i'm away from kensington and chinatown.
it feels like home and i've quickly readjusted back to the slowness of the midwest.
i still think about the rowhomes and subways and high population density.
travel always consists of space and time.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
eternal perspective is hard.
supposedly justice is sexy these days.
but, sometimes it's really tough and overwhelming.
-----------
on a different note, marilyn was cleaning off some graffiti today. some idiot tagged our esperanza mural. anyway, it was an interesting sight to see, and makes more sense after learning that it was marilyn's daughter and son-in-law who painted the mural. mama bear is upset and not gonna stand for this crap!!!! with utmost graciousness, of course.
but, sometimes it's really tough and overwhelming.
-----------
on a different note, marilyn was cleaning off some graffiti today. some idiot tagged our esperanza mural. anyway, it was an interesting sight to see, and makes more sense after learning that it was marilyn's daughter and son-in-law who painted the mural. mama bear is upset and not gonna stand for this crap!!!! with utmost graciousness, of course.
meeting a true philly native
i've been meeting lots of people who are new to philly, people who have been here less than 10 years, and people from the burbs. most of the patients i work with are 1st or 2nd generation immigrants. a lot of these patients are from north philly and have that north philly flavour.
maureen wins the prize for most philadelphian, though. she is a young mother of two. i met her on wed at church's kids' camp. she was sharing about her life, and how her brother's family was in a serious car accident earlier that day. so it's been difficult dealing with the trauma.
aside, (what takes the cake is that) her grandmother owns the bar that is in the 'rocky' movie. and her grandmother was in the movie. that is super philadelphian!
maureen wins the prize for most philadelphian, though. she is a young mother of two. i met her on wed at church's kids' camp. she was sharing about her life, and how her brother's family was in a serious car accident earlier that day. so it's been difficult dealing with the trauma.
aside, (what takes the cake is that) her grandmother owns the bar that is in the 'rocky' movie. and her grandmother was in the movie. that is super philadelphian!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
life nights at liberti
been helping out w/ wednesday 'life nights' at church in fishtown. it's like weekly vbs for kids 5-12, trying to provide a safe place for kids in the neighbourhood.
i learned from one of the moms that there aren't that many kids under 12 in fishtown. so maybe that's why turnout has been low.
anyway, today a new kid came, he's 4 and a half. never been separated from mom before. mom was walking by, saw the sign, decided to check it out and thought it would be good for son to learn some independence and practice for preschool coming up this fall.
he was sooo cute with dimples. kinda sucked that all the other boys were 10 and up. but they were welcoming. his mom stayed with him about 15 minutes then sneaked out while we were trying to distract him with games. the moment he realized she was gone, he was on the brink of bursting into tears. it was kinda a special moment. like weaning. growing pains. what's best for him even though it hurt.
yesterday my 4 yr old girl went crazy and would not cooperate.
we discussed how 4 years old is kinda like graduating from being a baby to a 'big kid'. so, it's really a toss up whether the kids will cooperate or not.
------------
when i was 4, i started piano lessons and was going to this preschool called 'the child's place'. i remember being very self-aware, but at the same time having some mild behavioural issues.
i learned from one of the moms that there aren't that many kids under 12 in fishtown. so maybe that's why turnout has been low.
anyway, today a new kid came, he's 4 and a half. never been separated from mom before. mom was walking by, saw the sign, decided to check it out and thought it would be good for son to learn some independence and practice for preschool coming up this fall.
he was sooo cute with dimples. kinda sucked that all the other boys were 10 and up. but they were welcoming. his mom stayed with him about 15 minutes then sneaked out while we were trying to distract him with games. the moment he realized she was gone, he was on the brink of bursting into tears. it was kinda a special moment. like weaning. growing pains. what's best for him even though it hurt.
yesterday my 4 yr old girl went crazy and would not cooperate.
we discussed how 4 years old is kinda like graduating from being a baby to a 'big kid'. so, it's really a toss up whether the kids will cooperate or not.
