loves peace. avoids conflict.

so i have this patient,

and she was very honest with me in the beginning.
she told me she's been hurt before.
that she doesn't trust anyone.
but she has a good feeling about me.
and is willing to give me a chance.
she briefly alluded to the fact that she's had a heroin problem.

i helped her a little bit and she was really thankful.
she tried to give me lots of ego massages.
she said that i was the only one for her.
that she wouldn't trust anyone else.

then she started flaking on me.
and then started making up stories.
and then started trying to manipulate me.
and confessed she had a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she didn't have a drug problem.
and then tried to assure me that she wasn't trying to manipulate me.

it became clear that she loved drugs more than me.

i gave her lots of grace.

and today was supposed to be the final test.
she blew up at my staff on the phone.
then requested that i call her back.
my staff told me to let her go.

i called her back and got her voice mail.

and didn't have the heart[lessness] to dismiss someone via voice mail.

anyway, hope she gets better.
and/or doesn't call me back tomorrow.

how NOT to start random small talk

was in line at the post office, then i started hiking up my pants coz sometimes i like to aerate my ankles. (it feels cooler. like, a 5 degree temperature drop when you go from long pants to capris.)

the woman who could have been mistaken for a man in front of me says, "are you doing that because you're on your period?"

i wasn't sure if i trusted my ears, so i said, "pardon?"

she repeated herself and then i politely answered, "no."

[end of convo]

rookie dentist fail.
ok, just had to get that out of my system.
no need to dwell on the past.

moving forward...

today joined debo and baltimore friends for the 2nd half of their philly food tour. there is so much food in this city. i don't think i'm a foodie, but i like rollin with 'em. it def helps going to vietnamese restaurants with a vietnamese friend to help pick out the hidden treasures on the menu.

part of the reason why there is so much food here is because there are so many people. it amazes me how people could possibly make connections with one another amidst the crowds, that every person has a unique story, that no one is special, but everyone is special.

was gonna narrate patient encounters here today, but i spent so much time writing them in my clinic notes that i don't want to write them again. some day!...

getting off septa today there was a crowd exiting the door and a crowd entering. one woman was being a little pushy on her way in; therefore the man behind her taps her on the shoulder and politely suggests, "how about we let these people off before getting on?"
then the woman snaps, "how about YOU NEVER EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN?!!"
another woman to the side bursts into laughter.

i felt bad for the man trying to harness a sliver of courtesy in a courtesy-less (and hostile) environment.

i also felt bad for the first woman for being so angry. it must suck to have a temper that's so easily set off like that.

----------
one time in grade 7, our homeroom teacher snapped at a classmate. another classmate muttered, "i wonder who shoved a porcupine up HER ass this morning."
amusingly, instead of getting more angry, my teacher couldn't help but laugh. while we were being completely serious and thought we were mature, my teacher still thought that 12 year-olds were "cute", and it entertained her that something like that came out of one of our mouths.

world[view]s collide

comfortable vs. poor
asian vs. non
college town bubble vs. urban
young vs. young with kids
professional school vs. street schooled
victim vs. victim
frustrated vs. frustrated
all these things christian paradigm vs. all your things christian paradigm
sigh vs. sigh

can't help but judge the world
even though i know i shouldn't.

heat wave

forgot how to speak spanish for the first half of today.
took my bp after lunch - it was 91/45. time to eat more salt!

little 5 y.o. Z came today with a toothache. he sat through lots a long appointment, thanks to his medications.

19 y.o. N came this morning from his group home, reports is in a program to overcome a marijuana habit. he'll be able to return to PR to his 2 y.o. daughter once he comes clean. reading between the lines - there's prolly some wack stuff lacing his joints coz plain mj probably wouldn't be that harmful.