anyway, to distract Z from the fact that we were gonna remove her infected tooth, i started quizzing her arithmetic. i wanted to let her know that anything times zero is zero. then she asked me 3 divided by zero. and i had to pause for a moment.
[umm... doesn't make sense.]
and quickly changed the subject to 'anything times 1 is anything'.
sadly i revisited this question and doubtfully think that anything divided by zero does not exist. thanks to google, i confirmed that the answer is undefined/infinity.
phew!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
-inundated with work this month! which is good to push me. but tiring and refining.
-when it's crazy hectic during the day, it's a tougher fight to stay focused on eternal things. and then at the same time, easier because i'm aware of the fight and trying to be more intentional in offering to pray for patients and praying for myself (help me get through the day, God... oh yeah, You exist. ah, peace.)
-once i get used to this, there is gonna be another major change (adding another dentist to the team). always changes to keep me on my tired toes.
-if i marry rich, i'd work for free.
-because my passive-aggressive tendencies have been surfacing, and it's very humbling/humiliating, i forced myself to write cards and make snack packages for dental team members. sadly, it was kind of a challenge to think of three things that i appreciate about each person. it was much easier to draw cartoons of them. affirming and encouraging words used to roll off my tongue so fluidly. i'm out of practice.
-patient's teenage son was sitting in the corner waiting for him mom to get her work completed. he pulled out a brush from his pocket and started combing his beard. i make fun of everyone and definitely called him out on it. "whattya doin'?!!!" his mom called him out too. "you're ridiculous!" anyway, after they left, i was at the computer in the corner and noticed a hairball on the floor. dammit, it was his beard hair. i started whimpering. calvin graciously picked it up w/ his gloves and threw it away. "if my wife saw that she'd freak out too." thanks, stacy!
-my coworkers like to make fun of their peoples and when they do their exaggerated spanish accents they always pronounce "you" like, "jew". today i heard chris's little patient in the hallway:
kid: you're my friend.
chris: how do you say friend?
kid: amigo!
chris: okay, we'll see you next time.
kid: thank jew!
so cute!
i dunno if i'm allowed to do fob spanish accents yet.
-chicago after work tomorrow!
-when it's crazy hectic during the day, it's a tougher fight to stay focused on eternal things. and then at the same time, easier because i'm aware of the fight and trying to be more intentional in offering to pray for patients and praying for myself (help me get through the day, God... oh yeah, You exist. ah, peace.)
-once i get used to this, there is gonna be another major change (adding another dentist to the team). always changes to keep me on my tired toes.
-if i marry rich, i'd work for free.
-because my passive-aggressive tendencies have been surfacing, and it's very humbling/humiliating, i forced myself to write cards and make snack packages for dental team members. sadly, it was kind of a challenge to think of three things that i appreciate about each person. it was much easier to draw cartoons of them. affirming and encouraging words used to roll off my tongue so fluidly. i'm out of practice.
-patient's teenage son was sitting in the corner waiting for him mom to get her work completed. he pulled out a brush from his pocket and started combing his beard. i make fun of everyone and definitely called him out on it. "whattya doin'?!!!" his mom called him out too. "you're ridiculous!" anyway, after they left, i was at the computer in the corner and noticed a hairball on the floor. dammit, it was his beard hair. i started whimpering. calvin graciously picked it up w/ his gloves and threw it away. "if my wife saw that she'd freak out too." thanks, stacy!
-my coworkers like to make fun of their peoples and when they do their exaggerated spanish accents they always pronounce "you" like, "jew". today i heard chris's little patient in the hallway:
kid: you're my friend.
chris: how do you say friend?
kid: amigo!
chris: okay, we'll see you next time.
kid: thank jew!
so cute!
i dunno if i'm allowed to do fob spanish accents yet.
-chicago after work tomorrow!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
overheard Z asking ada, "am i also going to see the other lady that i saw last time? she looks kinda chinese."
somehow that is 100% less offensive than "where's the chinese girl?"
partially because Z is only 7 years old.
but the "kinda" and "looks" ironically makes it more of an objective statement.
actually, i DO kinda look chinese.
somehow that is 100% less offensive than "where's the chinese girl?"
partially because Z is only 7 years old.
but the "kinda" and "looks" ironically makes it more of an objective statement.
actually, i DO kinda look chinese.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
hodgy podgy
-everyone should hold a baby at least once a day. very therapeutic! maria brought daniel in to visit. what a happy baby! he's got crazy bursts of energy though. it was nice to return him back to mom after playing with him for a few minutes. ha. i thought my arms were gonna fall off.
-i enjoy seeing diverse people of all ages. one of the best things about this job is the access to interact with hundreds/thousands of people over years to come.
-3 yr old F was quite spastic. calvin commented that if he were a kid in the suburbs, he'd already be on ritalin. even though he wasn't a well-behaved patient, he did something super cute, which was jumped out of the dental chair, climbed onto the stool in front of the computer and got into a typing position. i want to laugh at these things out loud, but it's probably not good for disciplining him.
-nice talking to coworkers to debrief over the day, even though it meant staying at the office longer. all the older women are so caring and nurturing.
-today was not the day to have a staff meeting and discuss how we can increase my patient load. i saw 19 patients yesterday. and was pooped this morning.
-God's grace evident in all my work. couldn't get T numb, but way more anesthetic than i usually use helped keep her bleeding under control. i need ears to listen.
-saw E again, and was totally fine making friendly convo. he told me about why he spent a few years in jail. he was selling drugs and made a deal for 37 thousand dollars to an undercover cop. oops! now he's in this group home and cooking breakfast for 15 men every morning at 5 a.m. way to become productive and serving others!
-J came in and exclaimed, "hey! i saw you in the street the other day. you were walking really fast!"
haha. i walk fast so i won't get shot/jumped/mugged. just kidding. i'm always running late.
it's nice to know that some of the dudes who are loitering the streets are my patients. i'm safe in kensington!
anyway, i told him to say hi to me next time he saw me. dunno if i'm going to regret that or not.
-apparently J, who is writing a song for me, is also writing a song for Diane, his nurse practitioner. it's ok. i'm not the jealous type. esp since Ty told me that he ran his fingers through her hair in the elevator the other day. umm... creepy!
-F brought her nephew in with her. i guess she was watching him. he kept talking and talking and then would get upset that Titi would snap at him and cut him off for being disruptive to our conversations. "you never let me talk!" he whined. i felt bad and my initial instinct was, "no worries! i'm listening to you!" but right after i said it, i wish i hadn't, coz i didn't want to interfere with Auntie's disciplining. after the procedure, i saw that he's just attention-starved and also a little spoiled/malcriado. he asked Titi for some gum. Titi didn't have any. he got a little angry and then told her, "i'm going to eh-spank you!" i looked at him and said, "hey!" [don't talk to adults like that]... and then quickly wish i hadn't said that either. because i don't think that was my place to reprimand him for being disrespectful. then Titi goes, "Tio's going to eh-spanking you at home!" that sets him off, he sits on the ground and starts wailing with large tears running down his face. he must be really scared of Tio's spanking. which, in people of colour culture, i'd be scared of getting beat too.
as if that weren't enough...
-S came and has two loose teeth in the front, but they're about to fall out because we can see the adult teeth ready to come in on the xray. apparently S had been complaining to her mom about the pain the last 3 weeks. mom, fed up, finally brought her in. S was hella scared and told me that her teeth suddenly didn't hurt anymore. mom wanted to have the teeth removed, which i offered to do. then S had a "no quiero!" fit. i left them alone for 10 minutes. S obviously owned her mom. i was maybe more indifferent than i should have been. sometimes i want to slap some kids. but these aren't my kids.
-16 year old M brought her baby in today. she's soooo cute and this 10 month old was dressed in a puffy black winter jacket with hot pink "baby girl" in graffiti font printed all over it. JEANS. and black and hot pink sneakers with silver glitter.
very different culture from my culture.
-i enjoy seeing diverse people of all ages. one of the best things about this job is the access to interact with hundreds/thousands of people over years to come.
-3 yr old F was quite spastic. calvin commented that if he were a kid in the suburbs, he'd already be on ritalin. even though he wasn't a well-behaved patient, he did something super cute, which was jumped out of the dental chair, climbed onto the stool in front of the computer and got into a typing position. i want to laugh at these things out loud, but it's probably not good for disciplining him.
-nice talking to coworkers to debrief over the day, even though it meant staying at the office longer. all the older women are so caring and nurturing.
-today was not the day to have a staff meeting and discuss how we can increase my patient load. i saw 19 patients yesterday. and was pooped this morning.
-God's grace evident in all my work. couldn't get T numb, but way more anesthetic than i usually use helped keep her bleeding under control. i need ears to listen.
-saw E again, and was totally fine making friendly convo. he told me about why he spent a few years in jail. he was selling drugs and made a deal for 37 thousand dollars to an undercover cop. oops! now he's in this group home and cooking breakfast for 15 men every morning at 5 a.m. way to become productive and serving others!
-J came in and exclaimed, "hey! i saw you in the street the other day. you were walking really fast!"
haha. i walk fast so i won't get shot/jumped/mugged. just kidding. i'm always running late.
it's nice to know that some of the dudes who are loitering the streets are my patients. i'm safe in kensington!
anyway, i told him to say hi to me next time he saw me. dunno if i'm going to regret that or not.