------------
when i was 4, i started piano lessons and was going to this preschool called 'the child's place'. i remember being very self-aware, but at the same time having some mild behavioural issues.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
race role reversals
i never read the news, but have been looking up news on these stabbings since it's so close to home. what's more interesting is reading the comments that people leave. calvin calls them 'internet trolls' - people who want to make a point but then leave all these holes for other people to make opposing points.
so the police didn't have a good description of the suspect stabber. just that he ran away with a female and toddler. someone opened up the discussion with
"i WONDER what he looked like"
then response of:
"you want to say he's black? just say it!"
followed by:
"there are a lot of puerto ricans in this area!"
blah blah blah.
but what i found interesting is that people were saying the media makes more of an issue if it's a white on black crime versus a black on white crime. i would have thought the opposite. but maybe if 'white on black' is more rare, then it's bigger news and can create a bigger uproar in a majority black city.
i guess there are pros and cons to being the invisible asian here.
so the police didn't have a good description of the suspect stabber. just that he ran away with a female and toddler. someone opened up the discussion with
"i WONDER what he looked like"
then response of:
"you want to say he's black? just say it!"
followed by:
"there are a lot of puerto ricans in this area!"
blah blah blah.
but what i found interesting is that people were saying the media makes more of an issue if it's a white on black crime versus a black on white crime. i would have thought the opposite. but maybe if 'white on black' is more rare, then it's bigger news and can create a bigger uproar in a majority black city.
i guess there are pros and cons to being the invisible asian here.
more on life in kensington:
i work 40 yards from the allegheny stop on the blue line.
today at noon a man was stabbed on the westbound train platform. he was sent to temple hosp and in critical care.
i can see the station and the trains from my 6th floor window. when i take the train home, which i usually do, though today was an exception, i wait at that platform.
------------------
this morning i walked into devotions 5 minutes late. berry was sharing her story of grace, and also that she's leaving esperanza for another position closer to home, to avoid her 2 hour commute and to spend more time with her children. it was a difficult decision. and when i walked into the room half the people were crying.
one of those devotional days.
anyway, i only caught the last bit, but she shared the difficulties of commuting and returning home to her hungry children. and witnessing things such as an accident on the freeway 3 cars ahead of her, and knowing that it could have been her, had it not been for God's grace.
i remember that day when she came to work. she seemed a little in shock, but i didn't realize it had impacted her so much.
---------------------
there is tragedy all around. but really it's grace that sustains me.
i work 40 yards from the allegheny stop on the blue line.
today at noon a man was stabbed on the westbound train platform. he was sent to temple hosp and in critical care.
i can see the station and the trains from my 6th floor window. when i take the train home, which i usually do, though today was an exception, i wait at that platform.
------------------
this morning i walked into devotions 5 minutes late. berry was sharing her story of grace, and also that she's leaving esperanza for another position closer to home, to avoid her 2 hour commute and to spend more time with her children. it was a difficult decision. and when i walked into the room half the people were crying.
one of those devotional days.
anyway, i only caught the last bit, but she shared the difficulties of commuting and returning home to her hungry children. and witnessing things such as an accident on the freeway 3 cars ahead of her, and knowing that it could have been her, had it not been for God's grace.
i remember that day when she came to work. she seemed a little in shock, but i didn't realize it had impacted her so much.
---------------------
there is tragedy all around. but really it's grace that sustains me.
shalom today
coworker whose car was stolen at work returned my car today.
coworker whose house burned down last week returned to work today.
a/c at the apt was finally fixed today.
dinner with a friend, she and i are currently living opposite seasons, so good to have some perspective today.
time to rest at work.
replaced some fillings.
got rid of some decay.
there is momentary peace.
coworker whose house burned down last week returned to work today.
a/c at the apt was finally fixed today.
dinner with a friend, she and i are currently living opposite seasons, so good to have some perspective today.
time to rest at work.
replaced some fillings.
got rid of some decay.
there is momentary peace.
