on fear

just went to maui for ning's wedding. the first two nights i stayed with local strangers (jennifer and anaki) found on airbnb's website.
i told this to a few people at work, including a patient. they were all afraid for my life. to many people, staying with random people is cause for fear. it's not wise to be overly trusting because there are so many crazies out there. what if they harmed me? what if they were sketchy?

fear of the unknown is what's common to man, i suppose.

i tried not to think of "bad things that could happen to me" by couch surfing. 'tis true that i generally trust humanity, despite all the crap that i see in philly each day, and beyond philly as well. but, interacting with new people and strangers is not unknown to me, i suppose. i've done several homestays in countries not my own. i love and still keep in touch w/ my french and japanese families. they are a part of me. my parents taught open hospitality. we hosted several folks in our home for dinner/overnight stay simply because of taiwanese connections. i absolutely love staying in people's homes and exchanging cultures/stories.  anyway, i guess because i haven't been personally traumatized, this kind of lifestyle is easy for me.

my patient who was concerned with my safety definitely feared staying with strangers. some comments about his life - he's committed crimes, been to prison, did some tattoos on himself while in jail, currently lives in the inner city. how are these activities any less scary?!

btw, i asked him how he did tattoos in jail. an older patient once told me that he used ink from a xerox machine. this patient told me that he fabricated a tattoo gun by taking the motor from a CD player, attaching it to some batteries and using old guitar strings as a 'needle'. they would use graphite from a pencil as ink. it didn't always work as expected though.

oh, okay.

my north philly coworkers always tell me i'm a little crazy for driving 9 hours to michigan by myself. that's apparently scarier than growing up in tha hood hearing frequent gunshots. "at least there are people around!" i guess you have a point. perhaps the fear is being alone. if one dies from a stray bullet, at least there will likely be witnesses and "people around". sure.

the point is we fear the unknown. when i think about God and the being who created the universe, it's pretty fear-inspiring. when i think of God who is created time. who transcends time. who transcends human language, thought, imagination, and understanding. that is known to me. but still vastly UNKNOWN. i fear.

recently a friend from home group emailed everyone and said that she had an epiphany. that if she fears God the most, then nothing else is worth fearing. i remember first realizing that sophomore year of college when i was fearing my boss. this thought helped me overcome that fear. but, a decade later i am quick to forget these things and need these reminders.