-apparently J, who is writing a song for me, is also writing a song for Diane, his nurse practitioner. it's ok. i'm not the jealous type. esp since Ty told me that he ran his fingers through her hair in the elevator the other day. umm... creepy!
-F brought her nephew in with her. i guess she was watching him. he kept talking and talking and then would get upset that Titi would snap at him and cut him off for being disruptive to our conversations. "you never let me talk!" he whined. i felt bad and my initial instinct was, "no worries! i'm listening to you!" but right after i said it, i wish i hadn't, coz i didn't want to interfere with Auntie's disciplining. after the procedure, i saw that he's just attention-starved and also a little spoiled/malcriado. he asked Titi for some gum. Titi didn't have any. he got a little angry and then told her, "i'm going to eh-spank you!" i looked at him and said, "hey!" [don't talk to adults like that]... and then quickly wish i hadn't said that either. because i don't think that was my place to reprimand him for being disrespectful. then Titi goes, "Tio's going to eh-spanking you at home!" that sets him off, he sits on the ground and starts wailing with large tears running down his face. he must be really scared of Tio's spanking. which, in people of colour culture, i'd be scared of getting beat too.
as if that weren't enough...
-S came and has two loose teeth in the front, but they're about to fall out because we can see the adult teeth ready to come in on the xray. apparently S had been complaining to her mom about the pain the last 3 weeks. mom, fed up, finally brought her in. S was hella scared and told me that her teeth suddenly didn't hurt anymore. mom wanted to have the teeth removed, which i offered to do. then S had a "no quiero!" fit. i left them alone for 10 minutes. S obviously owned her mom. i was maybe more indifferent than i should have been. sometimes i want to slap some kids. but these aren't my kids.
-16 year old M brought her baby in today. she's soooo cute and this 10 month old was dressed in a puffy black winter jacket with hot pink "baby girl" in graffiti font printed all over it. JEANS. and black and hot pink sneakers with silver glitter.
very different culture from my culture.
Monday, February 7, 2011
-lots of communication issues today. i might as well have been speaking taiwanese.
me: "do you have any eye problems?"
g: "no."
me: "why are you wearing these special sunglasses?"
g: "oh. i just got cataract surgery in this eye. and next week i will have cataract surgery in that eye."
me: "so, you have eye problems?"
g: "no."
----
a: "i have pain in this molar that's broken here."
me: "we're going to have to remove the tooth."
a: "are you going to extract the tooth?!"
me: "yes, we have to extract the tooth."
a: "don't remove my tooth! but can you extract my molar?"
me: "der?"
a: "[in MY world] teeth are up here in the front. molars are back here."
me: (speaking in code) "ok, we won't remove your 'tooth', we will only extract your 'molar'."
----
el sigh.
me: "do you have any eye problems?"
g: "no."
me: "why are you wearing these special sunglasses?"
g: "oh. i just got cataract surgery in this eye. and next week i will have cataract surgery in that eye."
me: "so, you have eye problems?"
g: "no."
----
a: "i have pain in this molar that's broken here."
me: "we're going to have to remove the tooth."
a: "are you going to extract the tooth?!"
me: "yes, we have to extract the tooth."
a: "don't remove my tooth! but can you extract my molar?"
me: "der?"
a: "[in MY world] teeth are up here in the front. molars are back here."
me: (speaking in code) "ok, we won't remove your 'tooth', we will only extract your 'molar'."
----
el sigh.
Friday, February 4, 2011
friday:
-H came back and didn't mention that he did heroin this time. so hopefully he's not doing it anymore. he did mention that he got a tooth out in prison last year. and he's probably the most expensively-dressed patient i've seen so far. which leads me to believe that he has some ways to make quick cash. that he's maybe pretty high up there in the pyramid.
-D's wife tickled my stomach as she was on her way to the door. i laughed like the pillsbury doughboy coz i didn't know what else to do, but then my face probably looked really confused. because i was really confused. "did she just do that?" isn't that weird to do that to your dentist?
sunday:
-there was a 2 year old at church who sneaked up behind me. i dunno what came over me, but he was so cute and i just grabbed his tummy. and then had a flashback of friday. and wondered if D and his wife think of me as a 2-year old? like they have the license to grab my cheeks and legs and tummy and pet me like a puppy?
-H came back and didn't mention that he did heroin this time. so hopefully he's not doing it anymore. he did mention that he got a tooth out in prison last year. and he's probably the most expensively-dressed patient i've seen so far. which leads me to believe that he has some ways to make quick cash. that he's maybe pretty high up there in the pyramid.
-D's wife tickled my stomach as she was on her way to the door. i laughed like the pillsbury doughboy coz i didn't know what else to do, but then my face probably looked really confused. because i was really confused. "did she just do that?" isn't that weird to do that to your dentist?
sunday:
-there was a 2 year old at church who sneaked up behind me. i dunno what came over me, but he was so cute and i just grabbed his tummy. and then had a flashback of friday. and wondered if D and his wife think of me as a 2-year old? like they have the license to grab my cheeks and legs and tummy and pet me like a puppy?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
-just learned that it's pretty much impossible for young men to receive medicaid unless they have a child with whom they are living. this contributes to the perpetuating cycles of young men in poverty who end up in prison, gangs, the street, drugs. maybe some feel like the only option is the military. but C brought up a good point that some could see it as 'we'll corner the lower class men and offer this as their only option, send them to the front lines to die on our behalf.' which isn't a good message.
-also learned that pennsylvania is one of 7 remaining states to offer comprehensive dental care to those with medicaid. i guess i came to right place for public health. but this could easily change within a year as budgets continue to be slashed all over the place.
-temporary are we.
-also learned that pennsylvania is one of 7 remaining states to offer comprehensive dental care to those with medicaid. i guess i came to right place for public health. but this could easily change within a year as budgets continue to be slashed all over the place.
-temporary are we.
-got flicked off by an angry philly driver today. my first time! he honked at me like crazy because i think i was blocking him from passing me as two lanes were merging into one.
normally these things stress me out, but i strangely didn't have any sense of disturbance whatsoever. it's like my car became a sanctuary of serenity, even though i think i was listening to a lady gaga song on the radio in that moment.
i tried to feel some empathy, or some kind of regret, or feel bad for blocking him? but it wasn't working. it wasn't my fault he was in my blind spot. (we learned in driver's ed to avoid positioning ourselves in others' blind spots.)
-went to felicita's viewing after work with some coworkers to support our coworkers. felicita sounds like an amazing woman. open casket, still looked really good at 91. bore 10 children, lost 5 children. has 16 grandchildren. 46 great-grandchildren. and 5 great great-grandchildren. she endured an abusive husband. sons and grandsons in prison. lots of other hardships. but she was a faithful deaconess in her church and often visited those in need at hospitals, prisons, shelters. i didn't stay for the service coz i don't do well at these types of things. but, i'm glad i got to stop by and be a part of it.
-latinos are kinda at the other end of the spectrum as east asians (blanket statement coming here...) in terms of emotional management. where i was probably conditioned to not address emotions or at least contain them and keep them very controlled. meanwhile as i'm learning about latino/hispanic culture, there seems to be tendency to thirst and yearn for emotion, and then once it is grasped to swim and splash in it, and grow it until who knows when. ok, maybe it's more a hua-ren/japanese thing, than an east asian thing. haha.
-J came in again, and he looooves coming to our clinic. he says he's writing a song about me and he's going to translate in into spanish. he stayed up until 5:30 a.m. working on it, as a true musician. i guess it's borderline creepy. but he's over 60, so maybe that makes it not as discomforting.
-ate too much chocolate today.
normally these things stress me out, but i strangely didn't have any sense of disturbance whatsoever. it's like my car became a sanctuary of serenity, even though i think i was listening to a lady gaga song on the radio in that moment.
i tried to feel some empathy, or some kind of regret, or feel bad for blocking him? but it wasn't working. it wasn't my fault he was in my blind spot. (we learned in driver's ed to avoid positioning ourselves in others' blind spots.)
-went to felicita's viewing after work with some coworkers to support our coworkers. felicita sounds like an amazing woman. open casket, still looked really good at 91. bore 10 children, lost 5 children. has 16 grandchildren. 46 great-grandchildren. and 5 great great-grandchildren. she endured an abusive husband. sons and grandsons in prison. lots of other hardships. but she was a faithful deaconess in her church and often visited those in need at hospitals, prisons, shelters. i didn't stay for the service coz i don't do well at these types of things. but, i'm glad i got to stop by and be a part of it.
-latinos are kinda at the other end of the spectrum as east asians (blanket statement coming here...) in terms of emotional management. where i was probably conditioned to not address emotions or at least contain them and keep them very controlled. meanwhile as i'm learning about latino/hispanic culture, there seems to be tendency to thirst and yearn for emotion, and then once it is grasped to swim and splash in it, and grow it until who knows when. ok, maybe it's more a hua-ren/japanese thing, than an east asian thing. haha.
-J came in again, and he looooves coming to our clinic. he says he's writing a song about me and he's going to translate in into spanish. he stayed up until 5:30 a.m. working on it, as a true musician. i guess it's borderline creepy. but he's over 60, so maybe that makes it not as discomforting.