Monday, July 19, 2010
not always glamourous
preparing for summer camp next week. and filling out this 'survey' thingie. one of the first questions is "occupation".
sometimes 'dentist' sounds glamourous. and 'dentist in the inner city' sounds noble or honourable. or something. like, we are working hard to combat the 'bad guys' and fight disease.
at the end of the day, work is work. there are some 'big' things to do. but really, it's just a bunch of 'little' things. often these tasks are quite mundane.
true, there are some days when work seems more exciting or that work is making a big impact in some people's lives.
today, however, was merely a battle of heart.
sometimes 'dentist' sounds glamourous. and 'dentist in the inner city' sounds noble or honourable. or something. like, we are working hard to combat the 'bad guys' and fight disease.
at the end of the day, work is work. there are some 'big' things to do. but really, it's just a bunch of 'little' things. often these tasks are quite mundane.
true, there are some days when work seems more exciting or that work is making a big impact in some people's lives.
today, however, was merely a battle of heart.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
called to be misunderstood
got my eyes checked down the street.
i live in chinatown.
they asked me where i am from.
i said i'm taiwanese.
and they said, "oh you're chinese! hahaha. but you think you're different."
so i explained why i'm different.
anyway, i didn't get angry.
because a lot of people don't believe what i know.
even though i believe what i know is truth.
i live in chinatown.
they asked me where i am from.
i said i'm taiwanese.
and they said, "oh you're chinese! hahaha. but you think you're different."
so i explained why i'm different.
anyway, i didn't get angry.
because a lot of people don't believe what i know.
even though i believe what i know is truth.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
first time doing fillings on a 3 yr old.
thought i was gonna poo my pants, coz i had heard enough screaming kids this week, and i had watched a movie with disturbing torture scenes on sunday. but thankfully, she was the perfect patient. everything was done in 10 minutes. woohoo!
anyway, asked pt what her fav song was, and so i sang 'twinkle twinkle' with mom during the injection. it had been a while, so i forgot some of the words. i was singing 'how i wonder where you are', but i think it's supposed to be 'how i wonder what you are'?
this blog is supposed to be about kensington but i often refer back to childhood. philly experiences remind me of windsor sometimes. here's the version we used to sing in kindergarten:
'les etoiles dans le ciel, brillent, brillent, comme elles sont belles
elles s'allument une a une, pour bien eclairer la lune
les etoiles dans le ciel, brillen, brillent, comme elles sont belles
thought i was gonna poo my pants, coz i had heard enough screaming kids this week, and i had watched a movie with disturbing torture scenes on sunday. but thankfully, she was the perfect patient. everything was done in 10 minutes. woohoo!
anyway, asked pt what her fav song was, and so i sang 'twinkle twinkle' with mom during the injection. it had been a while, so i forgot some of the words. i was singing 'how i wonder where you are', but i think it's supposed to be 'how i wonder what you are'?
this blog is supposed to be about kensington but i often refer back to childhood. philly experiences remind me of windsor sometimes. here's the version we used to sing in kindergarten:
'les etoiles dans le ciel, brillent, brillent, comme elles sont belles
elles s'allument une a une, pour bien eclairer la lune
les etoiles dans le ciel, brillen, brillent, comme elles sont belles
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
the gateway student led devotions this morning. and i remember now what it was like to be 20. to be excited about every little thing that i was learning and to have so much time to reflect and process and to write in a journal. where, every little surrender to the lord was a big deal and gratitude was fresh. i don't necessarily think i'm less spiritual, or less joyful. but, maybe less wide-eyed, a little aged by the turbulent 20's storms, and my hope is sharper but less plush.
no rhyme, no reason
at work we like to predict whether or not patients will come and postulate why.
-it's snowing; therefore, no one will show up
-it's raining; therefore, no one will show up
-it's extremely hot and humid; therefore, no one will show up
-it's pay day...
-it's medicaid renewal day...
-school's out...
-it's the day before the holiday...
-it's the day after the holiday...
-it's the assistant's fault...
-it's the front desk's fault...
-it's the dentist's fault...
