a happier, less moody post!
some praises to the Lord, which i am trying to articulate in a more polished writing format for our ehc newsletters (alas, my rusty writing brain!):
-one of the indonesian ladies who was rescued from some type of sexual slavery situation in freaking harrisburg, is coming tomorrow to receive her new dentures. finally! yay! they are my favourite patients who do not speak any of the languages i speak. hopefully they don't feel as awkward as i felt getting my hair chopped in chinatown yesterday, and not understanding anyyythingggg. (fu zhou hua, and gong dong hua)
-js, the 30 yr old who lost all her teeth from vehicle accident-related prescription narcotic drug abuse-related heroin abuse, also received her dentures recently. she scheduled her wedding two days later.
-my neighbour, who is a missionary in kensington, is receiving affordable care at our health center. she loves when the nurses pray with and for her. hooray!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
babel-ing 2
when i see people doing stupid things each day........
ok. i don't judge. it's just frustrating to read the news sometimes. or to see patients who are the people making the news.
sometimes i wonder if we've reached our intellectual peak as mankind.
the human genome is complete after all.
brain power is being replaced by smartphones.
folks don't know the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE anymore.
technology seems to be getting more expensive, rather than less expensive. major generalization here - just read an article on hospital billing.
so. i wonder if we have reached our knowledge tower of babel.
God is on the verge of humbling man, and taking back His glory. and now we all frustrate each other and look like idiots.
ok. i don't judge. it's just frustrating to read the news sometimes. or to see patients who are the people making the news.
sometimes i wonder if we've reached our intellectual peak as mankind.
the human genome is complete after all.
brain power is being replaced by smartphones.
folks don't know the difference between YOUR and YOU'RE anymore.
technology seems to be getting more expensive, rather than less expensive. major generalization here - just read an article on hospital billing.
so. i wonder if we have reached our knowledge tower of babel.
God is on the verge of humbling man, and taking back His glory. and now we all frustrate each other and look like idiots.
babel-ing
this past sunday's sermon was about how jesus drives the money changers and folks selling sacrifices at the temple out of the temple. the gist (always) is that jesus is passionate about God's glory. so when things aren't right in the heart, it doesn't matter how glorious it appears. the temple's purpose was to be a place of peace, forgiveness and teaching truth. instead, people were taking advantage of the situation, perhaps in the name of 'convenience' or 'one-stop shopping'. but, we can never really have 100% pure subservient motives. gaaaah. there is always that ugly residue of "meeeeeee meeee meeeeeeee!!!!!!! all about MOI!"
so, jesus sees through this and is upset.
i've been thinking about this as it relates to the church across the street. now that daylight is longer, i can see it more clearly on my walk home from work. i especially like to look at it at dusk. while at work, from our 7th story window, it's one of the only pretty buildings amidst the sea of row homes.
unfortunately, it's the inside that is decayed and destroyed. therefore it would cost millions to fix, which no one wants to invest. there isn't a thriving congregation attached to the building, hence the neglected upkeep, and the hearts of the people aren't there.
last week at our staff retreat, a westminster OT prof and another local pastor gave us teaching and exhortation about THE CHURCH. it was made clear that the Church is not a building, rather it is God's people. broken, messed up people. we can't be part of the church if we appear to be perfect.
except me. just kidding.
so. maybe it's okay that the church across the street will be torn down. i still fear the dust that i might be inhaling during the demolition. time to wear my filter mask i guess. but. i don't need to have a cow about it. the new prayer is not for something even prettier to be built there, but for space where grace and the gospel can be experienced. whatever that looks like.
so, jesus sees through this and is upset.
i've been thinking about this as it relates to the church across the street. now that daylight is longer, i can see it more clearly on my walk home from work. i especially like to look at it at dusk. while at work, from our 7th story window, it's one of the only pretty buildings amidst the sea of row homes.
unfortunately, it's the inside that is decayed and destroyed. therefore it would cost millions to fix, which no one wants to invest. there isn't a thriving congregation attached to the building, hence the neglected upkeep, and the hearts of the people aren't there.
last week at our staff retreat, a westminster OT prof and another local pastor gave us teaching and exhortation about THE CHURCH. it was made clear that the Church is not a building, rather it is God's people. broken, messed up people. we can't be part of the church if we appear to be perfect.
except me. just kidding.
so. maybe it's okay that the church across the street will be torn down. i still fear the dust that i might be inhaling during the demolition. time to wear my filter mask i guess. but. i don't need to have a cow about it. the new prayer is not for something even prettier to be built there, but for space where grace and the gospel can be experienced. whatever that looks like.