-ate too much chocolate today.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
-patient came with toothache. his lady friend or sister came into the room "for moral support". i told her she was totally welcome to sit in while we extract his tooth, unless she is going to feel uneasy. no need for unnecessary queasiness. then she asks if she can film the procedure. i told her it's okay if the patient consents. the patient was like, "no way!", but she busted out the camera anyway. which makes me suspect that she was his sister, instead of his lover. ? i dunno. anyway, i didn't think she would actually do it. and now i'm a little worried she might post it on youtube or something. mainly because i'm not sure if she captured my face at all. and also that my name is embroidered on my jacket. -__-
he was pretty funny. it helped calm his nerves since this was the first time he would have a tooth removed. the lady friend tried to help him, "let the doctor do her thing. she knows what she's doing!" then he chimes in, "yeah! they're all christians at this place!"
so to make convo, i ask, "oh. are you christians?"
patient points to friend and says, "she's a christian."
then i ask, "how about you?"
then he replies, "i'm christ-like."
i didn't have the chance to follow-up on this matter because i had to take his tooth out and he couldn't talk while i was doing that.
anyway, we got his tooth out. and he's biting on the gauze. and he goes, "look me up online! you can find my song on reverb nation. my name is king tut. i have a song called 'god is watching you'.
me: cool. do you sing? or mix?
patient: i rap.
me: nice
patient: i'm gonna rap for you right now!
me: please bite down on the gauze. i need you to bite down to stop the bleeding.
patient: [raps an excerpt from 'god's watching'] you should just download my song. it's only 99 cents! i gave you business today. now you can give me business.
me: umm. ok?!
patient: that's king tut "k n g t u t"!
me: great. thank you so much.
so at the end of the day, i'm looking up the song. he's got all these pictures of himself on his reverb nation space. calvin sees it and exclaims, "that's the jacket he was wearing today!" haha. he was also wearing the same watch. hahaha.
umm... so the track he promised is def on there and it's def 99cents. but i'm not sure i want to spend the dollar since all the other titles seem kinda trashy.
he was pretty funny. it helped calm his nerves since this was the first time he would have a tooth removed. the lady friend tried to help him, "let the doctor do her thing. she knows what she's doing!" then he chimes in, "yeah! they're all christians at this place!"
so to make convo, i ask, "oh. are you christians?"
patient points to friend and says, "she's a christian."
then i ask, "how about you?"
then he replies, "i'm christ-like."
i didn't have the chance to follow-up on this matter because i had to take his tooth out and he couldn't talk while i was doing that.
anyway, we got his tooth out. and he's biting on the gauze. and he goes, "look me up online! you can find my song on reverb nation. my name is king tut. i have a song called 'god is watching you'.
me: cool. do you sing? or mix?
patient: i rap.
me: nice
patient: i'm gonna rap for you right now!
me: please bite down on the gauze. i need you to bite down to stop the bleeding.
patient: [raps an excerpt from 'god's watching'] you should just download my song. it's only 99 cents! i gave you business today. now you can give me business.
me: umm. ok?!
patient: that's king tut "k n g t u t"!
me: great. thank you so much.
so at the end of the day, i'm looking up the song. he's got all these pictures of himself on his reverb nation space. calvin sees it and exclaims, "that's the jacket he was wearing today!" haha. he was also wearing the same watch. hahaha.
umm... so the track he promised is def on there and it's def 99cents. but i'm not sure i want to spend the dollar since all the other titles seem kinda trashy.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
conversation reel of the day:
-i walk into the room where M is sitting. she brashly asks monin, "IS THAT THE DOCTOR OR IS THAT A STUDENT?!"
somebody got out the wrong side of the bed!
i'm not a morning person at all.
i wanted to let her know that all professionals are committed to being students for life. we must always be learning and growing and improving our skills. whether we care about it. or whether we just need to take continuing ed classes to maintain our license to practice.
but by grace, i respond, as sweetly as i can, "i'm the doctor! i saw you last year! how can i help you today?!"
M tells me the tragic story of how she was flossing and her tooth chipped. then she blurted some expletives.
once we get past all that. i ask her about her family. she's got 2 boys. ages 5 and 7. the older one has adhd. she thinks she has adhd as well. and is therefore concerned that the younger one has adhd. when the younger one was 8 months, the older one threw him down the stairs.
she's raising them by herself.
it's a lot to handle.
i think she's younger than me.
-monin's fav comment about many patients is, "i don't think he's all there."
today she def said it about J.
J: i want to quit smoking. God bless me.
me: great.
J: i make pizzas for a living. and i also fixed my denture with krazy glue. i'm a jack of all trades. God bless me.
me: okay.
monin: what is your date of birth?
J: i don't like to say it out loud because i'm 50 years old! my birthday is aug 28, NINETEEN SIXTY.
me: heh.
J: why are you laughing?!!!
me: der?
J: i don't like to tell people my age because i'm 50 and my girlfriend is 33!
me: ok.
J: God bless me.
me: Dios te bendiga!
later on, i'm recounting this to taina. and taina's like "oooh, i think that's the patient who gave me the love dove inn business card. eeeeew!!!!! she pulls out this business card from her pocket and it's a mini flyer and on it there's a picture of a heart shaped bed with 80s decor, and then another picture of a jacuzzi labelled 'love pool'. eeeeeeeeeew.
then monin says, "yep. he's really not all there."
speaking of not all there, taina has to recount to the team the episode with F, who has a hard time letting go of her. he once gave her a really long hug. too long, man. please get your hands off my assistant! anyway, one day he was walking out, taina was at the computer eating an apple. F said bye to her and stroked her hair as he walked out. she was totally caught off guard. i saw the whole thing, and my only reaction was, "ah-ha!" (nelson from the simpson's voice) as i stood there pointing in shock.
anyway, F, is one of those love-hate patients. it's almost like he enjoys instigating and pushing people's buttons. but he really friendly. a little too friendly. so it's not like we can really hate him or shun him away. he's kind of a sensitive abuelo. today i just found out about an episode where he was at the front desk and kind of telling monin that she needs to find a man in order to be complete. and kinda proselytizing his views on how marriage is better, and doesn't understand why his dentist (me) is siempre soltera. i don't know if he's ever said this to my face before because F talks really, really fast with a dominican accent. and i don't understand 90% of what he says. i just nod and smile. anyway, apparently his comments went overboard for monin and she kinda went off on him. don't mess with puerto rican women. yeah, i guess it was pretty inappropriate to be getting into people's bidness like that, especially in an open waiting room setting, where all the other patients are watching. i don't care if people express themselves in the chair where it's more private. but people really aren't supposed to talk about personal things in la sala de espera. F's story is interesting. he was studying to be a priest but then left. got married. has 4 daughters and some grandchildren. including his 15 yr old daughter's new baby. F's wife is also a patient and she always has a scowl on her face despite F's claims of marital bliss.
----------
just cut and pasted this from my gchat:
-----------------
-T missed a lot of appointments. but she actually showed up today. she really wants new dentures. sadly, we have a rule that if patients miss too many appointments we won't do their dentures for them. she pleaded and pleaded with me. she told me she missed her appointments because her daughter had gastric bypass surgery and had to have 3 subsequent surgeries to correct some complications. of course i empathize that it's a stressful situation. but she's clearly trying to manipulate me. i told her i would ask admin if we can make an exception for her and will call with an update. she just kept repeating her story over and over. kinda like how people think that by talking in a louder voice, their listeners will understand, even if they don't understand the speaker's language. haha. 'do you speak english? DO. YOU. SPEAK. ENGLISH?'
there are a few things that would jade people in this situation.
1. my tax dollars going into medicaid that are prolly paying for her daughter's gastric bypass. gastric bypass as a result of obesity as a result of poor diet choices/poor lifestyle choices.
2. my tax dollars going into medicaid that would cover her dentures.
dentures as a result of premature tooth loss as a result of poor diet/poor hygiene.
3. there's no verbal commitment to behaviour change in terms of her agreeing to come to all her appointments or call 24 hrs in advance if she needs to cancel
4. she just doesn't get it that an appointment doesn't mean "maybe i'll come! if i feel like coming, that's great! if i don't come, i won't feel bad about standing you up." versus "thank you for giving me some time in your schedule to do this service?"
i'm not jaded yet.
but sometimes i think about it.
------------------
speaking of manipulation.
-M returned and asked for more percocet. i get the sense that she tries to suck up to me a lot. i don't doubt that she's in pain. but it's interesting how she's subtly requesting drugs, but overdoing the subtlety that it's totally not subtle.
--------------------
-after all the nonsense of the day i was glad to have a cute 11 yr old to wrap things up. while she was waiting for me, we could hear her talking to a friend on her cell phone. she sounded like an adult talking to her friend. and when i finally walked in the room she goes, "hey, i gotta call yall back. later. bye."
-i walk into the room where M is sitting. she brashly asks monin, "IS THAT THE DOCTOR OR IS THAT A STUDENT?!"
somebody got out the wrong side of the bed!
i'm not a morning person at all.
i wanted to let her know that all professionals are committed to being students for life. we must always be learning and growing and improving our skills. whether we care about it. or whether we just need to take continuing ed classes to maintain our license to practice.
but by grace, i respond, as sweetly as i can, "i'm the doctor! i saw you last year! how can i help you today?!"
M tells me the tragic story of how she was flossing and her tooth chipped. then she blurted some expletives.
once we get past all that. i ask her about her family. she's got 2 boys. ages 5 and 7. the older one has adhd. she thinks she has adhd as well. and is therefore concerned that the younger one has adhd. when the younger one was 8 months, the older one threw him down the stairs.
she's raising them by herself.
it's a lot to handle.
i think she's younger than me.