-the patient is afraid...
anyway, it was pouring today and everyone happened to show up, so i had my first day of 17 peeps. which, maybe isn't a lot compared to other places, but it's a lot for me because i talk a lot and listen a lot. and we pray sometimes. which takes up some time.
really, people just come if they feel like it. this is where realities clash: my reality is that when i make an appointment, the point is to attend, and if changes need to be made, then i call as soon as possible to make necessary arrangements. for many folks here, their reality is that when they make an appointment, it's kinda like saying, "thanks for the appointment, and i'll come if my magic 8 ball tells me to that day". my reality doesn't make sense to them. and their reality doesn't make sense to me. we're even.
-it's snowing; therefore, no one will show up
-it's raining; therefore, no one will show up
-it's extremely hot and humid; therefore, no one will show up
-it's pay day...
-it's medicaid renewal day...
-school's out...
-it's the day before the holiday...
-it's the day after the holiday...
-it's the assistant's fault...
-it's the front desk's fault...
-it's the dentist's fault...
-the patient is afraid...
anyway, it was pouring today and everyone happened to show up, so i had my first day of 17 peeps. which, maybe isn't a lot compared to other places, but it's a lot for me because i talk a lot and listen a lot. and we pray sometimes. which takes up some time.
really, people just come if they feel like it. this is where realities clash: my reality is that when i make an appointment, the point is to attend, and if changes need to be made, then i call as soon as possible to make necessary arrangements. for many folks here, their reality is that when they make an appointment, it's kinda like saying, "thanks for the appointment, and i'll come if my magic 8 ball tells me to that day". my reality doesn't make sense to them. and their reality doesn't make sense to me. we're even.
Monday, July 12, 2010
loves peace. avoids conflict.
so i have this patient,
and she was very honest with me in the beginning.
she told me she's been hurt before.
that she doesn't trust anyone.
but she has a good feeling about me.
and is willing to give me a chance.
she briefly alluded to the fact that she's had a heroin problem.
i helped her a little bit and she was really thankful.
she tried to give me lots of ego massages.
she said that i was the only one for her.
that she wouldn't trust anyone else.
then she started flaking on me.
and then started making up stories.
and then started trying to manipulate me.
and confessed she had a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she didn't have a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she wasn't trying to manipulate me.
it became clear that she loved drugs more than me.
i gave her lots of grace.
and today was supposed to be the final test.
she blew up at my staff on the phone.
then requested that i call her back.
my staff told me to let her go.
i called her back and got her voice mail.
and didn't have the heart[lessness] to dismiss someone via voice mail.
anyway, hope she gets better.
and/or doesn't call me back tomorrow.
and she was very honest with me in the beginning.
she told me she's been hurt before.
that she doesn't trust anyone.
but she has a good feeling about me.
and is willing to give me a chance.
she briefly alluded to the fact that she's had a heroin problem.
i helped her a little bit and she was really thankful.
she tried to give me lots of ego massages.
she said that i was the only one for her.
that she wouldn't trust anyone else.
then she started flaking on me.
and then started making up stories.
and then started trying to manipulate me.
and confessed she had a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she didn't have a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she wasn't trying to manipulate me.
it became clear that she loved drugs more than me.
i gave her lots of grace.
and today was supposed to be the final test.
she blew up at my staff on the phone.
then requested that i call her back.
my staff told me to let her go.
i called her back and got her voice mail.
and didn't have the heart[lessness] to dismiss someone via voice mail.
anyway, hope she gets better.
and/or doesn't call me back tomorrow.
how NOT to start random small talk
was in line at the post office, then i started hiking up my pants coz sometimes i like to aerate my ankles. (it feels cooler. like, a 5 degree temperature drop when you go from long pants to capris.)
the woman who could have been mistaken for a man in front of me says, "are you doing that because you're on your period?"
i wasn't sure if i trusted my ears, so i said, "pardon?"
she repeated herself and then i politely answered, "no."
[end of convo]
the woman who could have been mistaken for a man in front of me says, "are you doing that because you're on your period?"
i wasn't sure if i trusted my ears, so i said, "pardon?"
she repeated herself and then i politely answered, "no."