Friday, March 1, 2013
different views on justice
today a very obnoxious 3 yr-old (patient's son) kicked me. he didn't kick me hard. no pain. and he more or less kicked my pant leg, then brushed my shin w/ his 12-inch leg and 5-inch foot. but it was definitely intentional. and then he smirked. i responded with a stern, "don't kick people. that's not nice!"
i proceeded to tell yoly and she responded with, "oooooooh. i woulda kicked him back and said, 'you don't like that, do you? so don't do it to others!"
and since i have to tell every remotely traumatic story at least five times in order to get it out of my system (therapy/catharsis, whatever you want to call it), i told terry. she did not hear yoly's response. nonetheless, she responded with, "oooooooh. i woulda kicked him back. like, 'oops. sorry!' don't tell anyone i said that."
so, i'm often alone in my views within this team. and, of course i attribute it to my east asian upbringing. it's probably not just that.
my analysis is that, for me, the shame of being reprimanded by an adult SHOULD have brought some guilt to this toddler, which would have led to behaviour change and rehabilitation. now that i think about it, that probably won't work for this kid.
for my teammates, it didn't matter that the boy was only three, or that he was a patient/patient's relative. eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, b****!
WAPAH!
ok. just kidding. yeah. i dunno.
there are differences in discipline and perception of discipline.
i proceeded to tell yoly and she responded with, "oooooooh. i woulda kicked him back and said, 'you don't like that, do you? so don't do it to others!"
and since i have to tell every remotely traumatic story at least five times in order to get it out of my system (therapy/catharsis, whatever you want to call it), i told terry. she did not hear yoly's response. nonetheless, she responded with, "oooooooh. i woulda kicked him back. like, 'oops. sorry!' don't tell anyone i said that."
so, i'm often alone in my views within this team. and, of course i attribute it to my east asian upbringing. it's probably not just that.
my analysis is that, for me, the shame of being reprimanded by an adult SHOULD have brought some guilt to this toddler, which would have led to behaviour change and rehabilitation. now that i think about it, that probably won't work for this kid.
for my teammates, it didn't matter that the boy was only three, or that he was a patient/patient's relative. eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, b****!
WAPAH!
ok. just kidding. yeah. i dunno.
there are differences in discipline and perception of discipline.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
I think yesterday was "FACE YOUR DENTAL FEARS DAY!" and also Men's Ministry day on the side.
SIGH.
It probably started the night before when my brother facebook posted this youtube video of "goats yelling like humans, complete mashup". I commented, "sounds like my patients"... even though I've had maybe 10 patients who have made such noises in the last 3 years of practice.
Well, today, everyone who is at all hysterical (hysterical like hysteria, not like hilarity) at the idea of 'DENTAL NEEDLES' came in. We often have to cradle young children who are afraid during injections, cajoling them, and trying to soothe them.
We had to do this with grown adults today, patient after patient after patient. They were all making goat human whines and whimpers. Earlier on in my career, this would have significantly raised my stress level.