-monin's fav comment about many patients is, "i don't think he's all there."
today she def said it about J.
J: i want to quit smoking. God bless me.
me: great.
J: i make pizzas for a living. and i also fixed my denture with krazy glue. i'm a jack of all trades. God bless me.
me: okay.
monin: what is your date of birth?
J: i don't like to say it out loud because i'm 50 years old! my birthday is aug 28, NINETEEN SIXTY.
me: heh.
J: why are you laughing?!!!
me: der?
J: i don't like to tell people my age because i'm 50 and my girlfriend is 33!
me: ok.
J: God bless me.
me: Dios te bendiga!
later on, i'm recounting this to taina. and taina's like "oooh, i think that's the patient who gave me the love dove inn business card. eeeeew!!!!! she pulls out this business card from her pocket and it's a mini flyer and on it there's a picture of a heart shaped bed with 80s decor, and then another picture of a jacuzzi labelled 'love pool'. eeeeeeeeeew.
then monin says, "yep. he's really not all there."
speaking of not all there, taina has to recount to the team the episode with F, who has a hard time letting go of her. he once gave her a really long hug. too long, man. please get your hands off my assistant! anyway, one day he was walking out, taina was at the computer eating an apple. F said bye to her and stroked her hair as he walked out. she was totally caught off guard. i saw the whole thing, and my only reaction was, "ah-ha!" (nelson from the simpson's voice) as i stood there pointing in shock.
anyway, F, is one of those love-hate patients. it's almost like he enjoys instigating and pushing people's buttons. but he really friendly. a little too friendly. so it's not like we can really hate him or shun him away. he's kind of a sensitive abuelo. today i just found out about an episode where he was at the front desk and kind of telling monin that she needs to find a man in order to be complete. and kinda proselytizing his views on how marriage is better, and doesn't understand why his dentist (me) is siempre soltera. i don't know if he's ever said this to my face before because F talks really, really fast with a dominican accent. and i don't understand 90% of what he says. i just nod and smile. anyway, apparently his comments went overboard for monin and she kinda went off on him. don't mess with puerto rican women. yeah, i guess it was pretty inappropriate to be getting into people's bidness like that, especially in an open waiting room setting, where all the other patients are watching. i don't care if people express themselves in the chair where it's more private. but people really aren't supposed to talk about personal things in la sala de espera. F's story is interesting. he was studying to be a priest but then left. got married. has 4 daughters and some grandchildren. including his 15 yr old daughter's new baby. F's wife is also a patient and she always has a scowl on her face despite F's claims of marital bliss.
----------
just cut and pasted this from my gchat:
i have this patient who has a tattoo on his forehead
he's 50 years old
and he got the tattoo done while he was in prison
pretty badass
except that he's kind of a big baby
and he whimpers every time i have to give him an injection
today was like, "YOU GOT A TATTOO ON YOUR FOREHEAD! AND YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS TINY LITTLE SHOT?!!!"
and he was about to cry and responded, "the tattoo is nothing! it's on the bone! that doesn't hurt! you givin' me a shot on the inside. it's soft in there! it's like tattoos here [pointing to the inside of his bicep] tattoos on softer areas hurt more. waaahhhh"i gave him the shot
and he was like, "DID YOU GIVE IT TO ME ALREADY?!!! THAT'S AMAZING! YOU HAVE GOOD HANDS! I DIDN'T FEEL NO PAIN!"
i think he says that to me every time. what a drama queen.
today he went a little over the top though. after we finished, he passed the stickers and pointed to them. i was like, "do you want one?"
and then he nods.
so i'm like "which one?"
then he points to the nemo roll
and the sticker on the end of the roll is dory.
so i rip it off for him and he points to his shirt, "can you stick it on my jacket for me?"
seriously?
so i peel off dory and stick it on his jacket.
maybe he didn't have much of a childhood.
so he's compensating.
which might be a good explanation for why he went to prison. (the not having a childhood part.)
-T missed a lot of appointments. but she actually showed up today. she really wants new dentures. sadly, we have a rule that if patients miss too many appointments we won't do their dentures for them. she pleaded and pleaded with me. she told me she missed her appointments because her daughter had gastric bypass surgery and had to have 3 subsequent surgeries to correct some complications. of course i empathize that it's a stressful situation. but she's clearly trying to manipulate me. i told her i would ask admin if we can make an exception for her and will call with an update. she just kept repeating her story over and over. kinda like how people think that by talking in a louder voice, their listeners will understand, even if they don't understand the speaker's language. haha. 'do you speak english? DO. YOU. SPEAK. ENGLISH?'
there are a few things that would jade people in this situation.
1. my tax dollars going into medicaid that are prolly paying for her daughter's gastric bypass. gastric bypass as a result of obesity as a result of poor diet choices/poor lifestyle choices.
2. my tax dollars going into medicaid that would cover her dentures.
dentures as a result of premature tooth loss as a result of poor diet/poor hygiene.
3. there's no verbal commitment to behaviour change in terms of her agreeing to come to all her appointments or call 24 hrs in advance if she needs to cancel
4. she just doesn't get it that an appointment doesn't mean "maybe i'll come! if i feel like coming, that's great! if i don't come, i won't feel bad about standing you up." versus "thank you for giving me some time in your schedule to do this service?"
i'm not jaded yet.
but sometimes i think about it.
------------------
speaking of manipulation.
-M returned and asked for more percocet. i get the sense that she tries to suck up to me a lot. i don't doubt that she's in pain. but it's interesting how she's subtly requesting drugs, but overdoing the subtlety that it's totally not subtle.
--------------------
-after all the nonsense of the day i was glad to have a cute 11 yr old to wrap things up. while she was waiting for me, we could hear her talking to a friend on her cell phone. she sounded like an adult talking to her friend. and when i finally walked in the room she goes, "hey, i gotta call yall back. later. bye."
Monday, January 31, 2011
-this afternoon my thoughts were that i am not cut out for surgery. i already knew that. the feeling that my arm was gonna fall off this afternoon just confirmed it again. amusingly, i got a pamphlet in the mail today about penn's omfs department and program. ha.
-felicita passed away on friday night. m, j and t, have had to miss a lot of work during her 2 month time in hospice. ehc is somewhat of a family business. there are pros and cons. it's a blessing to support one another. but it puts a strain on everyone when we are short-staffed. anyway, my prayer is for peace in their family. felicita's legacy is that she lived a life of faith, prayer, praise and worship, in spite of a hundred novellas' worth of hardship. i asked t if she thinks that her grandmother was fighting for life because she was waiting for someone to see her or some reconciliation to happen. t responded with 'she wants to see all her grand-children saved.' perhaps the faith to believe that would happen was granted and she was able to finally go home.
this experience has led to a lot of reflection on family, bereavement, cultural expectations of caring for the elderly and duty. also thinking about emotional management in the context of daily life management.
and of course, whenever a grandparent passes away, i remember my own grandparents (biological and anyone else i called 'ahmah/ahgohng') and their passing, and how my parents responded, and how they expected me to respond, and how our expectations differed.
-i've sorta come to terms with why people can't stop calling me chinese, even though they say that they understand when i tell them i'm taiwanese. and that they relate because they are from islands like puerto rico, and the dominican republic. and they get upset when people call them mexican. so that last part is key. some people just can't stop calling them mexican. like how some people can't stop calling native americans indians. as if 'chinese', 'mexican' and 'indian' were races. or thinking that "africa" is a country. or asking indians if they speak "indian", rather than hindi. or that time when i was in preschool and someone asked me, "are you chinese or are you english?" and i went home and told my mom about my confusion because, as a 4 year old, it didn't make sense to me why someone would ask such an illogical question. (i guess in canada, there are a lot more british immigrants. but, i only had one childhood friend with a british mom.) kinda like how i was confused in kindergarten why my classmate would confess, "i didn't do nothing!" because it wasn't a good way to plead innocence, because if he didn't do nothing, then he must have done something.
i had to dig deep on this one.
-felicita passed away on friday night. m, j and t, have had to miss a lot of work during her 2 month time in hospice. ehc is somewhat of a family business. there are pros and cons. it's a blessing to support one another. but it puts a strain on everyone when we are short-staffed. anyway, my prayer is for peace in their family. felicita's legacy is that she lived a life of faith, prayer, praise and worship, in spite of a hundred novellas' worth of hardship. i asked t if she thinks that her grandmother was fighting for life because she was waiting for someone to see her or some reconciliation to happen. t responded with 'she wants to see all her grand-children saved.' perhaps the faith to believe that would happen was granted and she was able to finally go home.
this experience has led to a lot of reflection on family, bereavement, cultural expectations of caring for the elderly and duty. also thinking about emotional management in the context of daily life management.
and of course, whenever a grandparent passes away, i remember my own grandparents (biological and anyone else i called 'ahmah/ahgohng') and their passing, and how my parents responded, and how they expected me to respond, and how our expectations differed.