[end of convo]
Saturday, July 10, 2010
rookie dentist fail.
ok, just had to get that out of my system.
no need to dwell on the past.
moving forward...
today joined debo and baltimore friends for the 2nd half of their philly food tour. there is so much food in this city. i don't think i'm a foodie, but i like rollin with 'em. it def helps going to vietnamese restaurants with a vietnamese friend to help pick out the hidden treasures on the menu.
part of the reason why there is so much food here is because there are so many people. it amazes me how people could possibly make connections with one another amidst the crowds, that every person has a unique story, that no one is special, but everyone is special.
ok, just had to get that out of my system.
no need to dwell on the past.
moving forward...
today joined debo and baltimore friends for the 2nd half of their philly food tour. there is so much food in this city. i don't think i'm a foodie, but i like rollin with 'em. it def helps going to vietnamese restaurants with a vietnamese friend to help pick out the hidden treasures on the menu.
part of the reason why there is so much food here is because there are so many people. it amazes me how people could possibly make connections with one another amidst the crowds, that every person has a unique story, that no one is special, but everyone is special.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
was gonna narrate patient encounters here today, but i spent so much time writing them in my clinic notes that i don't want to write them again. some day!...
getting off septa today there was a crowd exiting the door and a crowd entering. one woman was being a little pushy on her way in; therefore the man behind her taps her on the shoulder and politely suggests, "how about we let these people off before getting on?"
then the woman snaps, "how about YOU NEVER EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN?!!"
another woman to the side bursts into laughter.
i felt bad for the man trying to harness a sliver of courtesy in a courtesy-less (and hostile) environment.
i also felt bad for the first woman for being so angry. it must suck to have a temper that's so easily set off like that.
----------
one time in grade 7, our homeroom teacher snapped at a classmate. another classmate muttered, "i wonder who shoved a porcupine up HER ass this morning."
amusingly, instead of getting more angry, my teacher couldn't help but laugh. while we were being completely serious and thought we were mature, my teacher still thought that 12 year-olds were "cute", and it entertained her that something like that came out of one of our mouths.
getting off septa today there was a crowd exiting the door and a crowd entering. one woman was being a little pushy on her way in; therefore the man behind her taps her on the shoulder and politely suggests, "how about we let these people off before getting on?"
then the woman snaps, "how about YOU NEVER EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN?!!"
another woman to the side bursts into laughter.
i felt bad for the man trying to harness a sliver of courtesy in a courtesy-less (and hostile) environment.
i also felt bad for the first woman for being so angry. it must suck to have a temper that's so easily set off like that.
----------
one time in grade 7, our homeroom teacher snapped at a classmate. another classmate muttered, "i wonder who shoved a porcupine up HER ass this morning."
amusingly, instead of getting more angry, my teacher couldn't help but laugh. while we were being completely serious and thought we were mature, my teacher still thought that 12 year-olds were "cute", and it entertained her that something like that came out of one of our mouths.
world[view]s collide
comfortable vs. poor
asian vs. non
college town bubble vs. urban
young vs. young with kids
professional school vs. street schooled
victim vs. victim
frustrated vs. frustrated
all these things christian paradigm vs. all your things christian paradigm
sigh vs. sigh
asian vs. non
college town bubble vs. urban
young vs. young with kids
professional school vs. street schooled
victim vs. victim
frustrated vs. frustrated
all these things christian paradigm vs. all your things christian paradigm
sigh vs. sigh
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
heat wave
forgot how to speak spanish for the first half of today.
took my bp after lunch - it was 91/45. time to eat more salt!
little 5 y.o. Z came today with a toothache. he sat through lots a long appointment, thanks to his medications.
19 y.o. N came this morning from his group home, reports is in a program to overcome a marijuana habit. he'll be able to return to PR to his 2 y.o. daughter once he comes clean. reading between the lines - there's prolly some wack stuff lacing his joints coz plain mj probably wouldn't be that harmful.
took my bp after lunch - it was 91/45. time to eat more salt!
little 5 y.o. Z came today with a toothache. he sat through lots a long appointment, thanks to his medications.