Either I have grown numb to such stress, and my baseline stress is always on high. Or, hopefully, I have grown numb to the stressors, so these screams and yells don't bother me quite as much. Please let it be the latter! -_- For the sake of my future heart health. ^_^
One patient came in August and was told she needed a few teeth out. She no-showed three times since then. Suddenly she returned and wanted all her work done in two weeks because she is traveling to Puerto Rico. Also, her granddaughter head-butted her in the face (well-intentioned baby who was just running around, not a psychotic violent grown granddaughter - must qualify here), which resulted in her grossly decayed front teeth fracturing. She cannot afford the generous medicaid fee of 120$ for a root canal because she is poor. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt that she does not have enough money for a plane ticket to PR either, and that someone in her family purchased the ticket for her. To prevent me from getting jaded and bitter about the medicaid/welfare/US economic situation/fallen fallen world. I have to constantly remind myself that not everyone has the same financial values as myself. Sometimes I don't have consistent financial values at any given moment. God is in control. There are worse things that happen in the world compared to people using welfare money for travel. There are worse things that happen in the world compared to people prioritizing travel over health. Daaahhh.
Next was a woman, who was soooo afraid that she was sick to her stomach. She kept gagging, and then thrusting her body as if to vomit. The only thing that would come out was saliva. I worriedly asked her if she had anything for breakfast, in case she would really vomit. She starts enumerating, "eggs, scrapple, sausage..."
Me: "Excuse me, did you just stay scrapple?"
Pt: "Yes. I really like scrapple."
In my head: "OMG I really hope she doesn't barf out scrapple."
She didn't.
Something that has recently made my life easier is that we found out for patients living at a federal poverty income level or less ($10,800 per year for 1 individual), we just charge them $45 per visit, no matter how much work I do. Sometimes people get a crapload of work for $45. I might as well work for free. I love working for free. That is material for another post. So, for patients who are scared, sometimes it encourages them to suck it up, and get their work done, for the sake of not having to pay another $45. This woman, let me take her two teeth - 100% bone loss. The kind where if you sneeze, the teeth would fall out.
Side men's ministry- J has been trying to get his life back on track. He got in a lot of trouble in his youth. After he did his jail time, he battled cancer. Following that bout he decided he wanted to mentor youth, to help keep them out of illegal things. Today he shows up with a black eye.
Me: I'm so sorry. What happened?
J: Guy hit me with his gun. He wanted to shoot me but his gun jammed.
Me: Wow, God saved your life. Do you believe that?
J: Yeah.
Me: Where did this happen?!!!
J: Two blocks from my house. My neighbour helped me get back to my house. He took my phone and wallet.
Me: When?!!!
J: Saturday night.
Me: WHAT TIME?!
J: 3 a.m.
Me: Yeah?
J: Oh yeah. I was coming back from the club.
Me: Ok...
J: Yeah, and there was this girl who kept trying to get me to leave with her. But I said I have a girl at home, and I'm not that kind of guy. So I had to sneak out to get away from her.
Me: Ok. I guess you did the right thing.
J: Shoot, that's why God protected me. But, if I had to choose, I woulda preferred waking up next to her over getting jumped.
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
J: Oh. I was just kidding.
Me: So we know to stay away from trouble now?
J: For sure.
Me: Like, don't even go near it. Avoiding trouble means to stay far, far away. FAR, FAR AWAY!!!!
J: Uhh.
Me: FAR, FAR AWAY!!!!
We ploughed through. And the day ends. I'm grateful for a job that I cannot take home with me. Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me each day. By grace alone. For reals.
And thank you, Lord, for the gift of writing, to let me spew all this out into cyberspace. Pretty cathartic to get this all out of my system. Bleehh aaarrghhh.
SIGH.
It probably started the night before when my brother facebook posted this youtube video of "goats yelling like humans, complete mashup". I commented, "sounds like my patients"... even though I've had maybe 10 patients who have made such noises in the last 3 years of practice.
Well, today, everyone who is at all hysterical (hysterical like hysteria, not like hilarity) at the idea of 'DENTAL NEEDLES' came in. We often have to cradle young children who are afraid during injections, cajoling them, and trying to soothe them.
We had to do this with grown adults today, patient after patient after patient. They were all making goat human whines and whimpers. Earlier on in my career, this would have significantly raised my stress level.