-i've sorta come to terms with why people can't stop calling me chinese, even though they say that they understand when i tell them i'm taiwanese. and that they relate because they are from islands like puerto rico, and the dominican republic. and they get upset when people call them mexican. so that last part is key. some people just can't stop calling them mexican. like how some people can't stop calling native americans indians. as if 'chinese', 'mexican' and 'indian' were races. or thinking that "africa" is a country. or asking indians if they speak "indian", rather than hindi. or that time when i was in preschool and someone asked me, "are you chinese or are you english?" and i went home and told my mom about my confusion because, as a 4 year old, it didn't make sense to me why someone would ask such an illogical question. (i guess in canada, there are a lot more british immigrants. but, i only had one childhood friend with a british mom.) kinda like how i was confused in kindergarten why my classmate would confess, "i didn't do nothing!" because it wasn't a good way to plead innocence, because if he didn't do nothing, then he must have done something.
i had to dig deep on this one.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
-what would i do without weekends?
-thankful for a snow day last thursday
-tom came to check out the clinic on friday. makes me wonder what it will be like to have 20 years of knowledge and learning from successes/mistakes. and also makes me thankful that i've been able to learn kingdom values at a young age. not that it's any grounds to be proud. but i'd rather live for christ now and not have to think about the woulda/shoulda/coulda later.
doesn't mean that living for christ entails all the external things. because God is trying to tell me that it's really about His dwelling in hearts. (went to two churches this morning. got in touch with my black side at epiphany. then got in touch with my white side at liberti. then realized that i need to let go of whatever residue of guilt i might feel with going to other churches, as if cheating on my church where i have membership, or something. and both messages, expressed very differently, were about Jesus being on the throne of our hearts.)
-patient S returned last week. she's the one who talked about how school was 'corny' and she goes to school 'with criminals'. i have a series of questions that i always ask, it's kind of robotic now. sometimes the patients forget what i ask them (if it's every 6 months). but more often than not, people expect me to remember everything that we talk about. which i understand, since i can remember my convos with my dentist. honestly, though, having 10-20 people to talk to... it's hard to keep track of it all in my aging adult brain. so i spewed out my usual, "did you get any homework today?" and she responds with, "i tooold you! i don't get any homework!!!" so i quickly fire, "did anything interesting happen at school today?"
s: "no. i toooold you, school is boring."
me: "but i thought you went to school with criminals!" (1 point for me, remembering what she had mentioned in previous convo)
s: "ooh. you mean THAT kind of interesting. it's no longer interesting to me if i see it every day."
good point there, s.
s: "one girl was getting jumped by a bunch of people. everyone ran upstairs to see what was going on. so i ran upstairs to see too."
a-ha! you must have been interested enough to run up and check out the hoopla.
s continues: "her face got messed up."
sad. but interesting, i suppose.
still not sure what is the best way to respond to these stories. so i just let S know that i'm glad she is staying out of trouble.
but she really needs to take better care of her teeth.
-O came by very anxious because he needs 2 teeth out (was assaulted by 3 coworkers at work a couple years ago, broke his two front teeth). i felt so bad because i was explaining the treatment plans and costs, and he started sweating.
-E came back after a long hiatus. her dad reports she's been crying in her bed because of tooth pain. her mom told him to take E to the dentist once he had some time off. it's been difficult because he's been plowing snow for the city for the last 72 hours, not much of a break and not much sleep. (the quality of philadelphia snow plowing does not compare to michigan. i never felt like i needed to carry a shovel in my car in michigan because plowing is neater and more efficient. more practice, i guess. but in philly, i'm considering getting one to store in the trunk. i dunno if the state of the roads are exacerbated by the fact that it's a little warmer here, so the snow does tend to be in the slush state longer. but i think i will need a new bumper sooner than later.) back to E. she came wearing her hello kitty jacket. monin made a comment about, "ooh! i like your hello kitty jacket." E looks at me and blurts, "remember you told me about hello kitty in china?!"
i don't think i told her about hello kitty in china. i probably mentioned that hello kitty has a boyfriend, named dear daniel. and that helly kitty has an empire in japan (hk airplane, hk land theme park, hk kitchen appliances, hk computers... etc).
i remember telling a little girl sometime last winter that i would bring her a stuffed hello kitty doll, that was sitting in my drawer in ann arbor. i couldn't remember who it was. so i asked if it was her. she said "yes", hesitatingly. and her dad confirmed it. which leads me to believe that it wasn't her. because there was definitely not a dad around during that first visit.
anyway, she needed to come back to get some fillings. and when people don't come back right away, things start to hurt. she was in so much pain. so i gave it to her anyway. it's kind of a limited edition hello kitty, only sold in hokkaido. i told E that. and her dad was super impressed that he took it from her.
so, dad's snow plowing friends are going to make fun of him for being a grown man with a hello kitty plush doll on his keychain.
-thankful for a snow day last thursday
-tom came to check out the clinic on friday. makes me wonder what it will be like to have 20 years of knowledge and learning from successes/mistakes. and also makes me thankful that i've been able to learn kingdom values at a young age. not that it's any grounds to be proud. but i'd rather live for christ now and not have to think about the woulda/shoulda/coulda later.
doesn't mean that living for christ entails all the external things. because God is trying to tell me that it's really about His dwelling in hearts. (went to two churches this morning. got in touch with my black side at epiphany. then got in touch with my white side at liberti. then realized that i need to let go of whatever residue of guilt i might feel with going to other churches, as if cheating on my church where i have membership, or something. and both messages, expressed very differently, were about Jesus being on the throne of our hearts.)
-patient S returned last week. she's the one who talked about how school was 'corny' and she goes to school 'with criminals'. i have a series of questions that i always ask, it's kind of robotic now. sometimes the patients forget what i ask them (if it's every 6 months). but more often than not, people expect me to remember everything that we talk about. which i understand, since i can remember my convos with my dentist. honestly, though, having 10-20 people to talk to... it's hard to keep track of it all in my aging adult brain. so i spewed out my usual, "did you get any homework today?" and she responds with, "i tooold you! i don't get any homework!!!" so i quickly fire, "did anything interesting happen at school today?"
s: "no. i toooold you, school is boring."
me: "but i thought you went to school with criminals!" (1 point for me, remembering what she had mentioned in previous convo)
s: "ooh. you mean THAT kind of interesting. it's no longer interesting to me if i see it every day."
good point there, s.
s: "one girl was getting jumped by a bunch of people. everyone ran upstairs to see what was going on. so i ran upstairs to see too."
a-ha! you must have been interested enough to run up and check out the hoopla.
s continues: "her face got messed up."
sad. but interesting, i suppose.
still not sure what is the best way to respond to these stories. so i just let S know that i'm glad she is staying out of trouble.
but she really needs to take better care of her teeth.
-O came by very anxious because he needs 2 teeth out (was assaulted by 3 coworkers at work a couple years ago, broke his two front teeth). i felt so bad because i was explaining the treatment plans and costs, and he started sweating.
-E came back after a long hiatus. her dad reports she's been crying in her bed because of tooth pain. her mom told him to take E to the dentist once he had some time off. it's been difficult because he's been plowing snow for the city for the last 72 hours, not much of a break and not much sleep. (the quality of philadelphia snow plowing does not compare to michigan. i never felt like i needed to carry a shovel in my car in michigan because plowing is neater and more efficient. more practice, i guess. but in philly, i'm considering getting one to store in the trunk. i dunno if the state of the roads are exacerbated by the fact that it's a little warmer here, so the snow does tend to be in the slush state longer. but i think i will need a new bumper sooner than later.) back to E. she came wearing her hello kitty jacket. monin made a comment about, "ooh! i like your hello kitty jacket." E looks at me and blurts, "remember you told me about hello kitty in china?!"
i don't think i told her about hello kitty in china. i probably mentioned that hello kitty has a boyfriend, named dear daniel. and that helly kitty has an empire in japan (hk airplane, hk land theme park, hk kitchen appliances, hk computers... etc).
i remember telling a little girl sometime last winter that i would bring her a stuffed hello kitty doll, that was sitting in my drawer in ann arbor. i couldn't remember who it was. so i asked if it was her. she said "yes", hesitatingly. and her dad confirmed it. which leads me to believe that it wasn't her. because there was definitely not a dad around during that first visit.
anyway, she needed to come back to get some fillings. and when people don't come back right away, things start to hurt. she was in so much pain. so i gave it to her anyway. it's kind of a limited edition hello kitty, only sold in hokkaido. i told E that. and her dad was super impressed that he took it from her.
so, dad's snow plowing friends are going to make fun of him for being a grown man with a hello kitty plush doll on his keychain.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
-i love it when kids speak like adults. it's so unexpected! even if it's like the adults who don't speak proper english.
-was talking to margaret at lunch. she's got a clinical supervisor and is trying to make the most of this mandatory mentoring relationship. one of her questions for her supervisor was "how to reconcile dual relationships? like in a counseling situation, where do we draw lines/how do we draw lines/is it necessary to draw lines when our friends become patients, or when our friends are patients of our colleagues?" the answer given was to the put the ball in the patients' court. ask them if they're comfortable seeing a friend. and if they are, then that's fine. if they're not, then they can see someone else, no hard/awkward feelings needed.
okay.
i've seen a lot of friends as patients. i've seen my mom. i've worked on a few coworkers. we're generally recommended not to do that due to possible conflicts of interest, or weird emotional things that can be going on.
i guess it depends on what kinds of procedures. and i do try to put the ball in the patients' court. but what about the times when i don't really feel comfortable even if they are completely trusting and comfortable?
in general i love seeing friends. coworkers feel a little different because whenever i see them at work i feel like they think that i'm judging their diets/hygiene habits/teeth. anyway. of course i'm judging! but not without judging myself too. i eat a lot of candy. and it's not like people's health habits change my affections (or in the extremely rare lack thereof) toward anyone.