19 y.o. N came this morning from his group home, reports is in a program to overcome a marijuana habit. he'll be able to return to PR to his 2 y.o. daughter once he comes clean. reading between the lines - there's prolly some wack stuff lacing his joints coz plain mj probably wouldn't be that harmful.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
thumbs down
today saw pt on the street at lunch time. we exchanged these words:
pt: i need pain medications.
me: you have an appointment this afternoon!
pt: yes, i'll see you there!
me: see you soon! bye!
despite our convo, 3 hours later he/she forgot to come.
anyway, kids, don't do drugs. it causes memory loss.
pt: i need pain medications.
me: you have an appointment this afternoon!
pt: yes, i'll see you there!
me: see you soon! bye!
despite our convo, 3 hours later he/she forgot to come.
anyway, kids, don't do drugs. it causes memory loss.
thumbs up
so many cute girls came today:
rainbow
violet
scarlet
adriana
brenda
maellis
they all were tiny, wide-eyed, have fun brushing their teeth, have chipmunk voices, very gregarious, and love stickers.
rainbow
violet
scarlet
adriana
brenda
maellis
they all were tiny, wide-eyed, have fun brushing their teeth, have chipmunk voices, very gregarious, and love stickers.
it's time to go back to spanish school
latin men are hella flirty.
pt this afternoon likes me. like, really likes me.
but he also likes our front desk chachas. (short for muchachas).
like, he really likes our front desk chachas.
jajaja.
anyway, this chacho (short for muchacho) was about to leave.
i think i'm pretty good at foreign language acquisition because i'm able to contextualize and fill in the blanks.
however, today was not my day.
this is what i heard:
me: don't eat a lot of sugar
pt: i want to get all my dental work done.
me: the important thing is to brush, floss and watch your diet.
pt: what kinds of foods should i eat?
me: all kinds of foods are fine.
pt: is mexican food okay?
me: huh? i guess. yeah that's cool.
after chacho left, my assistant kinda had a feeling that i misunderstood everything and then told me this is really what he said/heard:
me: don't eat a lot of sugar
pt: when i get all my dental work done i'm going to take you out to dinner. and i'm telling you in advance so that you don't back out on me.
[i was probably thinking about how to say my next sentence in spanish during this time]
me: the important thing is to brush, floss and watch your diet.
pt: what kinds of foods do you like?
me: all kinds of foods are fine.
pt: so you like mexican food?
me: huh? yeah that's cool.
oopsies.
anyway, i'm a little skeptical that he won't get all his dental work done soon coz he's got a lot of cavities. maybe he'll forget about this convo by then.
jajaja.
it's good to have translators!
pt this afternoon likes me. like, really likes me.
but he also likes our front desk chachas. (short for muchachas).
like, he really likes our front desk chachas.
jajaja.
anyway, this chacho (short for muchacho) was about to leave.
i think i'm pretty good at foreign language acquisition because i'm able to contextualize and fill in the blanks.
however, today was not my day.
this is what i heard:
me: don't eat a lot of sugar
pt: i want to get all my dental work done.
me: the important thing is to brush, floss and watch your diet.
pt: what kinds of foods should i eat?
me: all kinds of foods are fine.
pt: is mexican food okay?
me: huh? i guess. yeah that's cool.
after chacho left, my assistant kinda had a feeling that i misunderstood everything and then told me this is really what he said/heard:
me: don't eat a lot of sugar
pt: when i get all my dental work done i'm going to take you out to dinner. and i'm telling you in advance so that you don't back out on me.
[i was probably thinking about how to say my next sentence in spanish during this time]
me: the important thing is to brush, floss and watch your diet.
pt: what kinds of foods do you like?
me: all kinds of foods are fine.
pt: so you like mexican food?
me: huh? yeah that's cool.
oopsies.
anyway, i'm a little skeptical that he won't get all his dental work done soon coz he's got a lot of cavities. maybe he'll forget about this convo by then.
jajaja.
it's good to have translators!
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