Either I have grown numb to such stress, and my baseline stress is always on high. Or, hopefully, I have grown numb to the stressors, so these screams and yells don't bother me quite as much. Please let it be the latter! -_- For the sake of my future heart health. ^_^
One patient came in August and was told she needed a few teeth out. She no-showed three times since then. Suddenly she returned and wanted all her work done in two weeks because she is traveling to Puerto Rico. Also, her granddaughter head-butted her in the face (well-intentioned baby who was just running around, not a psychotic violent grown granddaughter - must qualify here), which resulted in her grossly decayed front teeth fracturing. She cannot afford the generous medicaid fee of 120$ for a root canal because she is poor. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt that she does not have enough money for a plane ticket to PR either, and that someone in her family purchased the ticket for her. To prevent me from getting jaded and bitter about the medicaid/welfare/US economic situation/fallen fallen world. I have to constantly remind myself that not everyone has the same financial values as myself. Sometimes I don't have consistent financial values at any given moment. God is in control. There are worse things that happen in the world compared to people using welfare money for travel. There are worse things that happen in the world compared to people prioritizing travel over health. Daaahhh.
Next was a woman, who was soooo afraid that she was sick to her stomach. She kept gagging, and then thrusting her body as if to vomit. The only thing that would come out was saliva. I worriedly asked her if she had anything for breakfast, in case she would really vomit. She starts enumerating, "eggs, scrapple, sausage..."
Me: "Excuse me, did you just stay scrapple?"
Pt: "Yes. I really like scrapple."
In my head: "OMG I really hope she doesn't barf out scrapple."
She didn't.
Something that has recently made my life easier is that we found out for patients living at a federal poverty income level or less ($10,800 per year for 1 individual), we just charge them $45 per visit, no matter how much work I do. Sometimes people get a crapload of work for $45. I might as well work for free. I love working for free. That is material for another post. So, for patients who are scared, sometimes it encourages them to suck it up, and get their work done, for the sake of not having to pay another $45. This woman, let me take her two teeth - 100% bone loss. The kind where if you sneeze, the teeth would fall out.
Side men's ministry- J has been trying to get his life back on track. He got in a lot of trouble in his youth. After he did his jail time, he battled cancer. Following that bout he decided he wanted to mentor youth, to help keep them out of illegal things. Today he shows up with a black eye.
Me: I'm so sorry. What happened?
J: Guy hit me with his gun. He wanted to shoot me but his gun jammed.
Me: Wow, God saved your life. Do you believe that?
J: Yeah.
Me: Where did this happen?!!!
J: Two blocks from my house. My neighbour helped me get back to my house. He took my phone and wallet.
Me: When?!!!
J: Saturday night.
Me: WHAT TIME?!
J: 3 a.m.
Me: Yeah?
J: Oh yeah. I was coming back from the club.
Me: Ok...
J: Yeah, and there was this girl who kept trying to get me to leave with her. But I said I have a girl at home, and I'm not that kind of guy. So I had to sneak out to get away from her.
Me: Ok. I guess you did the right thing.
J: Shoot, that's why God protected me. But, if I had to choose, I woulda preferred waking up next to her over getting jumped.
Me: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
J: Oh. I was just kidding.
Me: So we know to stay away from trouble now?
J: For sure.
Me: Like, don't even go near it. Avoiding trouble means to stay far, far away. FAR, FAR AWAY!!!!
J: Uhh.
Me: FAR, FAR AWAY!!!!
We ploughed through. And the day ends. I'm grateful for a job that I cannot take home with me. Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me each day. By grace alone. For reals.
And thank you, Lord, for the gift of writing, to let me spew all this out into cyberspace. Pretty cathartic to get this all out of my system. Bleehh aaarrghhh.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
future empty lot
across the street there is an externally beautiful stone church.
photos to come...
unfortunately it is severely internally damaged. it would cost milllllionnnns to repair.
rumour has it that it will be demolished sometime in the future.
i'm a little afraid of the dust and allergies to ensue.
gotta start praying about something new and good to take its place....
-a soccer field?
-a basketball court?
-a vegetable garden?
-picnic grounds?