-was talking to margaret at lunch. she's got a clinical supervisor and is trying to make the most of this mandatory mentoring relationship. one of her questions for her supervisor was "how to reconcile dual relationships? like in a counseling situation, where do we draw lines/how do we draw lines/is it necessary to draw lines when our friends become patients, or when our friends are patients of our colleagues?" the answer given was to the put the ball in the patients' court. ask them if they're comfortable seeing a friend. and if they are, then that's fine. if they're not, then they can see someone else, no hard/awkward feelings needed.
okay.
i've seen a lot of friends as patients. i've seen my mom. i've worked on a few coworkers. we're generally recommended not to do that due to possible conflicts of interest, or weird emotional things that can be going on.
i guess it depends on what kinds of procedures. and i do try to put the ball in the patients' court. but what about the times when i don't really feel comfortable even if they are completely trusting and comfortable?
in general i love seeing friends. coworkers feel a little different because whenever i see them at work i feel like they think that i'm judging their diets/hygiene habits/teeth. anyway. of course i'm judging! but not without judging myself too. i eat a lot of candy. and it's not like people's health habits change my affections (or in the extremely rare lack thereof) toward anyone.
so calvin just took this class on motivational interviewing and he's been on a motivational interviewing rampage with our patients.
motivational interviewing is a technique to probe patients' wants and desires, assess them, educate them about oral health, and basically get them to want (and thus be motivated to pursue) the appropriate treatment that they need. it's kind of a huge mountain to scale, with the majority of the population being afraid of dentists and all, and especially in this population where
1. people are afraid of the dentist
2. people have a different paradigm as to what is an appointment ("maybe i'll come if i don't have anything better to do! it's gonna be a surprise!" as opposed to, "oh, thank you for setting up an appointment time, which means that i will show up, and if i can't make it i will let you know ahead of time, otherwise i will feel ashamed.")
3. people might not think it's important to go to the dentist until something hurts, and then they finally come while they're already in excruciating pain, so of course it's not that pleasant of an experience, and then finally we're back at #1.
anyway, in dental school all of my classmates hated our motivational interviewing class. it was the bane of many's existence. in school i tried to lay low. i kept quiet. got my work done. didn't say anything within the radar. i've blocked a lot of memories out, but it kind of amuses me how much disdain there was for our behavioural science and treatment planning or communication-enhancing type classes. hahaha.
so it's been amusing (and helpful) seeing calvin so enthusiastic about asking patients why they came to the dentist and trying to empower them to take care of their oral health.
meanwhile, while we're working on patients, we are in constant dialogue. so we analyze this motivational interviewing thing. and he goes, "amy, you're good at asking people what's going on in their lives and listening to them."
i'm an affirmation monger. so that feels good. it's something i appreciate about working at esperanza, that i have time to get to know the patients and learn about their lives. christ's ministry goes beyond physical healing and christ really addresses heart issues. i strive for that.
my secret confession is that
i think deep down there's a part of me that lives to entertain and for entertainment. so there is this residue of motive for me to ask "what happened?" if a patient hasn't shown up for a long time, or is not having a good day because i just find their stories soooo interesting, being worlds apart, and it gives me something to think/talk/blog about.
of course i care about my patients' lives. but i guess the interesting stories are a good incentive to take the time and get to know them.
motivational interviewing is a technique to probe patients' wants and desires, assess them, educate them about oral health, and basically get them to want (and thus be motivated to pursue) the appropriate treatment that they need. it's kind of a huge mountain to scale, with the majority of the population being afraid of dentists and all, and especially in this population where
1. people are afraid of the dentist
2. people have a different paradigm as to what is an appointment ("maybe i'll come if i don't have anything better to do! it's gonna be a surprise!" as opposed to, "oh, thank you for setting up an appointment time, which means that i will show up, and if i can't make it i will let you know ahead of time, otherwise i will feel ashamed.")
3. people might not think it's important to go to the dentist until something hurts, and then they finally come while they're already in excruciating pain, so of course it's not that pleasant of an experience, and then finally we're back at #1.
anyway, in dental school all of my classmates hated our motivational interviewing class. it was the bane of many's existence. in school i tried to lay low. i kept quiet. got my work done. didn't say anything within the radar. i've blocked a lot of memories out, but it kind of amuses me how much disdain there was for our behavioural science and treatment planning or communication-enhancing type classes. hahaha.
so it's been amusing (and helpful) seeing calvin so enthusiastic about asking patients why they came to the dentist and trying to empower them to take care of their oral health.
meanwhile, while we're working on patients, we are in constant dialogue. so we analyze this motivational interviewing thing. and he goes, "amy, you're good at asking people what's going on in their lives and listening to them."
i'm an affirmation monger. so that feels good. it's something i appreciate about working at esperanza, that i have time to get to know the patients and learn about their lives. christ's ministry goes beyond physical healing and christ really addresses heart issues. i strive for that.
my secret confession is that
i think deep down there's a part of me that lives to entertain and for entertainment. so there is this residue of motive for me to ask "what happened?" if a patient hasn't shown up for a long time, or is not having a good day because i just find their stories soooo interesting, being worlds apart, and it gives me something to think/talk/blog about.
of course i care about my patients' lives. but i guess the interesting stories are a good incentive to take the time and get to know them.
Monday, January 24, 2011
-i probably can't sustain 5-6 hobbies if i'm going to work full-time. i can probably just pick 1 or 2.
-if i want to get more done, i should probably talk less, blog less, do more. then maybe later i can write a book about it.
-7 yr old girl offered to pay me the money she would get from the tooth fairy if i let her take home her tooth. so cute!
-if i want to get more done, i should probably talk less, blog less, do more. then maybe later i can write a book about it.
-7 yr old girl offered to pay me the money she would get from the tooth fairy if i let her take home her tooth. so cute!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
on septa there is this ad that says something like "save $600 by getting a train pass. get 20 more manicures this year."
i guess they kinda know who's riding septa and whom to cater their marketing.
today B came for a denture checkup. usually i comment on my patients' nails. "oh, that's a pretty colour!" or "i really like that design!"
i dunno if B was sad that i didn't say anything right away this time. coz she kept looking at me, then looking at her nails, then looking at me, then at her nails. so finally i caved and said, "ooh! you just did your nails again! nice summer colours to brighten a cold winter day!"
actually i didn't really say that, coz i spoke in spanish. whatever i said probably translated to, "how pretty are your nails! colours for summer. not winter."
i need to work on spanish and linguistic nuances.
jajaja.
the other ad that makes me laugh on septa is for this sam bernstein type lawyer named justin bieber. expect it's justin m. bieber. i wonder how many pre-teen girls call the number on the poster.
i guess they kinda know who's riding septa and whom to cater their marketing.
today B came for a denture checkup. usually i comment on my patients' nails. "oh, that's a pretty colour!" or "i really like that design!"
i dunno if B was sad that i didn't say anything right away this time. coz she kept looking at me, then looking at her nails, then looking at me, then at her nails. so finally i caved and said, "ooh! you just did your nails again! nice summer colours to brighten a cold winter day!"
actually i didn't really say that, coz i spoke in spanish. whatever i said probably translated to, "how pretty are your nails! colours for summer. not winter."
i need to work on spanish and linguistic nuances.
jajaja.
the other ad that makes me laugh on septa is for this sam bernstein type lawyer named justin bieber. expect it's justin m. bieber. i wonder how many pre-teen girls call the number on the poster.
snow and ice today, but we had some metaphorical sunshine and rainbows in kensington today because the kensington strangler (serial rapist/killer) has been arrested. they gotta confirm DNA tests but the reports say that he's already come up with a confession.
the kid's only 22. which is kinda amazing that it took so long for him to be caught. he'll probably end up with a life sentence for being a career criminal/menace to society.
i'm trying to think of what i was doing at 22. (finished college, backpacking in europe, mission trip to micronesia, starting dental school, living with parents...)
i'm reminded of a patient, T, who used to be a career criminal. he was the one who explained to me that a career criminal is someone who commits at least 3 felonies. now, in his 60s, he is following Jesus and trying to live for God. it's hard to believe how people can change, especially in thinking about the hurt that victims/victims' families have to endure. but there's hope, somewhere out there.
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van came today coz i'm making her some retainers in exchange for a box of contact lenses. she's my new canadian optometry school friend in philly. anyway, her first snapshot of kensington is sitting in the waiting room next to my patient, Q, who came in with her hair full of rollers.
when i saw Q in the chair, i asked if she had a snow day today. she answered that she did not have a snow day. i then asked if she went to school. she did not go to school, but the school called her house to ask why she was absent. i wonder if she told them that she was absent because she had rollers in her hair. anyway, she told me that she's had them in for a few days but was too lazy to take them out.
okay.
van was tempted to take a cell phone camera shot of her, but refrained.
i assured her that Q was the first patient i've seen that has come with rollers.
H came in today and taught me that 'endo' refers to percocet. i looked this up and endocet has the same composition as percocet. prior to knowing this i was told by a coworker that endo usually refers to marijuana, in reference to a snoop dog song. just cross checked this on urbandictionary and endo is specifically marijuana that is grown indoors. H also wrote down 'zanac' and told me he only takes that to get high. me: "are you taking zantac or xanax?"
