conversation reel of the day:

-i walk into the room where M is sitting. she brashly asks monin, "IS THAT THE DOCTOR OR IS THAT A STUDENT?!"
somebody got out the wrong side of the bed!
i'm not a morning person at all.
i wanted to let her know that all professionals are committed to being students for life. we must always be learning and growing and improving our skills. whether we care about it. or whether we just need to take continuing ed classes to maintain our license to practice.
but by grace, i respond, as sweetly as i can, "i'm the doctor! i saw you last year! how can i help you today?!"
M tells me the tragic story of how she was flossing and her tooth chipped. then she blurted some expletives.
once we get past all that. i ask her about her family. she's got 2 boys. ages 5 and 7. the older one has adhd. she thinks she has adhd as well. and is therefore concerned that the younger one has adhd. when the younger one was 8 months, the older one threw him down the stairs.
she's raising them by herself.
it's a lot to handle.
i think she's younger than me.

-monin's fav comment about many patients is, "i don't think he's all there."

today she def said it about J.
J: i want to quit smoking. God bless me.
me: great.
J: i make pizzas for a living. and i also fixed my denture with krazy glue. i'm a jack of all trades. God bless me.
me: okay.
monin: what is your date of birth?
J: i don't like to say it out loud because i'm 50 years old! my birthday is aug 28, NINETEEN SIXTY.
me: heh.
J: why are you laughing?!!!
me: der?
J: i don't like to tell people my age because i'm 50 and my girlfriend is 33!
me: ok.
J: God bless me.
me: Dios te bendiga!

later on, i'm recounting this to taina. and taina's like "oooh, i think that's the patient who gave me the love dove inn business card. eeeeew!!!!! she pulls out this business card from her pocket and it's a mini flyer and on it there's a picture of a heart shaped bed with 80s decor, and then another picture of a jacuzzi labelled 'love pool'. eeeeeeeeeew.

then monin says, "yep. he's really not all there."

speaking of not all there, taina has to recount to the team the episode with F, who has a hard time letting go of her. he once gave her a really long hug. too long, man. please get your hands off my assistant! anyway, one day he was walking out, taina was at the computer eating an apple. F said bye to her and stroked her hair as he walked out. she was totally caught off guard. i saw the whole thing, and my only reaction was, "ah-ha!" (nelson from the simpson's voice) as i stood there pointing in shock.

anyway, F, is one of those love-hate patients. it's almost like he enjoys instigating and pushing people's buttons. but he really friendly. a little too friendly. so it's not like we can really hate him or shun him away. he's kind of a sensitive abuelo. today i just found out about an episode where he was at the front desk and kind of telling monin that she needs to find a man in order to be complete. and kinda proselytizing his views on how marriage is better, and doesn't understand why his dentist (me) is siempre soltera. i don't know if he's ever said this to my face before because F talks really, really fast with a dominican accent. and i don't understand 90% of what he says. i just nod and smile. anyway, apparently his comments went overboard for monin and she kinda went off on him. don't mess with puerto rican women. yeah, i guess it was pretty inappropriate to be getting into people's bidness like that, especially in an open waiting room setting, where all the other patients are watching. i don't care if people express themselves in the chair where it's more private. but people really aren't supposed to talk about personal things in la sala de espera. F's story is interesting. he was studying to be a priest but then left. got married. has 4 daughters and some grandchildren. including his 15 yr old daughter's new baby. F's wife is also a patient and she always has a scowl on her face despite F's claims of marital bliss.

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just cut and pasted this from my gchat:

i have this patient who has a tattoo on his forehead

he's 50 years old

and he got the tattoo done while he was in prison

pretty badass

except that he's kind of a big baby

and he whimpers every time i have to give him an injection

today was like, "YOU GOT A TATTOO ON YOUR FOREHEAD! AND YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS TINY LITTLE SHOT?!!!"

and he was about to cry and responded, "the tattoo is nothing! it's on the bone! that doesn't hurt! you givin' me a shot on the inside. it's soft in there! it's like tattoos here [pointing to the inside of his bicep] tattoos on softer areas hurt more. waaahhhh"

i gave him the shot

and he was like, "DID YOU GIVE IT TO ME ALREADY?!!! THAT'S AMAZING! YOU HAVE GOOD HANDS! I DIDN'T FEEL NO PAIN!"

i think he says that to me every time. what a drama queen.

today he went a little over the top though. after we finished, he passed the stickers and pointed to them. i was like, "do you want one?"

and then he nods.

so i'm like "which one?"

then he points to the nemo roll

and the sticker on the end of the roll is dory.

so i rip it off for him and he points to his shirt, "can you stick it on my jacket for me?"

seriously?

so i peel off dory and stick it on his jacket.

maybe he didn't have much of a childhood.

so he's compensating.

which might be a good explanation for why he went to prison. (the not having a childhood part.)

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-T missed a lot of appointments. but she actually showed up today. she really wants new dentures. sadly, we have a rule that if patients miss too many appointments we won't do their dentures for them. she pleaded and pleaded with me. she told me she missed her appointments because her daughter had gastric bypass surgery and had to have 3 subsequent surgeries to correct some complications. of course i empathize that it's a stressful situation. but she's clearly trying to manipulate me. i told her i would ask admin if we can make an exception for her and will call with an update. she just kept repeating her story over and over. kinda like how people think that by talking in a louder voice, their listeners will understand, even if they don't understand the speaker's language. haha. 'do you speak english? DO. YOU. SPEAK. ENGLISH?'

there are a few things that would jade people in this situation.
1. my tax dollars going into medicaid that are prolly paying for her daughter's gastric bypass. gastric bypass as a result of obesity as a result of poor diet choices/poor lifestyle choices.
2. my tax dollars going into medicaid that would cover her dentures.
dentures as a result of premature tooth loss as a result of poor diet/poor hygiene.
3. there's no verbal commitment to behaviour change in terms of her agreeing to come to all her appointments or call 24 hrs in advance if she needs to cancel
4. she just doesn't get it that an appointment doesn't mean "maybe i'll come! if i feel like coming, that's great! if i don't come, i won't feel bad about standing you up." versus "thank you for giving me some time in your schedule to do this service?"
i'm not jaded yet.
but sometimes i think about it.

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speaking of manipulation.

-M returned and asked for more percocet. i get the sense that she tries to suck up to me a lot. i don't doubt that she's in pain. but it's interesting how she's subtly requesting drugs, but overdoing the subtlety that it's totally not subtle.

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-after all the nonsense of the day i was glad to have a cute 11 yr old to wrap things up. while she was waiting for me, we could hear her talking to a friend on her cell phone. she sounded like an adult talking to her friend. and when i finally walked in the room she goes, "hey, i gotta call yall back. later. bye."