-a community pool?
photos to come...
unfortunately it is severely internally damaged. it would cost milllllionnnns to repair.
rumour has it that it will be demolished sometime in the future.
i'm a little afraid of the dust and allergies to ensue.
gotta start praying about something new and good to take its place....
-a soccer field?
-a basketball court?
-a vegetable garden?
-picnic grounds?
-a community pool?
Monday, January 21, 2013
vignettes before i forget
-9 yr old boy, loves spiderman:
me: "did you get anything cool for christmas?"
pt: "a scooter."
me: "that's cool. so you ride around your neighbourhood?"
pt: "no, just inside the house."
me: "oh, you must have a big house!"
pt: "yes, it's like a mansion."
me: "you live in a mansion?"
pt: "NO, it's LIKE a mansion."
OF COURSE. A SIMILE. DUH!
[later on...]
me: "do you brush your teeth every day?"
pt: "yes"
me: "that is a good answer. do you eat a lot of sugar?"
pt: [closes eyes. pretends to sleep.]
me: "hey! are you pretending to sleep because i'm about to tell you not to eat candy?!"
pt: [fake snores]
FUTURE OF AMERICA, ESCAPING TO THE LAND OF DREAMS WHEN BEING INSTRUCTED TO DO SOMETHING HEALTHY BUT UNPLEASANT. SIGH.
------
-29 yr old, right before turning 30, gross decay, we had taken out 7 teeth a few months prior; she didn't have insurance, so i "accidentally" took out 7 for the price of 1. "what was i thinking?! silly me!..." today we were going to take the remaining teeth/decayed stubs out. most i've taken out in one appointment was 22 with my classmate during d3 year. had 3 hours to do that, and i didn't really do it, just assisted. since we had some extra time, we decided to do all 15 today. i KNOW this happens a lot. and have seen 20 yr olds need all their teeth out, and have read about 17 yr olds need all their teeth out. but, to actually remove 15 in a row, and interact with someone my age was a little traumatizing. J's story was that she was in nursing school, had a traffic accident, got hooked on narcotics, ended up switching to street drugs (apparently it's cheaper), and then downhill from there. recently, she has been waiting to get married, and wants her dentures first. NEVER PRESCRIBING NARCOTICS AGAIN! j/k. not never. but mostly never. anyway, J is really trying to get life together. she is pretty but is annoyed that her face appears so collapsed "i'm 30, but i look 40!" (AT LEAST 40!) poor girl. hope the dentures can be done sooooon.
-----
-mom has been bringing in two children at a time each day, has 7 children total. the third day, she brought the two oldest girls, ages 13 and 11. 11 yr old was taking care of everyone. mom seemed a little high. was about to light up a cigarette in the waiting room until 11yr old stopped her. tried to explain that 11 yr old needs a molar out and another molar root canal-ed, but she's not understanding very well. i asked her if she would like to speak to a social worker and explore various resources out there to help manage her stress. it is normal for her to be overwhelmed. (the day before on her way out, she exclaims to the whole waiting room, "man, i wish i had a plane to go home. I AM SOOO TIRED!!!!!") back to today... she starts crying in the hub area. social worker comes. mom is a little apprehensive. every mom is a little apprehensive with the thought of DHS possibly taking children away from parents. it isn't widely known that there aren't enough foster homes for everyone. and that no one wants to separate families. anyway, social worker asks me what is my primary concern... she's probably not sure if i referred her because she was high, or because of something else. my response, "she's just a little overwhelmed with life."
oh ok.
after their chat, i find out that mom isn't happy w/ her relationship w/ kids' dad. even though he is a good father - he is always there for the kids (as opposed to the gazillion absent fathers out there). BUT, it is stressful because he has TWENTY-ONE children total. sometimes the other kids are over. that stresses her out.
yeah. no kidding!
this vignette, the most recent in this series, has already yielded so much discussion.
------------
patient sees our framed mini paintings/greeting cards on the wall. one is of la puerta de san juan. the other is of a pirragua stand. he (65 yr old) sighs and reminisces, "i used to go to that gate, look at the ocean, and kiss my wife there every day." - married 35 years, wife has since passed away. deeeeetohhhhhhh. "my last job was selling pirraguas. you know, puerto rican snow cones..."