H: "xanax. sorry, i probably spelled it wrong."
me: "are you taking zantac too? do you have allergies?"
H: "no. just xanax."
the kid's only 22. which is kinda amazing that it took so long for him to be caught. he'll probably end up with a life sentence for being a career criminal/menace to society.
i'm trying to think of what i was doing at 22. (finished college, backpacking in europe, mission trip to micronesia, starting dental school, living with parents...)
i'm reminded of a patient, T, who used to be a career criminal. he was the one who explained to me that a career criminal is someone who commits at least 3 felonies. now, in his 60s, he is following Jesus and trying to live for God. it's hard to believe how people can change, especially in thinking about the hurt that victims/victims' families have to endure. but there's hope, somewhere out there.
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van came today coz i'm making her some retainers in exchange for a box of contact lenses. she's my new canadian optometry school friend in philly. anyway, her first snapshot of kensington is sitting in the waiting room next to my patient, Q, who came in with her hair full of rollers.
when i saw Q in the chair, i asked if she had a snow day today. she answered that she did not have a snow day. i then asked if she went to school. she did not go to school, but the school called her house to ask why she was absent. i wonder if she told them that she was absent because she had rollers in her hair. anyway, she told me that she's had them in for a few days but was too lazy to take them out.
okay.
van was tempted to take a cell phone camera shot of her, but refrained.
i assured her that Q was the first patient i've seen that has come with rollers.
H came in today and taught me that 'endo' refers to percocet. i looked this up and endocet has the same composition as percocet. prior to knowing this i was told by a coworker that endo usually refers to marijuana, in reference to a snoop dog song. just cross checked this on urbandictionary and endo is specifically marijuana that is grown indoors. H also wrote down 'zanac' and told me he only takes that to get high. me: "are you taking zantac or xanax?"
H: "xanax. sorry, i probably spelled it wrong."
me: "are you taking zantac too? do you have allergies?"
H: "no. just xanax."
Monday, January 17, 2011
went to police athletic league with 8 of my coworkers this morning for martin luther king junior day of service. it was a pretty cool center - lots of gyms, computer room, dance room, game room, homework room. it's free for all kids 6-18 and it's helping keep the philadelphia youth off the streets and out of trouble. we didn't do too much, just helped clean some windows, mopped the floors and tables. but, it was a good break from clinic. and we were able to meet some other folks from the community (volunteers from a local law firm) and then the staff at PAL.
after we had a potluck w/ esperanza and afternoon retreat. our speaker talked about the "whole gospel", meaning integrating service/social justice/mercy/compassion with evangelism (as compassion on souls). the gospel needs to be expressed with our hands, feet, as well as proclaimed with our mouths. he went to the 2010 lausanne convention in south africa and saw, not through the amazing speakers at the convention, that missions, essentially, is loving God and loving neighbour - portrayed when he visited one of the impoverished townships and saw that people were caring for one another.
he read from luke 10, which starts with a busy massive commissioning of disciples, sent out to preach. then goes to very basic principles of "how to inherit eternal life?" - by loving God and loving neighbour, like the 'good samaritan'. then finally wrapping up with loving God starts w/ Mary spending time w/ the Lord, perhaps as a prerequisite to loving neighbour.
after we had a potluck w/ esperanza and afternoon retreat. our speaker talked about the "whole gospel", meaning integrating service/social justice/mercy/compassion with evangelism (as compassion on souls). the gospel needs to be expressed with our hands, feet, as well as proclaimed with our mouths. he went to the 2010 lausanne convention in south africa and saw, not through the amazing speakers at the convention, that missions, essentially, is loving God and loving neighbour - portrayed when he visited one of the impoverished townships and saw that people were caring for one another.
he read from luke 10, which starts with a busy massive commissioning of disciples, sent out to preach. then goes to very basic principles of "how to inherit eternal life?" - by loving God and loving neighbour, like the 'good samaritan'. then finally wrapping up with loving God starts w/ Mary spending time w/ the Lord, perhaps as a prerequisite to loving neighbour.
Friday, January 14, 2011
met ben today. he moved out to philly from indiana to do missions. he started out w/ frank vega's ministry in kensington to the drug dealers and prostitutes. i told him that hmcc used to send missions teams to kensington. and that pastor frank spoke at one of the hmcc revivals... back in the day when there used to be revivals. so, he's married to p. frank's daughter and said that he remembers travelling to ann arbor and also facilitating some of the hmcc teams. small world! anyway, ben's current ministry was planted by ihop and they're training up inner city youth to use art and prayer into worship.
so every day at work it's been a frequent routine to ask "why am i doing this?!"... B was very encouraging and shared (unsolicited) "it's great that you are here because a lot of us missionaries don't have extravagant health insurance. it's wonderful to see the body helping the body."
good exhortation to finish the week. phew!
so every day at work it's been a frequent routine to ask "why am i doing this?!"... B was very encouraging and shared (unsolicited) "it's great that you are here because a lot of us missionaries don't have extravagant health insurance. it's wonderful to see the body helping the body."
good exhortation to finish the week. phew!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
-met A today and she is 30. but she is pregnant with her 10th child. my initial reaction in my brain was, "WTH?!" but anyone who i expecting that i see i always start by saying, "congratulations!"
of course i tried to get the story. she had her first baby at 14. the youngest one currently is age 1. her parents have been very supportive. the baby daddy, however, is a different story. he 'finally' agreed to get married after getting out of jail. but it perhaps made things worse for her. she thought/wanted him to change but he didn't. he still comes and goes when he pleases and cheats on her. she's not sure what she's going to do with him next but she kinda wants out. she has 6 boys and 3 girls. the next one coming is another boy. she seems content.
the first delivery was the most frightening. but the 3rd delivery was the hardest/biggest baby/toughest labour.
she sometimes wishes she could take a vacation.
really?!!! i wonder why! hehehe.
anyway, i love having moms enumerate the names of their children. i think it's beautiful, like poetry. kinda like listing off the tribes of israel. or the twelve disciples. or the 7 von trapp children. or the 10 provinces of canada. in order. i like order!
A listed off her children's names with a slow start, but once she got going the names just flowed. i didn't have time to ask her to list off all their birthdays. she needs half her teeth out.
-C came today and reports that she is extremely afraid of health care providers because of a failed toe surgery. perhaps the doctor placed too many steroids while correcting a hammer toe. now the bone is necrosing and she will likely need an implant of some sort. she shared and shed some tears. we prayed for her. and then she went on her way.
this tends to happen a lot.
-helen came back w/ A and N from dawn's place. it's been challenging. but these ladies are so spunky despite who knows what kinds of crazy hardships they've endured in the so-called brothels of harrisburg.
-blanked out on suturing for the first time in a long time. took me 10 seconds to recall how to properly tie a knot. perhaps need to practice.
-i love sewing! that's the worst reason to become a surgeon. if someone wants to become a surgeon they should love surgery. kinda how people get rejected from engineering school if the only reason they write on their personal statement for applying is that they love playing with legos. anyway, i'm gonna stick w/ sewing fabrics.
-why i wash my hair every day:
when doing some suturing earlier this week i leaned my head in and calvin, who is like a foot taller than me, accidentally ran the bloody suction tip into my head's field of movement. one day perhaps i shall invest in a hair net. his look of remorse was quite amusing. but we both quickly get over these types of things.
-yesterday i could hear some patients who had kinda given me grief in the past, but we still love and respect each other. they were talking to one of the nurses in the hallway. there was a time in my life when i was completely conditioned to be an extrovert because i thought it was the christian thing to do - to be super outgoing and friendly and whatever. anyway, after college i've been gradually resorting back to my natural "I"dentity. instead of going out to say 'hi' despite having a lot of free time at the moment, i hid in the corner behind the computer, out of sight, and read a slew of brady hoke articles.
of course i tried to get the story. she had her first baby at 14. the youngest one currently is age 1. her parents have been very supportive. the baby daddy, however, is a different story. he 'finally' agreed to get married after getting out of jail. but it perhaps made things worse for her. she thought/wanted him to change but he didn't. he still comes and goes when he pleases and cheats on her. she's not sure what she's going to do with him next but she kinda wants out. she has 6 boys and 3 girls. the next one coming is another boy. she seems content.
the first delivery was the most frightening. but the 3rd delivery was the hardest/biggest baby/toughest labour.
she sometimes wishes she could take a vacation.
really?!!! i wonder why! hehehe.
anyway, i love having moms enumerate the names of their children. i think it's beautiful, like poetry. kinda like listing off the tribes of israel. or the twelve disciples. or the 7 von trapp children. or the 10 provinces of canada. in order. i like order!
A listed off her children's names with a slow start, but once she got going the names just flowed. i didn't have time to ask her to list off all their birthdays. she needs half her teeth out.
-C came today and reports that she is extremely afraid of health care providers because of a failed toe surgery. perhaps the doctor placed too many steroids while correcting a hammer toe. now the bone is necrosing and she will likely need an implant of some sort. she shared and shed some tears. we prayed for her. and then she went on her way.
this tends to happen a lot.
-helen came back w/ A and N from dawn's place. it's been challenging. but these ladies are so spunky despite who knows what kinds of crazy hardships they've endured in the so-called brothels of harrisburg.
-blanked out on suturing for the first time in a long time. took me 10 seconds to recall how to properly tie a knot. perhaps need to practice.
