a news article for something that is not considered news

dear cyberspace,

yesterday our team at work found out that one of our patients stabbed his girlfriend to death on saturday. she was also one of our patients. we also saw their kids, ages 3, 2, and 1. we also see his grandmother and mother.

i can't find much information about the incident on the news, because sadly, violence like this in inner city north philadelphia are not considered "news". it happens way too often. "it" referring to "crazy s---". as much as i try to eliminate profanity from my vocab, the english language, as prolific as it is, simply cannot describe it better than "crazy s---".

calvin made the comment that if this happened in the suburbs, it would have been front page, filled with articles and memoriam regarding the victim, and how to help.

anyway, as a way to mourn and address my shock/vicarious trauma/grief, i'd like to write a little obit here.

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Z.F. was a lovely young woman with a great smile. she always carried herself with gracefulness and dignity. she was the caring mother of three young children. she was a supportive girlfriend, daughter and grand-daughter. she was ambitious and wanted to advance in her career. she was organized, carrying around her huge weekly planner wherever she went.

i got to know Z during her several dental visits and as she also accompanied her family members. she never failed to be polite. she asked a lot of questions and also was open to sharing her life's stories.

she met her boyfriend/baby daddy a few years ago. she didn't like him at first, but he pursued with perseverance and finally won her over. he, K.R. seemed to depend on her a lot. whenever i worked on his teeth, she would hold his hand the entire time. K.R. was also always courteous, though more on the quiet side.

Z.F. passed away at age 24 on saturday, stabbed to death after a domestic argument. K.R., age 23, confessed to the stabbing and is currently being prosecuted for murder. L.N.F., Q.N.F, and L.D.R. are reportedly staying with extended family in delaware.

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some thanks/lessons learned:

-during lunch after we found out, our team paused and prayed for the family. it's awesome to work in a place where in times of crisis, we can stop and remember our Lord, asking him for strength and peace. i might not see these patients ever again, but i was reminded that our ministry to patients does not just happen when they are in the dental chair, but it happens remotely through our prayers as well.

-i've never really had to deal with such gory news with anyone that i've met face-to-face, and i admit that i was approaching a moment of hysteria. i didn't know why because, after all, i'm just their dentist. and i was only their dentist for about 4 months. my boss reminded me that it must be a hard and heavy news to deal with because i cared for them. yes, i did care for them. and i do care for the family. this is what it's like to be in a helping profession, to encounter thousands of people over a lifetime and rejoice/suffer alongside others. i suppose i could choose to be a dentist that doesn't care. but i'm trying hard not to turn into a dental robot. sometimes my dentistry fails, to my dismay and the only thing that carries me through is my care. i'm so thankful for so many senior doctors at esperanza (i'm the youngest practitioner so far at this time), who exemplify christ's care in our practice.

-after my meltdown in march, i did a few sessions of counseling. my therapist, who is familiar with my organization, informed me that the majority of people who work in my org suffer from vicarious trauma. my inner hypochondriac was excited to receive a diagnosis! i could see that a year and a half of working in the inner city brought a cumulative sum of second-hand, third-hand vicarious trauma. but this was the first time i experience first-hand vicarious trauma. now i can relate better to the traumatized. i've graduated to the next level of empathy. and i've graduated to the next level of casting heavier burdens on christ. 1 peter 5:10.

-so i've shared the story with various people in my philly community life over the past couple days. i've encountered several different reactions. it inspires interesting conversation about death. how does culture affect our response to death? what has shaped my perspective on death?

-recently i've been receiving news of friends' babies born. i'm so happy for new life that enters the world, amidst other lives are ending.

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on shock:

-when taina first heard the news from zoraida, she wept. when i heard the news from taina, i yelped. i felt the need to sit down. i almost wanted to vomit or cry. but i could do neither. i imagined what it might have been during the crime. it just seemed so surreal. gun violence someone distances a murderer from their victim. it also happens more quickly. but to think about stabbing. where there is resistance. there is conscious pain. there is a killer who is just overtaken by madness and anger. madness. the state of mind of reckless madness. during the kensington strangler deal, i read up on a little about the psychology of serial killers, how they like to have a relationship with their victims. this is probably this case of where love goes mad. K.R. obviously couldn't live without Z.F. like, most kids hold their mama's hands when i give them injections, and sometimes when i extract teeth. but, holding baby's mama's hands even when i'm just checking for decay? i can deal with PDA (lived in france for a year!), but it's not like i can say that i enjoy it, especially in my dental chair. anyway, i suppose there was definitely some remorse since he did confess after all. "what have i done? i can't live without her. damn."

-everyone has a deep story. everyone is broken. everyone is in need of grace. i know i'm just as capable of snapping. it's only God's grace that i haven't done anything with such horrendous consequences to this day.

-of course people may seem nice if i only see them every other week. who knows what goes on in the home behind closed doors.

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a prayer:

-on christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
-urban life is definitely a lot more stressful than college town serenity where i spent all of my educative years. dental school was possibly the hardest thing i've been through. but, the brokenness and poverty of an inner city neighbourhood usher in a spiritual battle that is wearing on the body, mind and soul. Lord, sustain us. thank you that you are bigger than all these strongholds. thank you that you have already conquered death and sin and fallen-ness.
-please redeem and restore this ugly situation. redeem and restore K.R.'s soul. redeem and restore the kids' souls.
-our life on earth is but a flicker. help me to invest in eternal things and to live for you and your kingdom alone.
amen.