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
--------------
ok. too much emotion in one post.
me: "did you get anything cool for christmas?"
pt: "a scooter."
me: "that's cool. so you ride around your neighbourhood?"
pt: "no, just inside the house."
me: "oh, you must have a big house!"
pt: "yes, it's like a mansion."
me: "you live in a mansion?"
pt: "NO, it's LIKE a mansion."
OF COURSE. A SIMILE. DUH!
[later on...]
me: "do you brush your teeth every day?"
pt: "yes"
me: "that is a good answer. do you eat a lot of sugar?"
pt: [closes eyes. pretends to sleep.]
me: "hey! are you pretending to sleep because i'm about to tell you not to eat candy?!"
pt: [fake snores]
FUTURE OF AMERICA, ESCAPING TO THE LAND OF DREAMS WHEN BEING INSTRUCTED TO DO SOMETHING HEALTHY BUT UNPLEASANT. SIGH.
------
-29 yr old, right before turning 30, gross decay, we had taken out 7 teeth a few months prior; she didn't have insurance, so i "accidentally" took out 7 for the price of 1. "what was i thinking?! silly me!..." today we were going to take the remaining teeth/decayed stubs out. most i've taken out in one appointment was 22 with my classmate during d3 year. had 3 hours to do that, and i didn't really do it, just assisted. since we had some extra time, we decided to do all 15 today. i KNOW this happens a lot. and have seen 20 yr olds need all their teeth out, and have read about 17 yr olds need all their teeth out. but, to actually remove 15 in a row, and interact with someone my age was a little traumatizing. J's story was that she was in nursing school, had a traffic accident, got hooked on narcotics, ended up switching to street drugs (apparently it's cheaper), and then downhill from there. recently, she has been waiting to get married, and wants her dentures first. NEVER PRESCRIBING NARCOTICS AGAIN! j/k. not never. but mostly never. anyway, J is really trying to get life together. she is pretty but is annoyed that her face appears so collapsed "i'm 30, but i look 40!" (AT LEAST 40!) poor girl. hope the dentures can be done sooooon.
-----
-mom has been bringing in two children at a time each day, has 7 children total. the third day, she brought the two oldest girls, ages 13 and 11. 11 yr old was taking care of everyone. mom seemed a little high. was about to light up a cigarette in the waiting room until 11yr old stopped her. tried to explain that 11 yr old needs a molar out and another molar root canal-ed, but she's not understanding very well. i asked her if she would like to speak to a social worker and explore various resources out there to help manage her stress. it is normal for her to be overwhelmed. (the day before on her way out, she exclaims to the whole waiting room, "man, i wish i had a plane to go home. I AM SOOO TIRED!!!!!") back to today... she starts crying in the hub area. social worker comes. mom is a little apprehensive. every mom is a little apprehensive with the thought of DHS possibly taking children away from parents. it isn't widely known that there aren't enough foster homes for everyone. and that no one wants to separate families. anyway, social worker asks me what is my primary concern... she's probably not sure if i referred her because she was high, or because of something else. my response, "she's just a little overwhelmed with life."
oh ok.
after their chat, i find out that mom isn't happy w/ her relationship w/ kids' dad. even though he is a good father - he is always there for the kids (as opposed to the gazillion absent fathers out there). BUT, it is stressful because he has TWENTY-ONE children total. sometimes the other kids are over. that stresses her out.
yeah. no kidding!
this vignette, the most recent in this series, has already yielded so much discussion.
------------
patient sees our framed mini paintings/greeting cards on the wall. one is of la puerta de san juan. the other is of a pirragua stand. he (65 yr old) sighs and reminisces, "i used to go to that gate, look at the ocean, and kiss my wife there every day." - married 35 years, wife has since passed away. deeeeetohhhhhhh. "my last job was selling pirraguas. you know, puerto rican snow cones..."
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
--------------
ok. too much emotion in one post.
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