-i love sewing! that's the worst reason to become a surgeon. if someone wants to become a surgeon they should love surgery. kinda how people get rejected from engineering school if the only reason they write on their personal statement for applying is that they love playing with legos. anyway, i'm gonna stick w/ sewing fabrics.
-why i wash my hair every day:
when doing some suturing earlier this week i leaned my head in and calvin, who is like a foot taller than me, accidentally ran the bloody suction tip into my head's field of movement. one day perhaps i shall invest in a hair net. his look of remorse was quite amusing. but we both quickly get over these types of things.
-yesterday i could hear some patients who had kinda given me grief in the past, but we still love and respect each other. they were talking to one of the nurses in the hallway. there was a time in my life when i was completely conditioned to be an extrovert because i thought it was the christian thing to do - to be super outgoing and friendly and whatever. anyway, after college i've been gradually resorting back to my natural "I"dentity. instead of going out to say 'hi' despite having a lot of free time at the moment, i hid in the corner behind the computer, out of sight, and read a slew of brady hoke articles.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
-saw N today. she came with a translator for bahasa indonesia this time. it's great the esperanza sent me to learn spanish. because it's so much more draining to do this job via translators.
anyway, it was cool coz her translator, H, is a nurse by training. but she feels gypped that she's been without a nursing job for several months, because it seems like all nursing schools and advocates promise a huge shortage of nurses resulting in a plethora of jobs from which to choose.
-at home mtg tonight (small group) one of the women was telling me how she also feels gypped by the nursing school for these unfulfilled promises of job location/specialty choice. two isolated comments in one day!
-was reiterating monday's shooting with calvin and talking about how S had to identify the shooters in front of their faces. unfortunately the system of witness protection in the hood is not very there. "snitches get stitches!" i laughed when i heard that mantra. but it's really not funny.
-6 inches of snow and philadelphia public schools call a snow day. wusses!
-i haven't cleaned this much snow off my car since michigan (since i parked in a covered garage last winter). it was kinda nice and made me thankful that i grew up with this type of weather. it's somehow made me tougher (the cold and ice). even though i'm a wuss in the extreme heat.
anyway, it was cool coz her translator, H, is a nurse by training. but she feels gypped that she's been without a nursing job for several months, because it seems like all nursing schools and advocates promise a huge shortage of nurses resulting in a plethora of jobs from which to choose.
-at home mtg tonight (small group) one of the women was telling me how she also feels gypped by the nursing school for these unfulfilled promises of job location/specialty choice. two isolated comments in one day!
-was reiterating monday's shooting with calvin and talking about how S had to identify the shooters in front of their faces. unfortunately the system of witness protection in the hood is not very there. "snitches get stitches!" i laughed when i heard that mantra. but it's really not funny.
-6 inches of snow and philadelphia public schools call a snow day. wusses!
-i haven't cleaned this much snow off my car since michigan (since i parked in a covered garage last winter). it was kinda nice and made me thankful that i grew up with this type of weather. it's somehow made me tougher (the cold and ice). even though i'm a wuss in the extreme heat.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
oh tuesday.
-ty had 2 red bulls and 1 xl coffee from dunkin' this afternoon. she threw up midway. not a good idea! even if you're falling asleep at work.
-"A" came back after a brief hiatus from the dentist. she shared the reason why she wasn't able to come for a year was because her oldest daughter, R, was shot in the neck. she was in the passenger seat of a drive-by, the shooters were after the driver. her english is practically native, but in talking about it, stirred up emotions where she could only express that "fue un milagro!" in her native tongue. one bullet grazed and another was lodged in her neck, just missing the nerve that would have caused her to be a vegetable. meanwhile the second daughter, M, whom i saw right after, was locked up for a brief time. she's only 16. anyway, it must be stressful feeling like she has no control over her children. the thing that someone from my world would not understand is that everyone knows who shot R. but no one can say anything. because worse consequences could ensue.
-had a really good lunch today. marinating things longer always helps.
-Z and K were back. they're inseparable. if i had a normal tolerance for awkward situations, then i'd be uncomfortable. but since my career is based on putting my hands in people's mouths, and people's heads are in my lap all day, my tolerance for awkward is pretty high.
-tried soup dumplings (shiao long bao) at dim sum garden today with K. sure it's a grimy joint. service was... humourous. the dumplings were all right.
-ty had 2 red bulls and 1 xl coffee from dunkin' this afternoon. she threw up midway. not a good idea! even if you're falling asleep at work.
-"A" came back after a brief hiatus from the dentist. she shared the reason why she wasn't able to come for a year was because her oldest daughter, R, was shot in the neck. she was in the passenger seat of a drive-by, the shooters were after the driver. her english is practically native, but in talking about it, stirred up emotions where she could only express that "fue un milagro!" in her native tongue. one bullet grazed and another was lodged in her neck, just missing the nerve that would have caused her to be a vegetable. meanwhile the second daughter, M, whom i saw right after, was locked up for a brief time. she's only 16. anyway, it must be stressful feeling like she has no control over her children. the thing that someone from my world would not understand is that everyone knows who shot R. but no one can say anything. because worse consequences could ensue.
-had a really good lunch today. marinating things longer always helps.
-Z and K were back. they're inseparable. if i had a normal tolerance for awkward situations, then i'd be uncomfortable. but since my career is based on putting my hands in people's mouths, and people's heads are in my lap all day, my tolerance for awkward is pretty high.
-tried soup dumplings (shiao long bao) at dim sum garden today with K. sure it's a grimy joint. service was... humourous. the dumplings were all right.
Monday, January 10, 2011
today's devotion, susan asked us to think about "why is God amazing?"
it took me a long time.
because i'm not a morning person.
and i wasn't thrilled about monday mornings.
finally, 3.5 hours later at lunch i walked to dunkin' donuts and had to pass through the crowd that waits for the bus on the corner.
God is amazing because there are so many people in this small land area, and everyone is so different. very amazing to me.
more amazing is that God actually cares.
i wonder why. and that's what amazes me.
anyway, had a good renewed realization that my work is work, but really it's not 'work'. some of my most joyful moments were on the field. God reminded me that i'm still on the field. in this country that is not my country of birth.
it took me a long time.
because i'm not a morning person.
and i wasn't thrilled about monday mornings.
finally, 3.5 hours later at lunch i walked to dunkin' donuts and had to pass through the crowd that waits for the bus on the corner.
God is amazing because there are so many people in this small land area, and everyone is so different. very amazing to me.
more amazing is that God actually cares.
i wonder why. and that's what amazes me.
anyway, had a good renewed realization that my work is work, but really it's not 'work'. some of my most joyful moments were on the field. God reminded me that i'm still on the field. in this country that is not my country of birth.
shooting at K&A today at 1 p.m. wowee!
we heard gunshots around 1 p.m., there were about 10-15 shots fired, and very quickly. so at first i was wondering if there were firecrackers...
but alas, i am still a tourist here.
ada and i, the small town midwestern girls that we are, gawked out the window for the next 20 minutes. (so exciting!) meanwhile our north philly native coworkers decided they had seen enough of this stuff growing up, so they went back to work.
during the time, our coworker, s, comes on the scene and speaks to one of the cops that pulled up in a cop car. it looked like a silent movie coz we saw him pointing and telling a quick story and his mouth was moving, then i guess the cop asked him to get in the car, they made a uey, then went in the direction to where one of the shooters ran.
more cops came, firetruck, helicopter, then ambulance came and picked up two older men who had fallen to the ground, then they taped off the scene.
later i talked to S. he said he had seen the entire episode from his office window, so then he ran out to tell the cops what the shooters were wearing. they apprehended two (of three) of them (chased them down the street into a house). so S had to stand in front of them and tell the cops which ones were the guys. awkward! those two guys were brothers, one of whom was shot in the back. he apparently was well enough to run to the house, but looking up on the news, it says he's currently in critical condition. S said he saw him sitting down on the floor with blood dripping onto the floor. apparently there was a 3rd guy who was shooting back at them and he ran in the other direction. eeks. hopefully they caught up with him.
we heard gunshots around 1 p.m., there were about 10-15 shots fired, and very quickly. so at first i was wondering if there were firecrackers...
but alas, i am still a tourist here.
ada and i, the small town midwestern girls that we are, gawked out the window for the next 20 minutes. (so exciting!) meanwhile our north philly native coworkers decided they had seen enough of this stuff growing up, so they went back to work.
during the time, our coworker, s, comes on the scene and speaks to one of the cops that pulled up in a cop car. it looked like a silent movie coz we saw him pointing and telling a quick story and his mouth was moving, then i guess the cop asked him to get in the car, they made a uey, then went in the direction to where one of the shooters ran.
more cops came, firetruck, helicopter, then ambulance came and picked up two older men who had fallen to the ground, then they taped off the scene.
later i talked to S. he said he had seen the entire episode from his office window, so then he ran out to tell the cops what the shooters were wearing. they apprehended two (of three) of them (chased them down the street into a house). so S had to stand in front of them and tell the cops which ones were the guys. awkward! those two guys were brothers, one of whom was shot in the back. he apparently was well enough to run to the house, but looking up on the news, it says he's currently in critical condition. S said he saw him sitting down on the floor with blood dripping onto the floor. apparently there was a 3rd guy who was shooting back at them and he ran in the other direction. eeks. hopefully they caught up with him.
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